At my wits end

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Just to warn you ahead of time, this won’t be a happy post.  I’ve been up since 5:30 this morning (and I was up at 10:00, 12:30, and 3:15 before that), and I’m so frustrated I’ve spent most of that time in tears.  So this post is going to be me venting.

I am so tired.  I don’t think these babies will ever sleep longer than 3 hours.  And I can’t seem to get even 3 hours at night most of the time.  Alex is back up 1.5-2 hours after most feedings.  Sometimes gas drops will settle him back down.  Sometimes not.  I give them to him at each feeding, too.  And sometimes he’ll burp after he eats and sometimes he doesn’t.  Not that it matters, really.  Sometimes I get the shortest amount of time after he gives me huge burps.  Multiple times this week, I’ve been up for 30 minutes or more, trying to get him to burp or fart or something. And inevitably, I just have to give up and nurse him to have a hope of getting any gas out of him.

So last night, he started crying at 5:30, and I let him go for a few minutes just to see if he’d settle.  He didn’t.  So I went and got him and started trying to burp him.  He settled down while I was holding him (but didn’t burp) and kept yawning.  I finally decided to nurse him at 5:45, and I got a tiny burp and a tiny fart out of him.  And then he was smiling at me in the semi-darkness.  So I laid him down and he cooed to himself in his crib for a while before he finally dozed back off.  But I’m already hearing him in his crib now (7:15), so he’ll probably start it again soon.

I’m so frustrated.  I’m so tired.  My body is so tired it just hurts.  I’m so desperate for them to sleep longer at night.  I don’t understand why they won’t.  And I just keep crying because I’m tired of feeding babies, tired of being up all night, tired of having no idea what’s wrong or what else to try.  I don’t want to spend today getting ready to go to the farm for the weekend.  And I don’t want to go pretend to be happy with my in-laws and the church people all weekend long.  I just want it to get better.  Now.  Because I don’t know how much longer this can go on.  And I don’t know who to ask.  And my prayers don’t seem to be accomplishing much.  Please pray for me. 

14 thoughts on “At my wits end”

  1. You poor poor chicken.  I can’t imagine how awful it must be for you – no sleep = torture!

    Will pray for you and your family that God gives you all you need to get through this hard time!

    Sending hugs from Australia!

  3. My heart is breaking for you…exhaustion and “demanding” babies can be so hard to cope with.  It is OK that you aren’t all happy…it is a phase of life, a part of the journey.  I agree that finding some girls to help might be a good idea…their patience levels won’t be as tapped as yours.

    Praying, praying, praying!!!

  5. I can’t imagine having two, but I remember feeling so exhausted (with one) from lack of sleep, I could barely move at times and i cried. alot. It was one of the hardest times of my life. I like the idea of hiring someone (one or two homeschool girls/sisters, maybe?) Even if they came over one or two afternoons per week for the next few weeks, so you could have some time to nap or just be alone in another room. It seems like you really need some help; you are dealing with more than most of us even know. My son ben woke up 2- 4 times per night until 6 ot 7 months, then 1-3 times per night until he was 10-12 months old, then he started sleeping 12 hrs and still does. It will be get better. I promise! … but until it does, see if you can hire some girls to help! (just a suggestion).

  7. Ugh, I remember.  I remember being SO TIRED I could cry when James was doing just what your babies are doing, at this same age.  Although there was only one of him to settle, so I can’t completely identify.  Have you tried a pacefier at night when they wake to see if that will settle them down quickly?  I started trying that first at about 4 months and 9/10 times he just wanted something to suck on and would go right back to sleep.  If he continued to fuss despite the paci option then I knew he was really hungry.  Just a thought…might get you back to bed a bit faster? 

    I agree with Missy (smart girl, that one), use this weekend as a time where others who love the babies can hold and care for them while you rest.  I’m sure they’ll understand!

  8. Praying for you, Shannah! Your situation is humanly impossible, but I know you can do this through Christ who gives you strength!

    Love you!!

  11. You live near Cedarville, right?  Any chance you could catch a break from having some college girls (who aren’t able to head home over Easter) come and help hold some babies?  One of my best friends is an RD there…if you think it would at all work, I can ask her if any of her girls come highly recommended and are able to give you a break.   

    I’m so sorry you’re having to go through all this.  I’ve felt the same way many times, even recently, and it is oh, so hard.  I’ve begged God to just let me get some sleep at times, and it just doesn’t always work that way.  (I think our babies secretly pray and ask God that Mommy would come get them).   

    Get yourself all ready to head to the farm and don’t think about all the people you’ll have to interact with – think of all the people who will want to hold fussy babies, and who will hold them while you go get some sleep!!!!!  Praying you get some rest this weekend and a chance to sit back while others love on your little ones. 

  12. I agree with faithchick…my little guy has been a hard one to get to sleep.  My daughter (After we got the reflux under control) slept perfectly But my little Hudson even with the reflux under control still would get up during the night.  I will say that he started sleeping better once I stopped nursing and put him on formula (which I did at about 7 months)  Anyway, he’s 9.5 months now and just starting to sleep through the night completely.

    I will be praying for you.  I know what it’s like to be exhausted.  Try to get a nap…if you have someone that can come over while you nap that would be great.  You’ll feel so refreshed.  I always hated asking for help BUT sometimes you have to so you can be a better mommy 🙂

    Praying!!

  13. OOOOOOOOh, i wish I could hug you. And then take a baby (or two!) into another room & let you get some rest.   I’m too far away though…so i will pray fervently today that they sleep & sleep well today and tonight.   ANd that you can regroup & refresh.  I know those feelings very well—esp. the so sore from being tired body (do you have any of your pain killers left?  or a refill available on them?  i’ve still been taking my 800 motrin at least once a day to help my aching body.  it has helped a lot to keep me from feeling completely dragged down.) 

    These are the hard times, and in my experience, it seems boys just like to be stinkers (literally & figureatively!) more than girls.  E2 was so difficult, but I promise one day Alex will sleep.  It seems like a big fat lie to you now I’m sure, but he’ll get there. (i’m sure you hate hearing this, cause it’s not helpful now.) 

    I will be praying for you!!! A LOT!!!

  14. Oh Shannah, I’m so sorry to hear of your fatigue and frustration. It sounds awful! Praying for you right now, that somehow you can nap today, and that the babies will too. Is anyone around that could watch them while you nap?  Hugs to you!

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