I was thinking, yesterday, about my new niece, Abigail Grace, who was born last Friday.  And it struck me how strange it is that she is really here.  I mean, last fall, when we all started praying for her because of Deb’s aneurysm, it seemed impossible that she’d ever really be born, safe and healthy.  And yet she was.  She’s teeny-tiny, but she’s strong and healthy and here.  What a blessing!  And her name, which Chris & Deb had picked out before they even knew she was a girl, is exactly perfect.  Abigail Grace.  After all, we’ve received so much this past year, much more than we deserve (but I guess that’s what makes it grace, huh?).

So here’s some things I have to praise God for this morning:

• Debbie (my SIL) is alive, well, and totally recovered from her aneurysm.  That was six months ago…crazy!  I still remember my deep concern after my mom’s 6 a.m. phone call, asking me to pray.  And I still remember how, after I began to add thanksgiving to my prayers (Philippians 4:6-7), I felt God’s peace like I had never felt before.  And all through that day, and the following days, as we got updates, waited, and prayed, we watched God do something miraculous.  He preserved her life, yes.  But he also brought her through without mental or physical handicaps.  He returned her to us just as she had been, and we are so grateful for that grace.
• Of course, we praise God that Abby was born, strong and healthy.  It’s amazing that none of what Deb went through 6 months ago seems to have affected her negatively at all.  She has two very-excited older sisters, and we’re very thankful that they got to learn about life, not death, about God’s grace, and about miracles, because of their sister.  That, too, is simply an act of mercy, and we are so grateful that God chose to act in that way in this instance.
• My own two little miracles are sleeping (in their cribs!) in the next room down the hall from me.  Who would have ever guessed that I’d be able to carry twins to 38 weeks, to see them born full-term and healthy, and to avoid bed rest completely while pregnant!  And even more, now that their 3+ months old, they are so amazing.  No, they aren’t sleeping so well these days, and yes, it would appear that a growth spurt is causing them to eat every 2-2.5 hours instead of 3 or more, but they are bright-eyed and growing. They stare at their hands in wonder, and they reach for my face and hair when I talk to them.  They laugh and smile and coo when we blow raspberries at them.  And they are just adorable (if I do say so myself!).  Yep, God is a wonderful God, and I’m so thankful that he blessed our lives this way.
• My dad finally has new knees!  He’s still recovering from his surgery in many ways, but he’s doing phenomenally well these days.  He can walk without a cane (most of the time), he drives, his need for medication is slowly decreasing, and he’s made it back to work (at least for half-days).  And his surgery was just over 10 weeks ago.  We are praising God for his quick and (relatively) problem-free recovery!

That’s certainly not all, but I need to go.  So I will simply end with this truth: God is so good!  Happy Tuesday!

I hate when Xanga takes longer to load a page entirely…because it’s waiting on advertisements.  Grrr! 

But I should not get started on vitriolic responses to the world around me…so instead, here’s an update for you: 

Weekend update:

• Friday night was a movie night.  We watched Flawless.  A pretty good movie…I liked it.
• Saturday, Eric stayed home, read a book, napped, and watched the babies for me.  I ran to Walmart.  Then I drove to Springfield to see my new niece.  Then I went to Bob Evans to pick up dinner for us.  Then I finally stopped.
• Sunday was church.  Then vegging and watching The Two Towers (Lord of the Rings). Then a small group potluck dinner where everybody else holds the babies for us.  That’s always nice.

So far, today:

• I’ve already unloaded/loaded the dishwasher.  I will probably need to do that a second time today since I didn’t do dishes all weekend long! 
• I have a video that was due at the library today, but I renewed it this morning so that I don’t have to return it unless I really feel like taking the babies out of the house. 
• And I will need to do laundry.  The babies left me some poopy things to clean up yesterday, so we’ll need to take care of those this morning.  And Eric and I are going to need some clothes again soon as well.

Well, the babies are both sleeping (I thought they would have wanted to eat about 10, but apparently they can go longer than 3 hours during the day ), but I’m sure they’ll be up soon.  So I should end this (sorry-it’s-so-boring) post.  Happy Monday!!

To borrow Marla’s word…”swirly” is how I feel today.  My brain keeps swirling between topics, so I can’t promise any sort of coherence today.  But if you want to brave the whirlpool… here goes the frothy-ness!

Swirl #1 – No sleep
I was up at least once EVERY HOUR last night between 11 pm and 7 am.  There were feedings during the hours of midnight, three, and six.  Erin was up at 11 (turns out she needed gas drops, but it took me a few minutes to guess what I should try because she hasn’t done that in weeks!), and I had a horrible tickle in my throat at 1 that actually woke me up.  The rest of the “ups” were because of my son who cannot seem to sleep all the way between feedings anymore.  I just can’t figure out exactly what his issue is: gas? reflux?  growth spurt?  Sometimes the gas drops work (gas), sometimes the milk of magnesia works (reflux), sometimes just feeding him helps (growth spurt).  But none of them work consistently, so I have to guess every time I walk into the nursery what her really needs.  And surprisingly, my critical thinking skills are pretty dull at 2 am!

Swirl #2 – Nurse lines
I finally broke down and called the nurse line at the pediatrician’s office this morning to see if she could help me figure out what to do with Alex.  I really MUST start getting him to sleep more consistently.  I mean, bless his heart, he’s SO tired when he wakes up in the night, but he just can’t fall back asleep.  And frankly, it’s really wearing on me, too (as most of you know from experience).  So I finally called them.  I think I was putting it off, hoping some miracle would happen and Alex would just magically fall asleep and stay that way on his own.  But last night (after recognizing the every hour pattern I was dealing with), I figured we needed some expert advice.  Anyway, she thinks it’s primarily a reflux issue.  She needed to check with our pediatrician about it, and then she was going to call me back.  I hope we can fix this now!

Swirl #3 – Breastfeeding
I really don’t mind breastfeeding, but I have to admit, I’m not one of those mothers who just relishes the “bonding time” like some women seem to.  Truth is, while I’ve been surprisingly laid-back about having twins and the realities that brings, my type-A, perfectionist, overachieving self has never completely disappeared.  It attached itself to the breastfeeding stuff, it seems.  Breastfeeding is the aspect of motherhood that stresses me out the most: am I eating/drinking enough?  Are they getting enough?  Should I have fed them or not?  Do they need more?  When will the boobs not be able to support both of them all the time?  Will it be this time (9 am)?  Maybe this time (noon)?  How about this time (3 pm)?  And on and on and on.  To be honest, I’m looking forward to adding real food into their diets just so I can stop being their only source of nutrition.  I’m hoping that giving them real food will make the breastfeeding less of a pass/fail sort of mindset for me so I can enjoy it more.  We’ll see in a couple of months, I guess…hope I can last until then!

Swirl #4 – Sweaters
My husband’s grandmother crocheted us a number of baby things when the babies were born.  Two buntings.  4 pairs of baby booties.  2 afghans.  2 sweater/bonnet sets.  We use the afghans all the time (they travel in the car seats for extra warmth). We took pictures of the babies in the buntings, but we never used them because they didn’t have legs, so they didn’t work with car seats.  I’ve never used the booties at all.   But the sweater/bonnet sets have become a thorn in my flesh.  They were brought to the hospital the day after the twins were born, and they actually put the sweaters/bonnets on the babies to take pictures of them.  It was, um, interesting.  However, we’ve not used them since that day.  Now, my MIL, who is not usually like this, has been putting pressure on us to use these sets.  I have no idea if the pressure is all hers or if she’s getting it from Grandma first.  But either way, these sweaters keep coming up.  “It’d be really nice if you use those.”  “Grandma would really like it – she worked very hard on them.”  etc. etc. etc.

So what’s the problem? They are beautiful little sweaters and incredibly well-made.  She did a fantastic job on them.  Well, first of all, I’ve never been a fan of bonnets, hand-made or otherwise.  But the bigger issue is that they are incredibly girly.  I did put one on Erin last night just to see how it looked, and it was cute (especially with jeans and a white onesie).  But for Alex?  He’s a little boy, and he’ll look like a girl in that sweater (and especially the bonnet).  So I find myself balking completely, mostly because I resent the pressure to use them.  I know it’s selfish and not-at-all Christ-like to be so stubborn.  I mean, it won’t hurt the babies to wear them.  But every time it gets mentioned, I just grit my teeth.  I don’t want to hurt Grandma’s feelings, but seriously, they are my babies, and I should be able to make clothing choices for them without pressure.  Or maybe I shouldn’t.  They’re just sweaters, so what does it really matter if Alex looks like a girl for one day.  I can see the other side.  It’s just annoying, especially because it just keeps coming back up.  Anyway, that’s my vent session. 

Okay, I’m going to go exercise while the babies sleep.  Happy Thursday to you all!

I need to be in bed, so this will be in bullets so that I am encouraged to be short. 

• My babies took really good naps yesterday, and once today, Alex even put himself back to sleep when he woke up at his 45-minute nap limit.  It was marvelous.  I’m hoping the napping just gets better and better.
• Still struggling to get them to go longer at night, but I’m pretty resigned to it now.  Some nights, it’s a clockwork, perfect 3-hour schedule.  Other nights…not so much.  Last night was a not-so-much one, but I think that was the super-spicy white chicken chili we had for supper.  Oops!
• Tomorrow, my MIL is planning to stop in for a bit. Should be a nice visit.
• I actually had time to clean up my kitchen and tidy the house a bit today.  Lovely!  Unfortunately, it hardly looks as if I did anything, especially with tonight’s supper dishes still on the counter.   *sigh*
• Eric and I took a walk with the babies in this lovely, lovely weather.  I am SO ready for spring!
• Today we made a trip to Meijer.  The twins always get lots of comments, including one lady who told me her brother is expecting FOUR.  Yikes!  Glad that’s not me!!
• I did not wear green for St. Patrick’s Day.  Both Erin and Alex had some on, though.  I don’t think they cared.
• I can’t really think of anything else, so I’m off to bed.

So today is the day…Deb went to the hospital last night so they could start her induction, and Abby should be delivered sometime today.  If you don’t mind, please pray for a safe and easy delivery for both of them!  I’ll let you know when I hear that she’s arrived…

EDIT: (10:20) So there’s already an update.  It seems that someone forgot to mention that Deb needed to stop taking her baby aspirin (blood thinner) two weeks ago.  So, when it should’ve taken 9 minutes for her blood to clot, it took her 15 this morning.  That means that she can’t have an epidural.  And it means that, should a c-section become necessary, it would have to be with general anesthesia.  Then, this morning, the doctor also noticed a level of something in her blood that was very high, and she wanted to compare it with her previous blood levels and call her neurosurgeon just to make sure all was well.  So, she is currently NOT in labor.  They haven’t started any pitocin, and everything is in a holding pattern for now.   I’ll keep you updated as I know more.

And can I just say that it’s amazing to me that we’re finally to this point?  I mean, with Deb’s aneurysm last fall and all the complications and surgeries that she and the baby went through, we are all still just full of thankfulness to God that they are both still here with us.  I think it’s altogether appropriate that this little girl was going to be Abigail Grace even before they went through the fall’s health issues. 

In other news…

• There’s a man climbing around on our roof as I type.  He’s coming up with an estimate for us to get a new roof.  It’s a strange sound, though…
• Erin developed some congestion at the end of last week, and I got a major cold.  I haven’t had a cold in years.   But she’s sounding much better this morning.  I hope I start to sound better soon, too.
• Saturday was spent at my parents’ house.  We had a party for my mom’s 60th birthday (which was on Friday).  I made dinner, and we just hung out.  Except that every family unit had at least some sickness, it was a good time.  And my mom enjoyed having everyone there, I think.
• Sunday was church (in the family worship center, since the nursery was out of the question), and then a whole lot of relaxing.  I finished a book and worked around the house a bit.  But mostly it was just catching up.  Lovely!

Okay, now my babies are crying, so I’m outta here!  Happy Monday!

Front Page – above the fold
Headline: First Cold
Synopsis: Erin has gotten what appears to be our first baby illness.  She was a bit stuffy night before last, but it was better during the day.  Last night it was worse again (perhaps from laying down?), and she was wheezing quite a bit this morning.  Poor baby!  I guess I’m going to have to figure out some means of treating her.  And so far this morning she’s wanted to snuggle even more than usual.  That could get interesting…

Front Page – below the fold (left column)
Headline: Still Not Sleeping
Synopsis:  I can’t figure out what’s causing Alex to wake up 2-2.5 hours after he eats.  I tried feeding him early, but while he did eventually eat, he didn’t seem to really want that.  So this morning, when he woke up screeching at 7 a.m (he last ate at 4:30), I gave him gas drops and picked him up.  He burped 5 times.  So perhaps gas is my nighttime enemy…I really wish I could figure this out.  I’m getting frustrated.

Front Page – below fold (right column)
Headline: Major Accomplishments
Synopsis: Surprisingly, I got a lot done yesterday.  I ironed all of Eric’s clothes – only one day after washing them! I was very proud of myself!  I also folded baby clothes, cleaned the kitchen (only to see it messed up again with dinner preparations ), and did another load of laundry.  That load was necessitated by Erin spitting up on my lap after eating first thing in the morning.  I decided those pants could not be reworn without washing (sadly, this is not always true – depends on how much spit-up hits the feeding pillow vs. how much hits me!).  I also found time to be on the internet, read a little bit, and talk to Eric.  And considering that I may be dealing with much more unhappy babies today (sick (Erin) or tired (Alex) or both!), it probably was good that I got all that done yesterday!

Health Section
Headline: Best Cold Remedies for Babies
Synopsis:  A quick perusal of the What To Expect: The First Year indicates that I should stick to nasal aspiration (she hates it), saline drops (have to get some) and humidifiers (glad Karen got me one for the shower we had in February!).  I haven’t checked for a fever yet, so I haven’t done any Tylenol.  Any recommendations?  What worked for you?

Arts & Life Section
Headline: Trilogy is recommended
Synopsis: My MIL gave me 3 books by Lyn Austen for my birthday.  The series is called Refiner’s Fire, and it’s set in the Civil War.  The titles are Candle in the Darkness, Fire by Night, and A Light to my Path.  If you haven’t read them and like historical Christian Fiction, these are pretty good.

Headline: Time Change Effects Linger
Synopsis: I’m so glad I’m not the only one who’s been sucker-punched by this time change.  The dark mornings are killing me.  I don’t remember them being this hard to deal with in past years.  But maybe I just wasn’t waiting for the dawn with such eagerness (read: while trying to soothe 2 babies in the dark at once) in past years. Still, I hope I adjust soon.  And it is nice to have the light so much later in the evenings.    

Okay, this is a short edition, I realize.  But as Alex is starting to make noise, I think I’d better sign off now.  I may try to add more later.  Happy Thursday!

The Stuff:

• I really wish my babies would remember how to sleep between feedings at night again.  It would be lovely.
• Yesterday got better, after the babies took a 3-hour nap in their swings.  Every so often, one of them would make a noise, and I’d think, “Jesus, I’m still not ready to deal with them. Please keep them sleeping.”  And he did.  Thanks, Jesus.
• I did get out of the house for about 45 minutes last evening to return some books to the library.  Then Eric and I watched The Big Bang Theory while I fed the babies.  Then it was off to bed for them.  And I got to bed by 9:30.  It helped me a lot.  I think I’ll have to do that for the next few days until the babies figure out how to sleep again!
• The babies are currently napping in their cribs.  I expect about 10 more minutes before they wake up…just enough time to finish this post!

The pictures (3 months old):

Erin’s favorite toy right now is the purple kitty from their playmat.  She bats it around and talks to it.  So cute!

Alex, up close and personal.  Does anyone else (who would know) see my brother Chris in that face?

I bought a Bumbo seat at the last twin sale.  Alex does pretty well in it (the pictures were taken about a minute apart). 

Erin, well, is still working on strengthening her neck! 

And the babies are awake…ten minutes later!  Happy Tuesday!

Good:

• I can finally wear my wedding band again.  It’s been at least 6 months.
• Eric helped me set up a feed reader so I can stay up on the world outside my house.  How nice…
• My in-laws came out on Saturday to see the babies. 
• Eric helped me clean the house up before his parents came.  And the kitchen is still clean.  Woohoo!
• We made it to church even with the time change…on time!

Bad:

• Not enough sleep+time change+babies’ schedule is totally off+emotionally empty = rough day
• I’m really struggling this morning.  I struggled all last night.  The babies aren’t sleeping well again.  I have no idea why.  I’m far too easily frustrated.  I’m about thisclose to tears all the time. I need more sleep. 

Good:

• My flesh and my heart may fail me, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
• For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord.  Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you a future and a hope.
• Fear not, for I am with you.  Don’t be dismayed for I am your God.  I will strengthen you, I will help you.  I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
• The Lord is my Shepherd.  I have everything I need.
• There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ.
• His divine power has given me everything I need for life and godliness through my knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness.

Happy Monday…

I feel as if those are all I have these days.  I used to be able to use my intellect and collected “wealth” of knowledge, trivia, and experiences (mine and others) to come us with educated guesses to any question I faced.  And my guesses were typically pretty good – or at least often enough that people asked me their questions more than once.

But here I am, a mom whose twins are almost 3 months old (on Sunday), and I seem to have nothing but questions and no real answers.

So I’m going to type out some of my questions, and if you have figured out answers to any of them, please feel free to answer for me. 

1. How do you get a child (or two) to sleep for longer than 1 hour (it’s usually30-40 minutes) in his or her crib at nap times, especially when they’ll sleep for 2-3 hours in a swing?

2. Why does my son wake up 2 hours after he eats (even at night sometimes) with no dirty diaper, no burp waiting to come, and after having gotten reflux meds less than 2 hours before?  And what can I do about it? 

3. Why does my friend’s baby, who is almost 2 months old, already sleep from 11 to 6 every night?  Why can’t mine do that?  (I actually know the answer to this one, but the reality still bugs me at 3 a.m. )

4. Now that my twins are staying awake longer, but can’t actually play with toys or entertain themselves, what can I do with them? 

5. I’m getting tired of exclusively breastfeeding.  When does real food come into the picture?

6. Should I be reading books on parenting/discipline/etc. now?  What are some good ones?

7. How do you balance attention between two children?  How do you make sure/encourage their daddy to do the same?

Okay, I guess that’s all the ones that come to mind right away.  I’m sure there’s lots of answers out there, and I’m sure the answers are probably different for different children.  But maybe some of your answers will work for me, too.  Anyway, I’d love to hear them.  Thanks!

That’s been my week, pretty much.  I’ve had a week-long, self-centered, pity party for myself. 

I’ve been discouraged, and I’m tired.  Spending last weekend with my parents was really good, but I came home totally spent, and then had to start the week trying to dig myself out of a hole.  And the babies aren’t sleeping very well again this week, so I’m really worn out.  I’m finding myself getting easily cranky about small things.  It’s not fun to be around myself…I don’t know how Eric is putting up with me.

I know what brought most of this to a head, though.  On Wednesday, a friend from college stopped by for a few hours.  It was great to see her and chat.  And she had her 5 week old with her, whom I hadn’t seen yet.  Unfortunately, I realized later that spending that time with her, both of us dealing with our little ones, was eye-opening for me.  It was the first time I actually could compare the amount of work one takes with the amount of work that two takes.  And forgive me for saying this, but two is a lot harder.  Her son is already 11 lbs., so he can sleep longer than my 12 week olds can.  She can keep him awake after feeding to encourage a schedule.  He eats and she puts him down to sleep and then walks away for a while.  None of that is true for me.  The reality hit me hard and discouraged me.  And it’s been hard to shake the self-pity that resulted from her visit.

EDIT: Of course, I don’t mean to imply that one is not hard.  It is.  And having more kids, one at a time or otherwise, is also crazy hard.  So to all the mommies out there, I know you know what I’m feeling and thanks for all the encouragement! END EDIT

But I am trying to correct my attitude.  I know that much of this is because my time with Jesus has been hit-or-miss for months (about 2 and a half, to be exact).  I know that I’m not walking in the Spirit because I’m totally fulfilling the lusts of my flesh (i.e., self pity).  Instead of love, I’m annoyed with people.  Instead of joy, I’m discouraged and cranky.  Instead of peace, I’m anxious and easily upset. 

I want my mental stability back.  I want to sleep again (though that doesn’t have anything to do with not being Spirit-led).  So, here’s my question for you mommies out there.  How do you manage to get your “devotions” in?  What works for you: a book, certain reading schedules, something else?  I need some advice so I can start to kick these bad mental/spiritual habits I’ve gotten into…thanks!