I feel as if those are all I have these days. I used to be able to use my intellect and collected “wealth” of knowledge, trivia, and experiences (mine and others) to come us with educated guesses to any question I faced. And my guesses were typically pretty good – or at least often enough that people asked me their questions more than once.
But here I am, a mom whose twins are almost 3 months old (on Sunday), and I seem to have nothing but questions and no real answers.
So I’m going to type out some of my questions, and if you have figured out answers to any of them, please feel free to answer for me.
1. How do you get a child (or two) to sleep for longer than 1 hour (it’s usually30-40 minutes) in his or her crib at nap times, especially when they’ll sleep for 2-3 hours in a swing?
2. Why does my son wake up 2 hours after he eats (even at night sometimes) with no dirty diaper, no burp waiting to come, and after having gotten reflux meds less than 2 hours before? And what can I do about it?
3. Why does my friend’s baby, who is almost 2 months old, already sleep from 11 to 6 every night? Why can’t mine do that? (I actually know the answer to this one, but the reality still bugs me at 3 a.m. 
)
4. Now that my twins are staying awake longer, but can’t actually play with toys or entertain themselves, what can I do with them?
5. I’m getting tired of exclusively breastfeeding. When does real food come into the picture?
6. Should I be reading books on parenting/discipline/etc. now? What are some good ones?
7. How do you balance attention between two children? How do you make sure/encourage their daddy to do the same?
Okay, I guess that’s all the ones that come to mind right away. I’m sure there’s lots of answers out there, and I’m sure the answers are probably different for different children. But maybe some of your answers will work for me, too. Anyway, I’d love to hear them. Thanks!
I am not a parent but I have heard the book Shepherding a Child’s Heart is good and so is Age of Opportunity.
Maybe it’s just me… if the baby will sleep in the swing longer, why not let them sleep in the swing? I know babies that have slept in their swings or their car seats for the first few months, just because it’s a little more cozy (something wrapped around them more) than a crib. More like the womb or something. Something Ian did like was when we’d put him in his crib inside the boppy. That way he was still cuddled in something but still in his crib where Kayla couldn’t get at him and wake him up!
Just curious what the answer is to #3 that you already know. Every baby is so different on the sleep thing. Ian was sleeping through at two months, then started waking up again at six months. Kayla never slept through until after she was four months old. Michelle’s twins slept through when they were two months old and less than nine pounds each! But then again, hers are early risers, so she still gets to get up by 7:00 every day! Now mine sleep till nine and ten every day! Who knows why kids sleep patterns are so different?
The food thing. Most people/doctors will tell you not before four months and most doctors say not before six months at all. Some say start with rice cereal, but I’ve had two very constipated children even before they started food, so we were recommended barley or oats cereal, and that’s what we started with both. There are some indicators you can find that your kids are “ready” for food: if they’re eating more than eight ounces of milk at a time, if they’re eating more than 32 ounces of milk in a day, if they’re mimicking your movements while you eat or turning their heads to watch the spoon go from your plate to your mouth, etc. There are lists out there. They’ve found a lot of increases of certain kinds of conditions in kids that get food before they’re ready for it.
Hope you get the answers you need!
I have the same problem with Oli – he keeps waking up after 45 mins exactly! So annoying – still trying to see what works with that. So far putting him on me works but I can’t do that every time otherwise I won’t get anything else done. I do sometimes when he and I are both tired though and sometimes we have a nap. I am sure with two that’s alittle trickier 😉 He does sometimes have a 2 hour nap in the day but all the other naps are 45 mins. I have tried letting him cry but I am not sure how long to leave him because he probably ends up waking himself up more. Occasionaly when he has his long 2 hour sleep I hear a little whimper at 45 mins and then nothing! So strange – let me know how you go with this one and I will also keep you posted!
Hey Shannah – I hope you’re doing well! I think of you often!
I have no real advice on most of these, but I will say on the nursing exclusively issue… I pump instead of nursing in the evenings. Brit gives Will his big evening feeding and then night feedings are also with the bottle (even though I’m up with him). So far, that seems to be helping to break the monotony… even though during the day I feel like I do almost nothing except unclasp and reclasp my bra!
I’m praying for you, Shannah!
@ladymiss3739 – Just wanted you to know that I was referencing you in my reply.
I pretty much agreed with what Missy says, with 2 additions/exceptions. The addition to #4 is to use a playmat if you have one, or the bouncy seat with toys hanging down, or a bumbo seat, or just a blanket wtih toys on it. Also, I have no idea how you feel about TV, but we like Baby Einstein videos, too!
As for #5, I will admit to having a strong opinion on this one. When I worked in family practice, I did a lot of reading and talking to the docs I worked with. The overall feeling was that 6 months is the best time to start solids (beginning with rice cereal). A lot of people start before that, believing that it helps the baby sleep longer/go longer between feedings. I disagree. Before that time, babies’ digestion just isn’t ready for solid foods. That said, I totally won’t judge you if you start earlier…………probably.
Seriously, though, this is the toughest time, I think………..it seems like they’re growing up so fast, and we want to experience the whole eating thing with them, and nursing gets tiring, but I think it pays to wait.
Also, #7……………I have no idea. We’re just flying by the seat of our pants.
I misunderstood question 2 ;)…
2. Sometimes I would pat ben’s back, but not pick him up, so he knew I was there to help him sooth back to sleep but it was NOT morning, so I wasn’t getting him up. (this would be difficult if both babies are in the same room).
I only have one child, so my situation is different, and I can’t imagine how you’re doing it with two, at the same time and different genders!!! I know each child is different, but here is what worked for me-
1. Ben used to sleep best laying on our bed with a sound machine on- I’d turn the sound machine on, nurse him laying down on our bed, then he’s stay asleep. My neice slept in a swing until she was 8 or 9 mo b/c that’s what worked.
2. My son rarely burped… I would pat and pat (firmly, even) and he just wouldn’t. I remember he used to poop like 12 times a day when he was a newborn, then it went down to a few times a week by the time he was 6 months, so it’s hard for me to remember the inbetween. (it was so infrequent at the end because my body produced what he needed, so there was not alot of “left over”).
3. My son woke up 1-3 times per night until 6 months, then 1 time per night until 11 months, then we started a night routine to put him to sleep (instead of nursing to sleep) and he started sleeping through the night… and has been EVERY night for the past 2 years. (it will happen!)
4. I don’t really remember??
5. We tried cereal at 5 1/2 months once or twice, but then we didn’t continue that and instead started baby food at 6 1/2 mo.
6. I read parts of “No cry sleep solution” and “Happiest Baby on the block” when he was a baby.
7. I do not know and can imagine it would be really challenging!!!
You are doing a great job and it will get better as they get older!!
First, let me just say I have never had two infants at one time, so you’re presented with a whole other challenge that I’ve never had to work with.
Also, I’m a perfectionist, this is how you do things kinda person, and I will say after having had two, that no two kids are alike, and some just don’t “follow the rules.” That being said, there are some things that I think are helpful to try, and you will find what works. Also, the first 3-4 months with most babies are the hardest, and I think you will find creating routines and schedules easier and easier as they get older. You may have to do things different ways for each baby.
1. How do you get a child (or two) to sleep for longer than 1 hour (it’s usually30-40 minutes) in his or her crib at nap times, especially when they’ll sleep for 2-3 hours in a swing? See if you can identify what’s waking them up (don’t forget about that 45 minute “intruder”). MomEdlund had great advice to let them cry and learn to self-settle, which you may already be doing. You may have to separate them during nap times so they don’t wake each other. This might not be one of those things they learn quickly. Some babies do, others don’t.
2. Why does my son wake up 2 hours after he eats (even at night sometimes) with no dirty diaper, no burp waiting to come, and after having gotten reflux meds less than 2 hours before? And what can I do about it? You can let him figure out how to go back to sleep. If you’re certain he needs nothing, there’s not much you can do for him that won’t get him to rely on you coming in to comfort him all the time. If you find that he likes a certain crib toy (like those ocean wonders aquariums, or leap frog light up music playing toys), you could always push that for him. Leah used to wake, I’d push the button, and it held her attention long enough for her to ease back into sleep.
4. Now that my twins are staying awake longer, but can’t actually play with toys or entertain themselves, what can I do with them? Hard question! I always feel the same way when my kids hit the 3-5 range. Once the weather warms up, walks are lovely. At that age, I would often give the kids whatever I could think of that was “new” to them to explore (plastic measuring spoons, a baby spoon, a paper napkin, etc). Kids love to see, taste, feel, anything that is new. At that age, most things are!!
5. I’m getting tired of exclusively breastfeeding. When does real food come into the picture? 4 months is the earliest recommendation. You might have little eaters that go to town on solids, or one or both won’t really care. If they’re little eaters, you’ll find that you won’t need to nurse as often (Leah was a crazy solid food eater). Gabe was not, and I still was nursing him every 2 1/2 hours at 7 months. Talk about exhausting and getting old.
6. Should I be reading books on parenting/discipline/etc. now? What are some good ones? You can. Sounds like you have a lot of common sense all on your own! Shepherding A Child’s Heart is a great biblical premise (I think) for kids who are older, and for keeping in mind as you try to draw up boundaries for younger kids. I don’t think it’s helpful in giving you ideas for babies/toddlers. I don’t have other recommendations. I have tons of books on raising kids, but either haven’t read them yet, or they’re about older children.
7. How do you balance attention between two children? How do you make sure/encourage their daddy to do the same? Again, your challenge is different than mine, b/c my children are different ages. Nevertheless, the issue is still there. I don’t know that the balance is always equal, or that it can be. Life isn’t always fair, but it can be just.
I’m sure you’re doing well with it. As for daddy’s…I think it might depend on the daddy. With Ed, it helps if I just say, “Here, Gabe wants to hold you” and hand Gabe to him. Routine can be good. When we just had Leah, she loved, loved, loved baths, and Ed loved seeing her so happy. He had the energy and time to help with her bath, so that kid got a bath every night and that was his time with her. Gabe is lucky if he gets clean nearly half that often, so things have changed, as have our circumstances. But my point, we both knew that was the routine, and so Ed always had that time with Leah. We haven’t been as succesful this time around, but his job requires more of him and he also is taking evening classes now, so this gets trickier.
How are you doing? Are you finding any times where you can have some time just to yourself to regroup and refresh?
1. I agree with Mom Edlund. They’re a little older now, so if he/she is fed, changed, just can’t sleep maybe just let him/her fuss for a bit in hopes they can learn to soothe him/herself. This option worked well for us.
2. Hmmm – that’s a hard one. Maybe he just can’t fall back asleep and wants you to help him with it?? 2 Great books that helped us were The Baby Whisperer by Tracy Hogg and Solve your Child’s Sleep Problems by Dr. Richard Ferber (We modified his version of his method that worked really well for us).
4. Do you have one of those handy dandy play mats with the toys dangling down? That was a fav in our house from about 2 months on. Also maybe a mirror propped up (some kiddos like to look at the baby in the mirror), or wrist rattles or maybe Baby Einstein DVD?
5. Did your pediatrician recommend to you when you should start feeding solids? Everyone has different opinions on this one. We started with cereal at 4 1/2 months but due to serious reflux issues we had to back way off wait until later.
6. I got Shepherding a Child’s Heart but haven’t read it yet. Heard it’s good. Also-my mother in law let me borrow Dare to Discipline, Parenting isn’t for Cowards, and The Strong Family. She said all of them are great.
7. Just talked to my good friend Helen about you. She has twins (boy & girl) that are 16 months old. I asked her if I could pass along her email address to you (I’ll message it to you) if you have any questions.
Nap time (I wish for me
) Gotta run!
1. no clue! i’m trying to figure this out again. eventually they do…i know, because the bigger two do just fine…but i’m not sure!
2. not sure about this one either. but, whatever you do do about it–keep it as stimulating-free as possible. no talking, no lights, no entertainment. make it all business, no pleasure. if my kids are up at night, i’ll do what they need; but i will not throw in any sparkly extras (not even for the little one–i feed her w/o lights & with little talking—all loving of course! but, it’s not “have fun with mama all alone” time.
3.
i was shocked that E2 didn’t sleep through the night at 3 mos like E1 did. it’s a shame they aren’t all cookie cutters in the sleep department!
4. I couldn’t remember this time around, either–i actually asked my neighbor the same question a few weeks ago! But, ive found that baby C blogs with me a lot, I lay her on the floor next to me & sit by her while i do things–fold laundry, watch t.v., read, etc. & just pat her & talk to her. And I also make sure she has plenty of awake time where she’s not being “entertained” by me–so she gets that it’s okay to be awake, happy & quiet. I talk the snot out of my kids, too. Not baby talk, but just telling them what i’m doing (maybe that’s to keep me sane?) Maybe i shouldn’t do that b/c now E1 talks the snot out of me!!
5. Whenever you think they’re ready!
I waited til 6 mos with E1, & 5ish with E2 b/c he was crabby.
6. I liked first time mom , but i also tried shepherding a child’s heart & it didn’t make sense because I wasn’t familiar with toddler discipline issues yet. I think it sticks better when you’re actually experiencing the discipline issues & it relates to what you’re doing.
op…gotta go! baby c wants something!
In answer to your first question…it is sometimes necessary not to go to them when they first start to fuss and make noise in order for the child to realize they can fall back asleep without someone else’s(mommy’s) assistance. Unless, of course, it’s time for them to eat. If this is occuring when the other child is sleeping, you may need to (for a time) move this child’s bed to a different room. We had to do this when Trisha was little.She kept waking up and crying for no apparent reason, so we put her in the living room where she wouldn’t bother anyone else. If I couldn’t find anything to be the matter with her, I left her to cry for awhile. It worked!!
As for when to start other foods…I think it’s up to you. Some babies/moms are ready before others. Give cereal a try and see how it goes. It’s your call!!
^me too!! lots to say—only one hand to type—back later.
Lots to say – little time to write at the moment. I’ll be back later