To borrow Marla’s word…”swirly” is how I feel today.  My brain keeps swirling between topics, so I can’t promise any sort of coherence today.  But if you want to brave the whirlpool… here goes the frothy-ness!

Swirl #1 – No sleep
I was up at least once EVERY HOUR last night between 11 pm and 7 am.  There were feedings during the hours of midnight, three, and six.  Erin was up at 11 (turns out she needed gas drops, but it took me a few minutes to guess what I should try because she hasn’t done that in weeks!), and I had a horrible tickle in my throat at 1 that actually woke me up.  The rest of the “ups” were because of my son who cannot seem to sleep all the way between feedings anymore.  I just can’t figure out exactly what his issue is: gas? reflux?  growth spurt?  Sometimes the gas drops work (gas), sometimes the milk of magnesia works (reflux), sometimes just feeding him helps (growth spurt).  But none of them work consistently, so I have to guess every time I walk into the nursery what her really needs.  And surprisingly, my critical thinking skills are pretty dull at 2 am!

Swirl #2 – Nurse lines
I finally broke down and called the nurse line at the pediatrician’s office this morning to see if she could help me figure out what to do with Alex.  I really MUST start getting him to sleep more consistently.  I mean, bless his heart, he’s SO tired when he wakes up in the night, but he just can’t fall back asleep.  And frankly, it’s really wearing on me, too (as most of you know from experience).  So I finally called them.  I think I was putting it off, hoping some miracle would happen and Alex would just magically fall asleep and stay that way on his own.  But last night (after recognizing the every hour pattern I was dealing with), I figured we needed some expert advice.  Anyway, she thinks it’s primarily a reflux issue.  She needed to check with our pediatrician about it, and then she was going to call me back.  I hope we can fix this now!

Swirl #3 – Breastfeeding
I really don’t mind breastfeeding, but I have to admit, I’m not one of those mothers who just relishes the “bonding time” like some women seem to.  Truth is, while I’ve been surprisingly laid-back about having twins and the realities that brings, my type-A, perfectionist, overachieving self has never completely disappeared.  It attached itself to the breastfeeding stuff, it seems.  Breastfeeding is the aspect of motherhood that stresses me out the most: am I eating/drinking enough?  Are they getting enough?  Should I have fed them or not?  Do they need more?  When will the boobs not be able to support both of them all the time?  Will it be this time (9 am)?  Maybe this time (noon)?  How about this time (3 pm)?  And on and on and on.  To be honest, I’m looking forward to adding real food into their diets just so I can stop being their only source of nutrition.  I’m hoping that giving them real food will make the breastfeeding less of a pass/fail sort of mindset for me so I can enjoy it more.  We’ll see in a couple of months, I guess…hope I can last until then!

Swirl #4 – Sweaters
My husband’s grandmother crocheted us a number of baby things when the babies were born.  Two buntings.  4 pairs of baby booties.  2 afghans.  2 sweater/bonnet sets.  We use the afghans all the time (they travel in the car seats for extra warmth). We took pictures of the babies in the buntings, but we never used them because they didn’t have legs, so they didn’t work with car seats.  I’ve never used the booties at all.   But the sweater/bonnet sets have become a thorn in my flesh.  They were brought to the hospital the day after the twins were born, and they actually put the sweaters/bonnets on the babies to take pictures of them.  It was, um, interesting.  However, we’ve not used them since that day.  Now, my MIL, who is not usually like this, has been putting pressure on us to use these sets.  I have no idea if the pressure is all hers or if she’s getting it from Grandma first.  But either way, these sweaters keep coming up.  “It’d be really nice if you use those.”  “Grandma would really like it – she worked very hard on them.”  etc. etc. etc.

So what’s the problem? They are beautiful little sweaters and incredibly well-made.  She did a fantastic job on them.  Well, first of all, I’ve never been a fan of bonnets, hand-made or otherwise.  But the bigger issue is that they are incredibly girly.  I did put one on Erin last night just to see how it looked, and it was cute (especially with jeans and a white onesie).  But for Alex?  He’s a little boy, and he’ll look like a girl in that sweater (and especially the bonnet).  So I find myself balking completely, mostly because I resent the pressure to use them.  I know it’s selfish and not-at-all Christ-like to be so stubborn.  I mean, it won’t hurt the babies to wear them.  But every time it gets mentioned, I just grit my teeth.  I don’t want to hurt Grandma’s feelings, but seriously, they are my babies, and I should be able to make clothing choices for them without pressure.  Or maybe I shouldn’t.  They’re just sweaters, so what does it really matter if Alex looks like a girl for one day.  I can see the other side.  It’s just annoying, especially because it just keeps coming back up.  Anyway, that’s my vent session. 

Okay, I’m going to go exercise while the babies sleep.  Happy Thursday to you all!