Today I’m sort of down. And I have nothing else to blog about, so here’s my list of things I’m whining to myself about right now. I will get over it. But if you’re hoping for a happy blog, don’t read this one today!
- I realized yesterday that I’m desperately lonely. I am aching for connection. Real interaction. Something that I was expecting to get over the weekend (when I actually had social activities planned) and didn’t. Can’t really explain it other than that.
- This week, the reality of leaving CU finally hit me. They’re moving on without me; I know they miss me, but they don’t need me. And now everyone’s starting back to school (I know a ton of teachers), and I’m not. I’m sitting at home. All of this is as it should be. But it hurts today. I miss being important.
- I don’t know if you other twin moms ever felt this way, but all of a sudden, I feel like a freak show. Instead of having conversations with people on the rare occasions that I do get together with them (like church), we only have enough time to cover the “How are you feeling? How are the babies? How big are you getting?!?” questions. It’s starting to feel as if I show up places just so people can get their once-a-week fix of gaping at my belly. (Of course, that is unfair. They are genuinely interested, I know. And I love my friends dearly. This is just how I feel today…remember, I’m whining.)
- I miss being me. I miss being able to snuggle with my husband easily. I miss being able to do whatever I want around the house. I miss being able to do the chores on my to-do list without running out of energy or losing focus. I miss having things to talk about. I miss having opportunities to just chat and catch up with people. I miss having people to chat and catch up with.
Okay, enough of that. Sorry for starting off your Tuesday with such muck. Obviously, I can do things to help myself deal with all of this. And, don’t worry, I have been praying. And I’m choosing to go out to dinner with some girls tonight (even though dinner in a public place is not the kind of connection I’m really in need of). Mostly I just needed to get it off my chest and out of my head. Thanks for listening…
Thinking of you, Shannah! Hang in there…
Praying for you!!
I wish I was closer cause I would take you for a hang out – we would probably get doubly looked at as we both have big bumps but that would be ok cause we would be hanging out together.
Sorry you are feeling so lonely – I imagine when I finish work it might be the same – you should get Skype and then we can chat 😉 What a good idea!
Keep praying and bringing it to the Lord. Packing up some hugs to send on the plane to you – should be there very soon. Love me!
Are you better yet??? Go to http://www.cafepress.com . . . .GREAT t-shirts. You need to get several.
I’m wondering who my mom is going to have watch my kids while we go to lunch! I would love to have you join us, too!!
I definitely understand where you are. Probably even to a worse extent (if you can imagine that). While I was stuck in the hospital, that’s all anyone talked about. People tried to tell me I was being a good mom by keeping them inside, and I knew that. But I needed more. It’s very hard to get at the time of life you’re in right now. That’s what everyone wants to talk about. They are happy for you and feel like talking to you about it will make you feel better. It will pass, and I know that doesn’t make it any easier to go through now. Feel free to call anytime!
On a lighter note — if you think you’re a freak show now, just wait until after you have the babies. Then everyone will look at you! Mostly thinking the twins are so cute (everyone wishes they had twins). Every once in a while looking at you as if you are strange to be out of your house with two babies!
Whine away, Girl. You know, I can come visit….I reckon I can find you. I know after I retired I was a little blue for a while, thinking that what had defined me was suddenly gone. And….school seemed to go right on without me. The nerve!
I love you. Just wallow a while. you’re entitled.
I’ve been there, too. With Trisha, I LOOKED like I was carrying twins!! It doesn’t really matter if it’s one or two, the conversation is always about what’s inside the belly…or how BIG it’s getting. Just remember that you are being the best mom in the world right now (before those little ones arrive) just keeping them safe inside!! Soon this stage will pass and you’ll be involved in the craziness of caring for them on the outside!! .
I know this probably doesn’t help much with your feelings of lonliness right now. So, you’ll have to work on that…with Bible Study groups and such. Use any opportunity that comes along to get out and meet people. Maybe there’s group of ladies who are pregnant that you could meet with…it doesn’t matter if they’re pregnant with twins, join it!! For the near future, Michelle is coming next week. Why don’t you plan to come down on Tuesday to meet with us. I was thinking of taking her to lunch that day( without the kids). If you’d like to join us, we’d enjoy that! Just let me know.
I love you and am praying for you –
I hear what you are saying Shannah, and I have been there in many respects. It is so hard. We moved to cincinnati three years ago, when I was 6 months pregnant. J had just started working at our church. As I was meeting new people, pregnancy was our main topic of conversation because it was the most obvious. I was longing for more. I remember J would leave for work, and I felt so lonely. I found a weekly Bible study at another church, and that reallly helped. Then, eventually I got more connected at church and with other moms after ben was born- fast forward three years- J is no longer working at our church, we are looking for a new church, and I feel isloated once again. I am going to start a Bible study in a few weeks at a nearby church- It really helps me to have something structured to do on a weekly basis.
i am reading a book called Youniquely Woman by Kay Arthur, Emilie Barnes, and Donna Otto which has been a huge encouragement to me in my current role as mother and homemaker. if you need some encouragement and an excuse to sit back and relax, i would totally encourage you to check it out!
Shannah, I have so much to say, but it all comes down to this: I understand, I really do, and I’m praying for you.
Re: people only talking about the belly/babies/bigness, I think I can safely say this is a universal phenomenon, not necessarily related to twins. Once your belly is showing in a pregnancy, it seems to be the main topic of conversation for everybody. It goes away in a few months, when all anybody wants to ask about is the newborn babies.
Re: loneliness/loss of identity, I get that, too. It’s a difficult transition to make, and takes some time. The upside is that once the babies are here, you have new sorts of friendships available, and new opportunities for ministry……………..playgroups, MOPs, etc. For me, I found it helped to get involved in a regularly scheduled playgroup, because it forced me to get out of the house with the kid(s) and meet new people,which was out of my comfort zone.
OK, this is way babbling, when all I needed to say was that I’m praying for you daily. Hugs!
If only I could be independently wealthy and quit work! Then we could play all day long!
Sorry you’re feeling down today — hopefully, it gets better quickly.
good morning, shannah.
i just want to say that first, if i lived close-by; i would come spend so much time with you that you’d be sick of me. 
I think that has been the most difficult thing for me–finding social connections while everyone is at work. and finding social connection who will accept me along with my kids-because we come as a 3-piece set, ya know. I prayed for a long, long, long time for some really good friends that I could really connect with and just hang out & be comfortable with. and thankfully, i now have a couple really special, close friends. 
And you’re definitely allowed to whine. This is a big change & i’m sure you’re thinking about a lot of different things. So hang in there, and I will be praying for you.
I get this post. Completely. I think I’ve been exactly there. It’s hard. And you are allowed to whine once in a while. But you’re already doing the most important thing: praying. Keep on with that. And scheduling the interaction you need.
Along the lines of feeling important, oh how I know about that! I had 5 mo. old twins and was really struggling with my worth in the world when a woman said to me, “Being a mother is your most important ministry.” Wow. I’d never thought of it as ministry. And I’ll be honest, for the first couple of years, it’s hard to get any feedback on how that ministry is going. But it was sooooo important. It laid the groundwork for all the lessons they have learned each day since. You can do this. God has ordained you to do this. And I can’t wait to meet the little boy and the little girl you are going to be pouring your life into.
And I can’t see your belly on xanga, so I promise to only talk to you. Shannah. The person behind the belly. Hugs!
hugs, dear shannah! praying for you today!
Prayed for you just now, Shannah. I’ve never had twins, so I can’t completely relate, but a lot of what you just described is mommyhood in a nutshell. Lots of sacrifice, lots of identity change/loss, sometimes loneliness, a completely different body for life…
It is absolutely unequivocally 100% worth the trade-off. It won’t always seem like it, but I promise it’s true. I wouldn’t trade being a mommy for ANYTHING in all the world.
Love you!
Prayed for God to fill you with His encouragement and comfort. Hope you have a fab time tonight, complete with real interaction!