So there are now way too many reports of people being harassed, assaulted, demeaned, threatened by “Trump supporters.” And from one side, I’m hearing a lot of “This is all your fault” and “You’d better fix this” to the other side.

So, let’s get this (I would have thought) obvious point out of the way.

All of that stuff is NOT OKAY. It’s illegal, unfair, demeaning, immature, and unacceptable. The children in grown-ups’ bodies who’ve been behaving this way must stop. They must be stopped. They must be arrested, convicted, fined, whatever can be done. The little children who are doing and saying such things must be taken aside and dealt with. Preferably as a teachable moment, but with whatever punishments are appropriate and in place for these situations.

Are we clear? This is NOT OKAY. It wasn’t okay a week ago. It’s not okay today. And it won’t be okay on January 21 when Trump officially takes office. You cannot DO those things and get away with it. So STOP IT.

But just saying this on a blog post doesn’t really mean so much. Because I can’t DO anything about them. I’ve read the stories. And they are heartbreaking. I’m upset. But…I don’t know anyone who’s had it happen to them (that I’m aware of). I haven’t done it. No one I know has done it. I haven’t seen any of it. It’s all over Facebook. But it’s not where I am.

Now, I assure you, if I do see it, I won’t let it go. Absolutely NO ONE should be treated like this. EVER. And while I generally refuse to do empty gestures (I never wear pink in October, for example), I may actually put a safety pin on my purse or jacket. I really like using something so small to say, I’m a safe place. I will walk with you. I will protect you, help you, be there for you. THAT is a good idea.

But I still come back to this. Where I am, I don’t see much of it. I can’t DO much about it. So instead, I did something else.

Here’s what I did do this week:

I talked with people. With MY people. I’m sharing the articles and the stories people are posting. I want to facilitate discussion, get out of the echo chambers, and really engage with the other side. That’s what I’m doing where I am.

And I reached out to the “others” in my life. People who voted differently than me. Who think differently. Who maybe are afraid right now. I told them how much I appreciate them. I made a point of not letting silence fall between us. And I had wonderful, helpful dialogue. I learned new things That’s what I’m doing right where I am.

Then today, I was scheduled to teach children’s church. So we talked about kind words. Proverbs 16:24. Ephesians 4:32. We talked about what they do for the people who hear them. And why the Bible tells us to use them. And we listed practical, kind things we can say. And we remembered that it isn’t always easy to be kind, but we have to do it anyway. In a week where the adults seemed to have forgotten this basic principle, we covered it again with these 13 kids. Because that’s what I could do where I am.

And you can do these things…where you are. You can reach out. To your people. To your “others.” You can speak truth…IN LOVE. You can be kind. Of course, PLEASE, stop the bullying and harassment if you see it. And if you don’t see it, don’t pretend it isn’t there. Pray over it. Ask someone over for dinner. Send a message. DO WHAT YOU CAN…WHERE YOU ARE.

And if everyone did that, no matter who they voted for, we would all find ourselves in a much better, safer, and more unified place.

The election is over (finally!). The results are in. And America is now looking around at the debris (to some, the holocaust) and wondering … what’s next?

I, for one, am shocked and (tbh) pleased. I have been a #neverHillary for 20 years, long before hashtags were even a thing. But I honestly didn’t think she could be beaten. And yet, somehow, she was. So today, my first emotion is relief.

And my next emotion is uncertainty. I did not vote for Trump, and I really didn’t want Hillary. (I voted for McMullin because it became most important to me that I respect the person I asked to lead us.) But Trump is in. And I have absolutely NO idea what that means. Will he rise to the occasion? Will he show a maturity that we’ve only seen glimpses of? Will he inspire the hatred and vitriol he’s accused of pandering in? I just don’t know. Trump is…all of this is…a whole new ball of wax.

And as we move forward, life will continue. Pundits will talk. Trump will take Obama’s place in January.  Life will move on. But the important question is…what about the rest of us? How do we proceed? What will the next day, month, year look like? For us? Individually and as a country?

For me, it’s this. I hope it looks an awful lot like this (skip to the 4th paragraph from the end if you don’t want to read it all):

NOTHING WORKS BETTER (James MacDonald/Walk in the Word email 11/9/16)

Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves (Philippians 2:3, NASB).

Are you having a tough day today? Been a little down in the dumps lately?

There’s a way to fix that—but not by “working on it.” The way to increase your joy again starts by doing “nothing from selfishness.” … Selfishness leads to every sin, and every sin invariably leads to discouragement, disappointment, disillusionment, and eventually to misery. Never to joy. … if you truly want to capture the joy that’s been so deftly escaping you lately, you must “do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit.” Nothing. Nothing from “rivalry,” as one translation says (HCSB), or from “selfish ambition,” as another puts it (ESV). Nothing.

This includes anything you do, whether intentionally or reflexively, to promote yourself and impress other people in hopes of getting them to see how great you are, how cool you seem, or how many good ideas you come up with. “Do nothing” to make sure your contributions at work or church or even just around the house are sufficiently admired and appreciated. “Nothing” to seek acknowledgement for yourself out of fear your talents will never be noticed if you don’t somehow point them out to people. “Nothing” to manufacture your own acceptance, promotion, popularity, affirmation, or happiness.

God’s Word would teach us that this grasping after self-promotion leads only to misery. But you can break out of this type of misery—you can choose to live in joy—right now, today, by doing “nothing from selfishness or empty conceit.” Choose instead to live in “humility of mind” by regarding other people as “more important than yourselves.” …

So instead of seeing people as a frustrating waste of your time, consider their need for being heard right now to be of more importance than what you’d otherwise be doing. Instead of making demands and asserting your rights, consider that what others need for doing their job or improving their skills takes precedence right now over whatever you were hoping to do for yourself. “Let each of you look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others” (Philippians 2:4 ESV).

You can’t be forced to live this way. You have to choose it, and most people don’t. So you and they can just keep sitting there under that oak tree, shaking your branches and trying to stand apart from the rest and from each other. But you will never live with joy if you continue to stay rooted and planted in selfishness.

Choose self, and choose misery.

But choose humility—choose others—and expect the leaves to start falling off that tree of sin and discouragement.

Let me quickly recap the last three days.

On Friday, after fall parties at school, I did not make the kids ride the bus home. I know, I’m a giver. It’s also a long weekend, so I let them crash and watch a movie when we got home. I know, I’m such a good mom.

During said movie and while I chatted with Eric on his drive home, a wail of agony suddenly filled the living room. In the (short) time it took me to realize this was an actual injury and get to the couch, blood was dripping from Erin’s eyebrow, down her cheek, over her jaw, down her neck and onto her shirt.

It turns out that there had been an “issue” about the remote control. It was “suggested” that Meg put the remote somewhere else. So she “tossed” it onto the couch. And somehow the remote smashed into Erin’s eyebrow, cutting open a small gash and bruising the area to boot. Both girls wailed (one from pain, the other because “I said I was sorry!”), but we did finally get everyone cleaned up and calmed down.

But THEN…

While at their grandma’s house on Friday night, the footrest of the recliner was somehow flipped out so that it smacked Timmy right under the chin. Much sadness ensued.

THEN…

Alex barfed at 12:30 in the morning on Saturday night after (apparently) too much excitement and heavy food at the birthday party we went to that evening. So we spent a half-hour stripping his bed, cleaning up, remaking the bed, and starting a rinse cycle in the washing machine. But he did feel much better after that…

And THEN…to ice the proverbial cake…

This morning, we were trying to get hair brushed and shoes on to get to church. I was brushing Erin’s hair, facing the couch where Megan was rolling around on the cushions next to Eric. As only Megan can do, she fell off the couch, face first, right onto the floor. Wailing ensued. Eric picked her up, and I fully expected to see a bloody nose, but no. Instead, there was a long wicked-looking scratch from just above the inside corner of her eye to mid-cheek, running parallel to her nose. How did it happen? She had fallen onto Erin’s foot and Erin’s toenail had scratched her face. Her TOE NAIL.

Seriously? I cannot explain how both normal and bizarre it is that in three days’ time, we have been cut open with a remote control, attacked by a footrest, over-partied, and been gashed by a TOE NAIL. Which, in case you wondered, I cut before we left for church.

And all I can think is how much every family and every house has its own brand of “you wouldn’t believe me if I told you.” Ours is crazy. Yours probably is too. And sometimes we just have to tell the strange episodes. Record them. Share them so that other parents feel better that, at least this weekend, their house was the normal one.

So, you’re welcome for that.

Oh, and after searching for almost 10 minutes, we finally found Timmy’s other shoe…on the kitchen counter. It’s our own crazy life, for sure.

So I don’t normally do politics. And the current climate is enough to make any thought of sharing ideas somewhat concerning. But I need to record my thoughts. You are not obliged to read them or to agree.

First, let me begin with the strange reality that, three weeks from election day, I still am not settled about my vote. I am a firm believer in the need to vote, so simply staying home is not an option. Which leaves me with Bad Choice #1, Bad Choice #2, and Not-Real-Options #3. It’s kind of infuriating, really. But that’s where I am.

On to my observations…

1. I am appalled by the way that both sides have behaved in this election. I doubt it’s really different than usual, but with the immediacy of Facebook and social media, the slams come faster and the sound bites sting unexpectedly like sitting down on a wasp we didn’t realize was there.

The thing is, most of the antagonism has come down to this: “We disagree, therefore I am right and you are stupid.” I have lost count of how many times my intelligence has been insulted (or the intelligence of someone on ‘the other side’) simply because we don’t see things the same way. Y’ALL. I am not stupid. I’m not.

First, no matter who I vote for, I am doing serious amounts of soul-searching and thinking about it. And second, BOTH sides have people who are voting blindly. Neither side has the handle on smart, thinking voters. The left is “appalled” that so many would “mindlessly” support Trump, but they are counting on thousands and thousands of voters who will vote for HRC rather “mindlessly,” too. And vice versa. But bottom line, the issue is NOT stupidity. So please stop with the insults.

2. There has been a great cultural shift over the last many years, requiring us to acknowledge everyone’s experience as unique. And that is good in many ways. But it’s also problematic. Because we have finally come to a place where we aren’t allowed to disagree with each other. There is no longer any room for honest and respectful disagreement. And that is not okay.

I read recently about a lady who’s therapist was really good at “holding space” for her to come to her own conclusions about things. I so very much wish that were true in our culture right now. And, as much as I’d like to say it used to be like that…and maybe it kind of was…in many ways it’s never been like that. There have always been a lot of people who’s ideas were not allowed in, in a lot of arenas — academic, political, business, cultural — simply because they were different.

But differing is not a bad thing. In holding space for each other’s differences, and differences of opinions, like that woman’s therapist, we would actually let people come through on their own. They would see the honest reflection of themselves and the way out, without our help and without our insults.

I’m convinced that I need to work harder to simply hold space for people whose ideas and experiences are different from mine. It really hurts because so far, the FB posts and sound bites have been painful. I think, “You don’t even know me. You’re talking about me, but I’m not anything like what you’re describing!” It’s hard. But I’m trying to hold room for the opinions anyway. It’s respectful. It opens the lines of communication instead of closing them. It means we see each other as valuable and important and REAL people. And it really is okay if, in the final analysis, we disagree.

3. And then, yesterday, I had this moment of clarity. And this may be the most important take-away I have for this entire election. No matter which one I end up voting for.

Because I was trying for all I was worth to wrap my head around it all, and I couldn’t. The reality is, there is no candidate or party in this election that is speaking for me. Not one. And I have no idea what to do with that. All the choices are bad. None of them are who I want or the platform that represents me. Ack!

And then I realized…for how many people in our country is this true of every election? Or even most elections? It’s consuming my thinking because it is so strange to me. I’ve NEVER had this happen before. Someone always speaks for me. And this time, they don’t. But how many of my friends, my neighbors, feel this kind of frustration and alienation every.single.time? For reasons of race or religion or class or economic status or education…for how many people is this the norm? And what can we do about it?

The answer is…I have no freakin’ idea. But I’m incredibly glad for the thought. Not because I’m enjoying the torture that is this election. But because I can actually recognize that everyone should have a voice. And it hurts when you don’t.

SO there you go…some random thoughts on Election 2016. I hope I can figure out what to do, and I hope y’all will give me the grace to fumble through on this one, and hopefully, we’ll find a way to come closer together on the other side of November 8. And no matter who you decide to stand with…please…go vote. It really does matter.

I went to Kohl’s today. Decided I was going to go try on blue jeans until I found a pair that I really liked. I even remembered my Yes2You reward coupon (go, me!). So I took Timmy and I looked at jean racks in every area I could find. He pushed the cart. And I tried on like 10-12 pairs of jeans. And I found some I liked. Really fit well. Bought two pairs and a few other things and headed out. We went grocery shopping and then headed home. And after getting his lunch, I sat down at my computer.

I’d gotten an email. It was “from” the manager of the Zanesville Kohls, thanking me for shopping today and inviting me back again soon. And all I could think was…SERIOUSLY?

Now, don’t get me wrong, I like to be appreciated. I’m sure the Kohl’s people are glad I shopped at their store today…it helps their bottom line. But they didn’t notice ME. Their computer saw my number scan at a register which added me to an email list. It wasn’t real. I know it, and they know it. And yet, they have the system in place to send the email.

But why?

Because apparently we are now so desperate for appreciation that we need “the manager” of the store we shopped at to acknowledge us. We apparently need to be thanked for buying ourselves new jeans, to be patted on the head (via email) for going about our day.

And, the truth is, I hear a lot of resentment when we’re not feeling appreciated:

• “Well, I was in there for like 40 minutes, and not one single salesperson even looked at me.”
• “Oh, I don’t go to that church. I never felt accepted…all the women seemed so stuck on themselves.”
• “Don’t shop there. I went there once and spent a lot of money, and no one even acknowledged me.”

We don’t feel appreciated, so we get resentful. And resentful people spend their money elsewhere. And of course, the Kohl’s email probably does work. Probably somewhere, someone got a similar email to this one and it just blessed their socks off. And good for them. I probably need to be easier to bless.

But the thing is, if it had been a true act of appreciation, I would have been blessed. When a friend takes time from her day to speak kindness into mine, to notice me in a positive way, I do feel appreciated. But “appreciation” can never really come from a mass email. I mean, would I really not shop at Kohl’s again because no one acknowledged my time in their store today?

I guess the thing just seemed so strange, I needed to vent about it (and what else is blogging about, right?). Still, I think we can take away 2 things.

1. In our world, there are a LOT of people feeling unappreciated right now. People on both sides of a LOT of lines. Political lines. Racial lines. Denominational lines. We’re divided, and we feel unnoticed. And we’re resentful. Let’s practice true appreciation. Let’s be the people who say thanks, take notice, give praise, and build up.
2. And two, let’s recognize that where I shop and whether someone notices me or not (even someone close to me) is not really a mark of my worth. Let’s just delete silly emails from stores and websites designed to make me “feel good.” Let’s call resentment what it is and choose to let it go. Let’s give people more credit that they really weren’t out to put us down or ignore us. And let’s trust in the fact that our value is far greater than a store’s email can express.

Yes, it feels good to be appreciated, and we need it. But false appreciation actually makes us feel worse. So let’s make true appreciation a mark of our lives. No matter where we buy our blue jeans.

I don’t know your name yet. Or maybe I do, and I’m still unaware of it. But I’m waiting for you.

You, my friend.

It’s been a long time of just circling, waiting, sometimes (mostly) less than patiently, for you to arrive. My next real friend. I had to move, you see, to set my family up for a new, bigger dream. But it meant leaving people behind. And while they still love me, I know they do, things changed.

And I’m lonely. I’ve been lonely for a long, long time. And I’m tired. Of wishing someone would call and ask how I am.  Of having no one to tell stuff that I’m thinking about. Of crying alone. Of missing out on the laughter inside me that I need someone else to help draw out of me.

See, you’ll find out soon enough that I’m too serious. I take every too seriously. And I’m funny. I really am. But I hide it. And hide behind it. So I’m waiting for someone who won’t be afraid of my intensity and my brash humor. And I’m waiting for someone to discover that I don’t do lots of people. I do just a few, really well.

But I’m lonely. I have no one, really, right now who’s in the “few, but deep” category. Eric is great. I wouldn’t have survived without him. But he’s not all there is. I know this. And so I’m waiting. For you.

I don’t know your name, but I hope God crosses our paths soon. I hope you see past my tendency to hide behind doing and see how much I need someone to BE with again. I hope you hear God nudge you towards me, or when He nudges me towards you, and you answer.

Because today, I need a friend. And I can’t wait to meet you.