Day 9: Perspective

Posted on October 9, 2014 by Shannah

So I read a book recently called 30 Days of Praise for Parents by Becky Harling. I actually got to read it as a manuscript (I’m a freelance proofreader for a publishing company), but it’s on Amazon now, so you can read it, too.

I was really challenged by this book. I didn’t read it for the information (I was looking for spelling errors at the time), but the premise of the book is to commit to praise God for your kids for 30 days (check out Becky Harling’s website for her story and how the 30-day praise challenge changed her life), and the book give 30 different things to pray for, one for each day. Honestly I don’t remember most of them. But a couple of the ideas really stuck out to me.

And both of those days had to do with perspective. One had to do with praising God for who your child is…even (and especially) for the qualities or characteristics that just drive you nuts. This struck me. Praising God for a child’s anger or stubbornness or whatever? Really? But when I tried it, it changed my view of my own kids. I really do l one who they are, ALL of who they are. And praising for the parts of them that are challenging forces me to accept that part of them and find a new perspective on it. That stubbornness? Well, someday, maybe he’ll be stubborn enough to stand for his faith when others are making fun of him. And that anger? Maybe she will learn to be angry for justice and making a difference in the lives of people. God can USE those qualities. Much as I want to sometimes, I can’t pray that they go away…I have to pray that my kids (and I) submit to God’s ability to use those aspects of their character.

The other idea that stood out to me was to praise Jesus for what He’s doing in my kids’ lives. Not just asking Him to help me where I’m trying to work with them. But to step back and let Him have first go and praise Him for whatever He’s doing in their lives, even if it’s not what I think is “most important.” That was a big perspective shift for me, too.

I’m finding these ideas particularly valuable with the twins in Kindergarten. That hasn’t been an entirely easy transition. But remembering to praise God for my two (all four, really) and how He’s growing them in these days, makes a huge difference in my ability to respond to them creatively and helpfully.

So I do recommend this book (or you might start with the first book The 30-Day Praise Challenge, though I haven’t read that one). It’s always fun to see how God will change our perspectives. And it’s good for us, too!

Day 7: Megan

Posted on October 8, 2014 by Shannah

So this is an easy one. Today, Megan turned 4 years old. She’s a spunky, full of life little thing who adds adventure and charm to our family. She will find any dirt or sandbox or mud puddle within a 2 mile radius and happily splash and squoosh and smear it all over herself. There is no such thing as keeping her shirts clean.

But she is funny. Witty, even. By the time she’s a teenager, she’ll have a wicked grasp of humor and sarcasm and, well, wit. For now, the tiny seeds are visible, and I’m trying not to train her too early towards my own (at times) lack of tact.

She is loving having the twins in school now, despite the summer’s meltdowns over the coming change. We play games. We cook together. She loves to point that “she’s the only kid” so she gets to do [fill in the blank]. Obviously, Timmy is completely discounted from her equation there, but she is right that I’m not going to let him dump the flour into the bowl. So as usual, she’s pretty much right!

Megan is hard to capture in words. And she’s a pusher. She grabs everything by the horns and will NOT let go. She is stubborn. She is strong-willed. She is smart. OH.MY.WORD. Smart. But she’s a snuggler. A needer of verbal affirmation. A tender-hearted little thing who just colors our world with wonder.

Happy Birthday, Megan. You are truly one of a kind.

Poor, Poor Meg

Posted on August 29, 2014 by Shannah

So on Sunday night, we made our very first visit to the ER. Honestly, I’m surprised we made it this long. Seriously. Meg will be four in October, and I cannot believe we’ve never been there before. But anyway, we went.

At about 6:30, Eric came carrying Meg down the hill towards me, her arm cradled in her lap. She was crying. He looked very concerned. I touched the arm underneath the bones, and I knew. One glance at Eric, and we both agreed. That arm was broken.

So he put her in the van for me while I grabbed by stuff and drove for town. I talked to Meg some and said a prayer for us, that we could get there in good time and for grace, for doors to be opened to deal with the arm quickly and easily. And really, the entire night was one grace after another. I had no idea.

As I drove, I called our mothers and let them know, realized Meg had actually dozed off for a few minutes, and got to the ER about 7:15. Another family was at the check-in desk when I carried her in. They were sent back through the doors I had just come in, to the waiting room on the other side of the entrance. I came to the desk.

Me: Hi, I’m pretty sure my daughter broke her arm.

Check-in lady: Okay. Her name? (We went through all the basic info and got her bracelet put on her right arm). Okay, then why don’t you sit down right there.

She pointed at a single chair against the wall just inside the door. On this side of the entrance. She poked her head into the triage room, said something I couldn’t hear and then popped back out. “Okay, have a seat right in here, and we’ll get you started.” She gestured into the triage area, not five feet in front of me. Um…okay.

I moved into the chair inside the triage room, and the nurse and PA started talking. The word “deformity” got used more than once. The PA took Megan’s pulse while the nurse got some basic information. The PA went to another computer while the nurse took Meg’s temperature. She said, “Okay, Mom, that arm is definitely broken, we just need to know how bad.” Um…okay.

With that, they took us back to an open room. The only open room. The one, I realized, the triage ladies were saying had just come open as we got there. They’d put someone’s name on it from the waiting room, but bumped them back to put Meg in next. We were literally shown to a room in less than 5 minutes.

I was so grateful, too. I stopped to thank Jesus for answering my prayer. I remembered to pray for whoever’s name had been bumped down the list so Megan could go first. but mostly, I was just grateful the arm was actually broken and that we had done the right thing in coming.

Our nurse, Erin, followed us in almost immediately and started getting Meg some Motrin for the pain. She asked me a couple of questions and said the x-ray had already been ordered so we just had to wait for that. Seriously, they ordered the x-ray before we were even in the room. More grace.

We spent the next hour or so waiting, but never more than 20 or so minutes between someone’s arrival. Megan played my iPad and only cried if someone had to bump her arm. She was a CHAMP. Apparently trauma makes her mellow, not spastic. Another grace. The x-ray techs came and took two films. They took a top-down shot, and then moved the arm so the hand was palm-down, and as soon as they did, I could see it. Bones are not supposed to be like that.

After they finished, we waited for the orthopedic doctor to see and weigh in on the next step. Another doctor came in to check for other sprains or bruises…nothing (grace). Erin, the nurse, came back once or twice to check on us. Megan was very happy to play game after game on the iPad. She talked to anyone who talked to her. And they did so great with her. They spoke to her like a little person. But a little one. She told them what happened (“My leg tripped me.”) and where it hurt exactly. She thanked people as they left. They were all incredibly impressed, but honestly…that’s just my Meg.

Finally, the orthopedic guy came in. He showed me the x-rays, and confirmed what we all knew. The ulna was broken, a jagged point clearly not where it should be (but not through the skin either). But the radius had bowed, not broken, because her 3-year-old bones aren’t totally calcified yet. That’s what made that second x-ray look so bad. So the good news was that the break was nowhere near the growth plates (grace), she hadn’t broken both bones (grace), and he could manipulate it back in place that night. He recommended conscious sedation, which I was happy to approve, because he said oral sedatives “only gave me one chance and she’ll hate me forever.” Ha!

Anyway, to do the procedure, she had to have an IV. So we waited a few minutes for Erin to come back for that. She brought another nurse, Mike, with her. They talked to Megan about everything, and she let them do it all. Only when they actually poked her elbow did she cry. And she sobbed. But she didn’t flinch or pull or kick or anything. Mike held her arm just in case, but pretty soon they had it in and taped in place. And then Meg’s only concern was how she could play the iPad with both arms messed up (she quickly figured out she could still bend the right elbow).

After a bit, we were taken back to another room for the sedation and procedure. We put Meg in a wheelchair, and as the nurse turned right, I happened to glance left towards the entrance and there, just being brought to a room, was the couple who had been standing at the desk when I came in. It was two hours later, and they were just being seen. Thank you, Jesus, was all I could think.

We turned and then turned again down another hall of curtained rooms, and just as we got to the back room where things would go down, I heard, “Shannah?” Behind me came Becca Geyer, a nurse who was basically volunteering on the floor that night to prep for picking up more ER shifts in the future. She’s also the wife of Geoff Geyer, one of Eric’s best friends from college. Big-time Grace.

Becca hung with us for most of the next hour. She helped them get things set up. She and Mike watched the numbers and charted things. She explained stuff to me. She got me a sandwich and some water. (Another huge grace) She even held Meg’s arm while the actual procedure was done. I cannot even tell you how much it meant for a familiar face to be with us that night.

And the other ER personnel were just as great. Mike put all the monitors on Meg, and she ate up his explanations. Her thumb had a light on it. She got five stickers on her chest and belly. The orthopedic doctor explained what they would do, and then we sat for a few minutes waiting for the permission papers to come. I asked how he decided on orthopedics. He said, “Do you want the long version or the short?” I laughed, “Well, I’m gonna be here for a while.” He gave me the brief version, but it was interesting to hear what had gotten him to this moment with my child.

We had a few minutes of downtime in the back room, and I watched Meg’s ellies (her stuffed elephant rattles) sitting on the bed while she played the iPad. That was the only time I got nervous. Just how crazy things had gone, how fast things had gone, how I was sitting in a back room of the ER with an oblivious Meg, and so grateful it wasn’t worse. Still sedation is sedation, and for a few minutes, I was a bit overwhelmed.

And then things got rolling again. Meg answered all questions, but mostly she just played her iPad. The orthopedic guy was watching her play, amazed at how she was reading and doing the matching games so perfectly well. Yep, that’s my Meg. Then Mike put the morphine in. The doctor laughed, “Mike, man, you’re messing up her score with that stuff.” Sure enough, she couldn’t quite control her fingers, and it was kind of funny to watch.

They finished the sedation and started the process. There were 6 adults with large machines surrounding a big bed on which Meg was lying flat. It was a little surreal, but they worked well together. The x-ray techs came back and Becca held the arm while the doctor moved everything into place and put on the splint. They checked with the x-ray to see that all was well, and then wrapped the splint up.

After that, it was just a waiting game. Meg came out of sedation easily. She lifted her head a bit, lifted it a second time and said, “Hey mom, know what I see?” “No what?” “A stop sign.” Sure enough on the door across the room, 10 or 12 feet away, was a stop sign sticker. I knew she’d be fine then. I did catch her a couple of times just looking at her arm strangely, trying to figure out when the splint had appeared. But she was quickly back to the iPad while we waited for discharge. Oddly enough, that was the longest wait of the night because they had to have a pediatric sling brought down from the other hospital campus, but finally, two new nurses came (Mike joined them later) to unhook everything and get us discharged. Megan was very clear to the nurses that “her doctor” had put all those things on her (meaning Mike, of course). She was very proud of all her stickers and things. Then as I was talking to one nurse, Meg looked over at her.

Meg: What’s your name?

Nurse: I’m Jessie.

Meg: It’s nice to meet you Jessie.

Jessie: It’s nice to meet you, too, Megan. (she looked at me amazed…yep, that’s my Meg)

Megan: turning slowly to the other nurse, “And what’s your name?”

Nurse: I’m Jean. It’s nice to meet you.

Megan: It’s nice to meet you, too.

Then she went back to her iPad for a bit longer. FInally Mike, Jessie, and Jean had her all charted, unhooked, and in the sling. She thanked them all, again, as we left. As we exited the ER and headed to the car, I realized it was only 11:30 pm. Another grace.

As I was putting her in the car, Meg informed me that she wanted to watch Frozen when we got home. “Well, okay, maybe tomorrow morning,” I said. “No, when we get home. They told me, I could watch Frozen when I got home.” Right…just following doctor’s orders.

Anyway, we got home about midnight and got Megan something to eat. Earlier, she’d wanted to know when they were bringing her food, and she did get a purple popsicle on her way out. But overall, she did beyond well. The nurses and everyone were beyond impressed with her, and I could just see Jesus taking care of us the entire night. We’re now a few days past, and she’s itchin’ to get her cast so she can DO stuff again. But for our first broken bone and trip to the ER, I could not have asked for a better adventure.

One Crazy Weekend (Starting School)

Posted on August 27, 2014 by Shannah

I doubt any future “start of school” adventure we have will ever be able to top this year’s craziness. Just sayin’.

Kindergarten is our first adventure of its kind. We’ve never done preschool. My kids haven’t had a church nursery for over a year. We have done life together, up close and personal. And now, suddenly, my two Bigs are heading off into a brand-new thing.

I was/am so excited for them. Seriously. I sat in the parents’ orientation meeting, looking around the classroom and just knowing how much they will love it. Of course, I’m also aware of how exhausted they’re going to be for a while, going from nothing to all-day-every-day Kindergarten, but it is just what they need. My tears were happy tears. They are ready, and I’m so proud of the little people I get to send to Mrs. Cullins’s class.

So on Friday, we went in to meet the teacher, drop off our school supplies, and do a quick assessment to see where they are. And, yeah, they’re totally ready for Kindergarten. Alex is probably going to have a speech IEP for a while, but as far as knowledge goes – they are there. No big surprise. We are ready.

Then the weekend crazy hit. MOPS retreat on Friday night and the first half of Saturday. Eric watching kiddos. Writing like a mad woman any spare second I can get. Stayed up too late for a couple of nights. Trying to enjoy my kids and not put them off on this last weekend before school. Eric needing to get outside work done. More writing. Trying to get to the paperwork in the twins’ school folder – read it all, sign stuff, put it back in the right place in the folder.

(Side note: the twins each had a get-to-know-me paper for us to fill out. I did one for Megan at the same time. Erin’s favorite activity: shopping. What makes Alex happy: getting a new video game. What makes Megan sad: being left behind. Poor kid.)

Anyway, Saturday turned to Sunday. My in-laws left on vacation right after church. Eric went out to lunch with his brothers while I did lunch with the kids, then they rested/napped while I wrote some more. The guys came back, worked on the house, and then Alan headed back to do feeding. Just after 6, Eric headed over with the big 3 in the tractor. They were going to help Alan unload hay. I was going to have some space to write until it was time to throw a supper on the table. Great!

Just before 6:30, I saw a car come into the driveway. The twins came running down the hill to the door, hollering, “Megan fell down and Daddy thinks she broke her arm!” Um…what?!? He carried her down, she cradling her left arm against her belly. I felt it briefly. Yep. Broken.

So, I took Megan to the ER while Eric stayed with the kids. We got home about midnight (the events of our trip in will have to be a second post) and got to bed about 1:00 am.

At 7:00 am, Alex tumbled into our bed, ready for the day. Erin wasn’t far behind. We got ready for school. I made lunches and filled out all the details and paperwork that should’ve been done the night before. We were making good time. We walked up the hill…and waited for just a few minutes when our neighbor at the top of the hill stuck his head out the door. “The bus has already gone by,” he said. “What?!? When?” “About 10 minutes ago.”

Great. So we missed the bus on the first day of school. Thankfully, we had plenty of time to get there. Back down the hill we went and got into the van. I drove us up to school (there’s a bridge out causing all sorts of issues, but that’s a rant for another day), and got there just at the perfect time. I let the kids out and walked them to the corner of the building so they could see where the other kids were going in. They headed that way, and I hopped back in the van to get out of the way for other parents. I stopped briefly to chat with another mom, when we were interrupted.

Other mom: What? Does she need your mom? (Alex’s voice in the background.) Okay. (to me) I think Erin is crying.

Great. So I park and jog over. She is standing on the sidewalk, big tears on her face. The one who has been SO excited for school was suddenly struck by the magnitude of what she was about to do, and she got scared. I gave her a hug, and she cried on my shoulder (and this is where my tears started, too).

“Do you need me to walk in with you?” She nodded yes, so we joined the mass influx of children and I got them to the hallway. Alex walked right down, never looked back. Erin started down, and another lady who was standing there came to her to make sure she got to her room. I’m sure it took her all of 8 minutes to be excited again once inside the classroom, but for those few moments, it was just too much.

And it was a bit much for me, too. A broken arm, the ER, not enough sleep, my twins off to Kindergarten, the stress and drama just came crashing down. I’m sure everyone thought I was one of those moms who just boo-hoos because she can’t bear to let her kids go. Nope. But there’s only so much one can handle and my Erin-girl’s tears put me over the edge.

Anyway, I got home finally and Eric had turned on Frozen for Megan. I told him about Erin’s tears. He told me Megan had made him read her The Giving Tree (which we can barely get through on a good day!). There was a minute or two of sadness, and then back to the rush.

Eric hung with the littles while I got Meg’s prescription filled and went to the grocery. I scheduled the appointment for her to get her cast. I called the school to find out when I might expect their bus to show (it was 20 minutes late). I kept on writing furiously when I could while Eric worked outside some more. The kids got home, and we finally made it to the end of the first day of Kindergarten. Praise Jesus.

It was not the start I was planning for. But it was an adventure…that’s for sure. And hard as it was, God was working and helping and making a way. But hopefully, the rest of the year will be much less crazy!

Confessions

Posted on July 23, 2014 by Shannah

I let my kids play in the pouring down rain the other day. Timmy, Megan, & Alex splashed in the puddles, ran around, went tearing down the hill to jump into the puddles. They fell down in the mud. I’m pretty sure Timmy ate some mud. Megan threw some mud at the back of my van (she got scolded for that one). I stood under the umbrella and took pictures while mosquitos bit me.

I do not enjoy bedtime. I despise brushing teeth. I get so tired of trying to read a Bible story that no one really listens to. I read a story a while back about a mom dying of cancer and she would drag herself, literally crawl, up the stairs just to do bedtime with her kids because she loved it that much. And everybody was commenting how we should all be that kind of mom. Well, I’m not sure what I would do if I were dying of cancer, but I don’t think bedtime is the only place for really connecting with my kids. And for me, it’s not even remotely the best place.

I have been a huge grump this week. I’m blaming heat and hormones. But seriously…it’s been less than pretty.

Eric told me he got the “you’ve used 70% of your internet allotment” email last night. Somehow, we’ve used 10 gigs in 10 days, and our internet doesn’t reset until Aug. 12. I nearly cried. I hate, hate, hate having a set internet limit. I know it’s just a convenience. I know it’s a first-world problem. But it’s the number one thing about living out here that I struggle with. And there’s absolutely nothing that can be done about it.

I’ve tried the last few days to spend more time with my kids. Okay, to be honest, I’ve had no choice because Eric’s started tearing down the old house on the property and I can’t leave Timmy outside unattended. So if the bigs are out, he wants to be out, and I have to be there, too. But still, I’ve tried to play more games and last night, I even ran through the sprinkler a bit, too. I don’t play all the time because 1. I firmly believe that my kids need not to depend on me to think of entertainment for them and 2. I just don’t enjoy hours of card games with preschoolers. And I think that’s okay because I am their mom, not their playmate. But still, it’s probably good to do things with them more.

The twins start kindergarten in less than a month. And it’ll be a huge change for us. Definitely bittersweet. But honestly, they’re ready for it. I’m ready for it. I love my kids. I’m so glad to be a mom. I’m really grateful I can stay home with them. But I am OVER the all-four-are-preschoolers stage. Four kids in four years and all still at home. I know I’ll miss the big 2 during the day, but I am looking forward to their new challenges. I’m looking forward to having only 2 to focus on or take places. I’m looking forward to the tiniest hope of a few minutes in which I might not be interrupted continuously. Of course, ask me all this again in a month and it might be a different story. But for right now…I’m looking forward!

My kids are horribly wasteful. They leave so much food uneaten at every meal. They are not good about taking care of their toys (despite reminders, warnings, and even losing said toys). They are definitely little consumers, and I am totally at a loss for helping them be better about it. *sigh*

We are still using the We Choose Virtues program, and I LOVE it! They totally get it. It gives me an incredibly helpful vocabulary to address our situation. And it provides great opportunities to intentionally introduce important topics. Like this week’s virtue: vocabulary. One of the prompts talked about how forgiveness is about mending a broken relationship, which totally opened up to our needing forgiveness from God to mend our broken relationship with Him. I don’t know if they totally got it, but I love that we had the opening. It’s a start!

I am both really excited and really nervous about building our house. We close on our mortgage loan this week and will soon break ground. But man, the overwhelming reality of the whole thing…it’s gonna be a crazy 6 months (or longer). And the desire to build not just the prettiest, most expensive house we can, but a house that is functional and useful and that we intentionally lay at Jesus’s feet for his use. That’s a hard balance to find. And of course we’re planning to live in the double-wide while we build right outside the back door – yikes! How I’m going to manage the kids in a construction zone…very worrisome!

I’ve got a lot on my mind this way. Some days I’m a “good”mom. Some days I just let my kids watch TV and play on screens (Timmy has a horrible addiction already). But more than that…People hurting. Really hurting. My uncle who was fine in June and a month later is dying of cancer. Literally that fast. My own isolation and exhaustion and loneliness. My friends’ griefs and individual craziness. So many people who are struggling financially, emotionally. Our church family. And my wishing and wanting to find joy. Real joy.

Life is not easy. And it’s okay to admit that. No easy answers. Just a big God whom I’m choosing to trust and trying to follow. And trying to keep it real. With my kids and with Eric and with myself and with God.

And now…off to another day.

Y’all Gotta Try This!

Posted on July 1, 2014 by Shannah

So I don’t usually do product plugs, but y’all…this one has been A.maz.ing.

It’s called We Choose Virtues. It’s designed to help you introduce and teach your kids to think about and live out 12 basic virtues: being Attentive, Content, Diligent, Forgiving, Gentle, Helpful, Honest, Kind, Obedient, Patient, Perseverant, Self-Controlled.

And does it work? For us, it’s a resounding ‘YES’! Here’s why…

We’ve been talking about a lot of these ideas for a long time. But I’d been wanting to be more intentional about real-life application. I wanted my kids to really understand honesty, not just what it is, but why it’s so important. I wanted to introduce the concepts of choices and consequences, of how their actions and attitudes will have results, for other people and for themselves.

But I lacked the vocabulary. I know what all those virtues are, and I could even find Bible verses to match them. But getting them into my kids’ language – that’s what I was struggling to do.

Enter We Choose Virtues. It doesn’t DO the teaching of virtues. It’s still my job to work with my kids and make each virtue come to life for them. But it gives me a vocabulary that the children (5, 5, and 3) totally understand.

Let me give an example. We started with Honest. The card gives a positive definition: “I am a truth teller.” Then it gives a negative definition: “I am NOT a liar, a thief, or a cheater, and I don’t change the truth to get my way.”

So one random Wednesday morning, I decide to give it a whirl. They listen. They love the story of Hockey Stick Nick. It prompts actual conversation about telling the truth. We think of things Nick “could have” said (lies) and then what it would sound like for him to tell his mom the truth. They totally seem to get it. I think…cool!

And within two hours, we had used the Virtue vocabulary twice more. When someone gave an answer that seemed less than true, I asked, “Are you being honest?” Immediately, they stopped making eye contact, changed their story, and we slowly worked toward the truth.

My favorite example came a few days later. Megan was boohoo-ing in my bedroom, holding a coloring page. “They told me I didn’t color it good, and they gave me a zero!” Sure enough, on the back of her page, a big circle. As soon as she said it, Erin came running with her excuse: “Well, I drew it, but it isn’t a zero. It was supposed to be a smiley face, but…um…I forgot to put the face in.” Wow…impressive cover story for a 5 year old. I nearly laughed out loud. Still, a “Are you being a truth teller?” brought a complete change. She dipped her head, dropped her eye contact, totally stuck between her story and her desire not to be caught in a lie. We dealt with the situation, but again, I was amazed. The vocabulary provided by the We Choose Values program had given me exactly the right tools to deal with the dishonesty.

That’s what this program gives you: tools. There are others similar programs out there, and they might work better for you. But this one has worked fantastically for us so far. My kids remember the definitions (before starting Patient last night, we reviewed, and they remembered all 3 of the previous ones easily). Opportunities for conversation come up daily – many, many times! I can’t even tell you how many times we’ve covered Patient just since last night, though that could be because this is a virtue I still struggle with – Ha!

Still, if you are looking for a vocabulary, this is a great option. Again, it doesn’t do the work. You have to weave the concepts into your day. But the tools have been so effective for my family that I think they can be used for similar families or situations, too.

So, check out the website: https://wechoosevirtues.refersion.com/c/af34

Each Virtue has a positive definition, a negative definition, and a character who illustrates that value. There are kids cards, parent cards, assessments, wall posters and coloring pages. The program can be done with Bible verses or without. And it’s set up for families, Sunday Schools, or even homeschool/classrooms.

And for the sake of full disclosure, that is an affiliate link, and I’ll get like 10% of whatever you buy when you use that link. BUT, please let me be clear. I am not recommending this product to get a percentage. It really has worked, and I refused to write this post until I was sure I could support the program without reservation (I bought it a couple of months ago).

I truly do believe this program is worth your money. So check it out if you’re interested, but no worries if you don’t buy anything. If you have questions, let me know. Feel free to start small (I bought the Family Pack). But so far, I have been most impressed, and I have been better prepared to parent my kids in the way they need to go because of the tools this program offers.

10 Years, 17 Months

Posted on May 30, 2014 by Shannah

Today is a big day in our house.

One one hand, today marks our ten-year anniversary. I hear the old fashioned way to celebrate is a gift in tin or aluminum. The ‘modern’ list mentions diamond jewelry. We went the pizza-for-dinner, watch-a-movie-with-the-kids route instead (Rio was the movie, in case you were wondering). And Eric bought me flowers. Let’s just say he knows me pretty well by now, so he bought me flowers I can plant outside and not feel guilty about forgetting to water them.

And we did spend some time looking at pictures from that crazy day. The kids enjoyed seeing us. Alex wanted to know why we looked so different (I told him it’s because I haven’t slept for 5 years. ;-)) Mostly I’m just thankful we could look at the pictures because for some reason we could not find them on the computer (we did finally find the cds and got them uploaded where we can back them up regularly…whew!)

Of course, I can do all the “can’t believe it’s been 10 years” and “wow, we’ve been through so much” and that would be true. But I’ll just say this: in the last decade, we’ve done a lot of fun stuff and some hard stuff (like the first six months of parenting twins). But in the last year, we stepped it up a notch, stepped out, together, to try for something more than we had before. It’s been harder than I could have imagined. But it is ours. And I cannot imagine doing this life with anyone other than Eric Hogue. He grounds me. He puts up with my crazy ups-n-downs. He never, ever complains. And I’m so very grateful for these years. I hope to have many, many more. But for tonight, I’m just so glad I have all the memories we’ve made and I have his hand to hold.

On a different note…on the other hand, to complete the parallel structure from above… today is also the day that Timmy turns 17 months old! What a crazy, funny, wonderful little guy he is, too.

He’s in that stage of frustration. He knows what he wants. But pointing and grunting isn’t working anymore. He jabbers, thinking he’s saying something real, repeating the same syllables with the same inflections, over and over. But…it means nothing. I’m really hoping we see a huge leap forward in his verbal skills soon.

Of course, there are some words that he can do. He does “down” a lot. Also “done.” And “fishy” is pretty clear these days. He does call me by name, though it’s always “da mama.” Eric was “Da-doh” for a while, but now it’s slipping into “ba-ba,” which is odd because Timmy has a clear word for my dad which is “pa-pa.” And they’re clearly not the same word. So I’m not sure what the connection is. But it makes sense to Tim. Sometimes he seems to have an actual name for Erin, and sometimes Alex. But Megan’s got nothing yet.

He LOVES books. Loves them. He will sit and flip through the books, pointing out the pictures and hearing the words over and over. He just discovered a Rainbow Fish color book that he reads constantly. And he loves to make elephant sounds. Occasionally we can get a cow sound, but it comes out “boo” and he does no other animals sounds at all.

The boy never walks. He runs. Always. You put him down, he puts one foot out in front and then he runs until he falls down or gets where he meant to go. He climbs everything. Falls off of things regularly. He eats markers. Eats.them. And he still loves to put on play hats whenever he gets the chance. He plays chase and very desperately wants to be big enough to do the stuff Alex can do. In a couple of years, we will have quite a duo of boy-ness to enjoy.

Timmy loves to be outside. He loves to swing (but prefers the big kids’ swings). He’s already figured out how to let himself out the door (not good for me) and get back in (better for me), but he would stay outside all day if he could. He likes to ‘drive’ things, turning steering wheels and messing with levers or knobs. We’re working to break his addiction to electronics (he likes that he can touch the pictures and something happens), but he’s better than he used to be.

Really, at 17 months, he’s just a sweet and fabulous little man. I’m so glad he still likes to snuggle, especially at bedtime. And he’s still my jolly soul. He’s got a laugh that will melt your heart. But he’s definitely growing up. I’m just so glad to be along for his ride. So very, very glad.

So yes, today is a big day in our house. 10 years and 17 months. Can’t wait to see where we go from here!

WWAVD?

Posted on May 21, 2014 by Shannah

WWAVD…What would Ann Voskamp do? When Jen Hatmaker wrote that in a blog a while back, I laughed out loud at my computer. WWAVD…Awesome.

Because, though a bit late to the One Thousand Gifts party, I got there. And like most of us, I am often uplifted and touched by her blog. But I also need to be honest. Because, well, this is my blog, and I despise fluff and nonsense.

One Thousand Gifts is a remarkable book. Worth reading. And re-reading. Now, to be honest, some parts just elude me (I still don’t get the moon chapter). And to be honest, AV’s poetic style tends to bog me down sometimes. But the book…its ideas and questions and passion…they resonate every time I read them.

Eucharisteo. Giving thanks. Thankfulness as the path to re-membering ourselves into wholeness and a life fully lived. These ideas speak to me. I feel a Holy nudge as I consider them. And also, I cannot escape them. They keep showing up in other, unexpected places.

Like Madeleine L’Engle’s Walking on Water. A book about faith and art and how the two intersect. But right in the middle, she describes the life-threatening injury of her then-9-year-old granddaughter, Lena.

“I opened the small prayer book I bring with me when I travel, and when I came to the psalms for the evening, there was a picture of nine-year-old Lena…It was almost more than I could bear. I held the prayer book loosely, and a card fell out…on it were the words of John of the Cross: ‘One act of thanksgiving made when things go wrong is worth a thousand when things go well.’

“And I knew that I had to make that act of thanksgiving. I’m sure I was given the grace to make it that night and during the several days that followed…The largest part of that act of thanksgiving was gratitude for my children and grandchildren, for the first nine years of Lena’s life, and then to say with Lady Julian of Norwich, ‘But all shall be well and all shall be well and all manner of thing shall be well,’ and then to add, ‘No matter what.’ That was the important part, the ‘no matter what.’

“It was ten days before Lena regained full consciousness and we knew that she would recover. The gift of that card falling out of my prayer book when it did was one of the greatest gifts I have ever received. It made me affirm to myself that God is in control, no matter what, that ultimately all shall be well, no matter what.”

There it was again…out of nowhere…eucharisteo. Thanksgiving in the middle of real life. And God showing up, unmistakable and full of mercy. AV’s message. Another’s words. I see it. I get it. I think they have uncovered a real and truly holy truth.

But…here’s the thing. I’ve read One Thousand Gifts multiple times. I’ve recommended it to others. I even started a ‘gift list’ of my own. And yet. And yet. Something is still missing.

It’s like I’m trying to study off of someone else’s outline.

Starting in junior high, I studied by outlining chapters. It helped me remember the key information. I understood each chapter’s flow: the main points, the sub points, the important words. By the time I finished an outline, I knew the chapter. I had it.

But of course, it wasn’t a miracle solution. Sometimes, my friends would ask to borrow an outline. They wanted to look over it, hoping a quick glance right before the test would give them an edge. I always let them look, of course. But though they were hoping the information would just sink in, it never worked that way. My scores were always higher. My ability to use the information was always better.

Because they hadn’t done the work. They hadn’t read the chapter sentence by sentence, writing as they went. They were reading my journey through the lesson, reading my record of how it all fell together.

And that’s where I find myself with AV and my gift list. I got over 500 things written down. But it never stopped feeling…fake. Some of it was true thankfulness. But “write down 3 unspoken graces” just never ended up meaning much to me. And months in (and multiple readings of the book accomplished), I still don’t see much joy.

And I want the joy.

So I’ve stopped trying to copy her path. Maybe a list worked for her. Because she was living the lesson as she wrote them down. Maybe a list is working for you. (If so, great. Seriously, I’m so glad for you.) But it has seemed that the path to joy may not be as simple as just writing things down – at least not for me.

I need to think my way through it first. I need to understand the grace of it all before recording the graces makes a dent in my think skull. I have to absorb the truth of eucharisteo straight to my heart before my heart can break open to the joy of gratitude.

So I’ve given up on my list. I’m not done with eucharisteo. Not by any stretch. When I find myself in a rough patch with my kids. In a pity party of my own creation. When I’m just short of huffing in irritation at my husband. In those moments, I am working to build the same habit. To stop and give thanks. To redirect my perspective up. To pause and see good when I am ready to slice off someone’s head with my sharp and sarcastic tongue.

I’m learning. It’s the same path, I think. But a list of 1,000 things will probably not be part of it. At least not for me. And if not for you, either, that’s okay. Don’t limit yourself to reading AV’s outline. I don’t think that’s ever what she intended. Find your own path to the heart of joy. Pursue gratitude. Give thanks.

And in the end, I think that God will show up. No matter what.

This Week

Posted on March 21, 2014 by Shannah

This week…we laid to rest Eric’s Grandpa Hogue. He was 92 years old. He loved his wife of 64+ years, loved my kids, loved to pick apples. He struggled with the robotic barn Alan built, but he loved all the people who came to see it. He was a die-hard high school sports fan, long after his kids and grandkids were graduated. He was a sweet, sweet man with a happy smile and will be sorely missed, not just by the family, but by the entire community.

This week…my kids got their first taste of death in a real and personal sense. We worked hard to prepare them (Grandpa had a stroke about 2 weeks before he passed, so we had some warning). I got Nana Upstairs Nana Downstairs from the library to read with them. I read it as a child at my Aunt Kathy’s house, and I remember how sad the story made me. It was just the right amount of information for my kids and prompted good questions.

We talked about the viewing and the funeral: what they should expect, how it would look, how HE would look. I think we managed to give them enough because they just accepted the whole thing without meltdowns or fear. They were with us at one of the two sessions of calling hours, but I had things for them to do in the back so they didn’t have to sit out with the crowd the whole time. I did make them sit through the funeral, which got boring for them. In fact, Erin at one point told me, “This isn’t very fun.” “No,” I told her, “it’s not. Not at all. But sometimes we have to do things that aren’t fun and you can sit there for a little while longer.” And they did fine. Really, they did very, very well. And no one is more scared of death now than they were before…so that’s a huge success in my book!

This week…we registered the twins for Kindergarten. There was a TON of paperwork to fill out. And we’ve signed up for the evaluation day in May. They’re already showing off what they know, so I don’t think they’ll have any trouble. But, we are officially headed towards the next stage of life. Crazy!

I was a little bummed by the coming changes a couple of months ago. But I’m really okay with them going now. It’s time. They’re ready. I’m NOT homeschooling, and as hard as the adjustment to all-day-every-day Kindergarten is going to be on them, we are ready for the next phase. Well, almost all of us because…

This week…Megan figured out that the twins were going to school without her. We were driving to Walmart, talking about kindergarten, and suddenly, she was whimpering. “What’s wrong, Meg?” “But, if they go to school, my sister won’t be here to play with me anymore!” I tried to reassure her: it’s not for months, they’ll still be able to play with her after school, we’ll do fun things on our own, she’ll have me and Timmy to play with. But she wasn’t convinced. “Timmy messes my stuff up when he plays with me.” SO…I think the twins aren’t the only ones who’ll have a big adjustment to make.

This week…Eric was required to go bowling at work. Workplace “morale builders” just don’t make much sense. But c’est la vie, I guess!

This week…we caught colds. I blame the up-and-down temperatures. For some reason, that always makes the “yuck bugs” stronger. Timmy’s got a lovely snot face these days. And on Tuesday, Erin woke up with a cough and Megan with a fever. She felt so bad she actually took herself back to bed for a nap after breakfast. I couldn’t find her for a minute and there she was! Poor thing. Anyway, it was short-lived, thankfully. And no one else has had one. But she was pretty low that day.

Actually, this week…was full of highs and lows. The weather was fan.tas.tic one day. It was downright cold the next day. On Wednesday, my kids had one of their best trips out ever. They were patient with me and each other. They didn’t whine or complain or bicker. They (mostly) obeyed. It was lovely. And then the next day they did nothing but talk over me, complain, run screaming through the house, smack or kick each other, and otherwise be cranky. In the middle of the week, I couldn’t find the floor for two days, and then today I managed to get it clean enough to vacuum (will wonders never cease)! So up and down, round and round. That’s how this week has gone.

Of course, we’ve also had lots of laughter and fun. Timmy is loving hats these days and he just grins when you put one on his head.

We received and watched Frozen, to great delight. Megan’s been earning sticker after sticker on her potty chart (I think in the last two weeks she’s had 2 accidents, total!) and has earned a My Little Pony doll, a Bubble Guppies dvd, and is 3 days from earning her new Barbie doll. All three kids ran up the hill today to see the new baby lamb, chicks, and ducklings at our neighbors house. And we have colored, painted, collected pinecones among other craziness.

So yes, a good week, a hard week, an up-n-down week. Overall, a pretty good microcosm of life, really. And all of it covered by the grace and presence of a God who loves us, saves us, and makes us holy.

Really, it doesn’t get much better than that.

February Already?

Posted on February 14, 2014 by Shannah

So a quick update of life in the Valley…

TIMMY

Timmy is now 13 months old. We are entering what is one my most favorite stages of the preschool years. He jabbers constantly, and is quickly developing sounds that are intended to be actual words. The best ones are “doggie,” “light,” “on,” and “uh-oh.” In fact, “uh-oh” is clear as a bell, and he even uses it at the appropriate moments (dropping something or falling down). He also greeted Eric with a very clear “Dah-ee” when he walked in the other day. It was most definitely a.dor.able.

Timmy’s still climbing and running all the time. He giggles with his whole self, and he puts all he’s got into fits and meltdowns, too. He put through 3 top teeth, but it took about 10 days. Either he has really slow-moving teeth or seriously thick gums. Either way…teething is painful for both of us! On the other basic fronts, he has finally started sleeping really well (most nights he goes from 8:30 or 9 to 7 with little, if any, fussing), and he’s gotten much braver with people food. He’s finally adjusted to milk, and I’ve almost stopped supplementing with baby food. Now we’re starting to experiment with silverware, but we haven’t made much progress on that front yet.

ALEX

This week’s great love is doing workbooks. My mom gave us an entire workbook of hidden picture pages (and I found another one that added mazes and dot-to-dots as well), and Alex has searched and found and colored his way through them both – along with every other workbook I could find to give him. He’s emptied my stash almost completely! It’s fun to watch him do the hidden pictures, too, because instead of circling the pictures when he finds them, he just colored the picture in the list the same color as it’s surroundings in the picture. So if he found a bug hidden on a blue roof, the bug is colored blue. And a flag on the grass is green. And if he had to find 3 of a particular item, the list picture gets a rainbow of colors, one for each hidden space.

We did survive the frigid temperatures, too, although Alex was getting a little rough in his play with his sisters towards the end. He likes to sled and eat snow, but his favorite outdoor activity is finding a big stick and whacking it against a tree until it breaks into smaller and smaller pieces. I guess there’s just no separating a boy and a big stick!

ERIN

Erin loves to go outside, especially if it means one-on-one time with her dad. The other day, she bundled up and went out to play so that she would already be outside when Eric got home and could join him in the garage. When he did get back, I glanced out the window to see that he’d showed her how to slide down on her belly on the ice, no sled needed. I got some video of it later, but it was quite a fun adventure for her!

She also can be a total sweetie. Our neighbors up the lane have a 4 year old who loves to play with my kids. They’ve been out regularly this week to sled and whatnot together. Anyway, one of the times they headed up to his house to play, Megan was the last to get her snow clothes on. She wanted to go, but didn’t want to walk by herself. I started her and then came in quickly to throw a coat and blanket on Tim to walk her up, but when I opened the door, Miss Erin had come back and was walking with her. Without being asked. Love.it!

Erin’s also discovered a new love: My Little Ponies. She and Meg spend a lot of the day playing with Pinkie Pie and Rarity (who is actually an older pony, Cup Cake, but they don’t know who she is, so they pretend she’s Rarity) and Rainbow Dash. Sadly we cannot watch the episodes nearly as often as she would like. But I’m sure we’ll survive the trauma somehow… 😉

MEGAN

Megan loves coloring. LOVES coloring. She also loves puzzles, playing dolls with Erin, and snuggling with me, especially in the middle of the night. 😛 There has definitely been an increase in her drama in recent days, but I’m sure that has as much to do with cabin fever as with her age! We are still fighting with potty training. I guess that is just my lot in life (hard PT-ers). The last couple of days have been seriously difficult on that front. I hope we see improvement soon.

On the other hand, Meg’s started snuggling every chance she can get (or create). And I love it. This girl gives hugs like she does everything else…with all of her. She wraps herself around your neck and holds on TIGHT. And then she snuggles in and grins up at you with the sweetest little Meg face she can muster. Yep…definitely love that little thing!

And as for the rest of us…we are surviving. Not always with great beauty, and occasionally with big meltdowns (that would be me, mostly), but day-by-day we are making it through. I’m not in any hurry for Spring, to be honest, because I’m really trying not to wish away my days. But man, is it hard to stay focused and engaged all day, every day, with all four kids at once. I’m just worn out from the drain of it. Still, it’s just a stage and it’ll pass, and when it does, I’m sure I’ll miss it. Or parts of it anyway. I will NEVER miss potty-training. EVER!

Just sayin’! 😉

Life in the Blue House

Cultivating an open heart, a curious mind, and a growing faith

Category Archives: Family & Marriage