A whole new perspective…

This morning I woke up aware of the strangest feeling.  It started last night and was still there this morning, and the only word I can use to describe it is…hopeful.

Eric and I ran up to the mall last night for a short while.  We have discovered that we do our best chatting while we are driving in the car.  And it was so again last night.  But what started out as a conversation about cruise control on the way to the mall, turned, on the way home, into a conversation about goals and priorities and where I/we are and where I/we need to be.

And the conclusion of the matter, after about 2 hours of discussion, is that I am not taking any grad classes this term. And I may, or may not, take more towards an MA.  When I really stopped to look at it, I did not enjoy that class, and I dreaded having to go every week.  And it seems that grad school is a bit counter to the other priorities we have set for ourselves in recent days.  So…I decided to drop my schedule for this term.

Instead, I’m going to focus more on writing, which is what I really know in my heart I can and want to do (at least I know it when fear isn’t giving me writer’s block).  So we’re going to take the cost of one of my classes, and I’ll be able to use that money for whatever resources I want or need (ie, books, supplies, a writing course, whatever).  And for the first time in months, I feel almost light-hearted. 

I keep waiting for the freaking out to start (I do a lot of that), but instead of that, I just sense that crazy hopeful feeling that I mentioned earlier.  This is a path I’ve been too afraid to try for a long time.  At 30, I’m tired of being afraid, and I don’t want to look back on the next 30 years and wish I’d tried it.  So…happy New Year to me.  Here goes nothing!

EDIT (10:13 am):  And I just bought 7 pairs of underwear online from VS for just under $40.  Love that!