Defining Terms

Just before the end of school, I declared that this would be a Summer of Boredom. The criteria for what-this-means was not complex. Basically, I had two “rules.”

1. Monday, Wednesday, and Friday are no-screen days.
2. I am not your activity director.

We absolutely had to address the screen addiction we have going on in our house. The constant asking to play or watch. The willingness to sit and do nothing rather than find something non-screen to do. The reality that most of the conversations had by certain of my children are entirely focused on video game characters or videos they watched. Not cool.

Also, I am far too willing to think of things for my kids to do. They come and stand under my elbows, waiting for me to decide to go somewhere, come up with a craft or activity for them to do, or tell them what they could do next. Nope. Not anymore. I am not your activity director. Go find something to do. Preferably outside, but that’s negotiable.

Getting Started

School finished on a Tuesday, and we signed out at 11:00 am. For the rest of that day, I let the crazies do pretty much what they wanted. Screens were fine. Relaxing was the rule of the day. You want another snack…go for it!

Our first full day of summer break was a Wednesday. So, no screens. And there was some whining, but much less than I expected, to be honest. They played, they read books, we ate lunch and snacks. They bickered. Good times.

Near the end of that first week, I sat down and wrote out three papers: a daily “schedule,” an “I’m Bored” list, and an “Extra Chore” list (chores they can earn money for doing, on top of their daily, expected chores).

Evaluation #1

So we’re about two-and-a-half weeks into summer, and honestly, it’s working well. I thought I’d get a lot of pushback on no-screen days, but I haven’t. They get up and start playing or reading. They do things on their own. And when it is a screen day, they have done well putting the screens away after the timer rings, for the most part. Knowing they can have another turn later keeps the whininess at bay. Also, having the schedule in place means I can say, “It’s 9:30, so let’s do our daily chores before we get too far into the day.” And the dogs get fed, the toys get tidied…it’s nice.

It took about a week to figure out how to live together 24/7 again. Timmy’s used to having the house, and me, all to himself. So it was a hard shift to welcome three big kids back into his “kingdom.” The big three weren’t used to playing with each other all the time, so that took some practice, too. But for the most part, we’ve settled into being “us” again.

Also, it helps that the big three can read, are willing to read things for Timmy, and are learning to do things for themselves (like printing coloring pages from the computer or getting out their own bikes or scooters). I like having big kids, I must admit.

And lastly, I’ve been pretty impressed with what they’ve done without screens constantly in their grasp. Alex wrote a book, pitting the battle bosses from his Mario games against each other in a multi-round tournament. He drew them all, listed their strengths and weaknesses, and declared the winners. Then the winners faced off from there. (Baron Brrr won the whole rumble, in case you were wondering.)

In addition, the girls have made some books of their own. Megan’s was a memory book of sorts, and Erin did a book about our family, interviewing each of us on the same eight categories of things we like, so we could see out we all compared to each other.

In addition, we’ve climbed trees and enjoyed the disc swing, done a lot of bike riding, coloring and reading, and run errands. We’ve done our chores (mostly). We just finished our ball season this week, so we’ve had softball or baseball games most nights. I actually made my first-ever trip to Aldi’s with all four kids in tow (and survived!). And the big three got their own library cards this summer, to great excitement.

At this point..I’d say boredom is a very good thing.

Eric’s grandpa passed away on Friday. He’d been in congestive heart failure for a year, so it was not unexpected. But we didn’t expect it last Friday. That was hard.

Calling hours were Monday. I really hate calling hours. They feel so … heavy. You are there, all sad, and other people come with their sad, and we all stand around sad. And yet, every single person asked, or was asked, “How are you doing?” To which they replied, “Good, really.” Or “You know, doing pretty well.” Except we’re standing in a funeral home, and it’s just that we haven’t seen each other for a long time that makes us say that. Because, just then, nobody’s particularly good or well or whatever. Not really.

Also, I find calling hours hard, because I don’t feel sad much during the calling hours. They are something to DO, so I do them. But because I’m doing them, I put off feeling much. So it’s weird.

The funeral, on the other hand, is good and hard and good. It’s not for doing. It’s for remembering and honoring. I like that part. But it’s hard. Because final goodbyes are just plain hard. The last time you’ll see that face. The deep sadness of people you care about. It all comes spilling out, and it’s hard. So very hard.

But it’s also good. Because as was said in Steel Magnolias, “Laughter through tears is one of my favorite emotions.” And we did laugh. Because Grandpa Powell loved to laugh. And his humor lives on in his family.

And then there was Timmy, whose age-four-ness is also good and hard and good. So when the pastor announced during the funeral that the mic was now open for people to come share memories about Grandpa Powell, this happened:

Tim: Mom, when I go up there, I’m going to take off all my clothes except my underwear. Then everyone will laugh.

Me: Tim, you are not going up there.

Instead, Uncle Chuck spoke, then my MIL, then Eric’s cousin Morgan. And as Morgan was going up to share, Tim continued.

Tim: (looking very annoyed) Hey, I had my hand up before him.

I shared his comments after the goodbyes had been said and the funeral directors were preparing the casket for transport. He may have not actually taken off his clothes, but he definitely brought laughter to those who were so sad just then. And that was good.

So good and hard and good. I guess much of life is like that. The kids played ball last night. Alex’s team won. Erin & Megan’s team played well but lost. Good and hard and good.

Both of my in-laws and my dad are retiring this summer. Good and hard and good.

I’m trying to pursue a more purposeful life. Good and hard and good.

And every day, I find God’s goodness in the land of the living. Because even though life is hard, God is good. It doesn’t always feel good. Like in funeral homes and ball game losses. But it is good. Because we connect. Because we laugh. Because He is with us.

And because, today, we are alive. And that is good and hard and good.

A short list of things I’ve learned this spring…in random order.

1. Strawberries “breed like rabbits.”

We put in 50 free strawberry plants in May of 2015. This year, we harvested around 20 gallons of strawberries. For most of two weeks, I picked almost every single day. It was insane. And yummy. And I can’t wait for next year. 🙂

2. I don’t have to try so hard

I spent much of the last 3-4 months learning this powerful, deeply revealing, and much-needed lesson. My entire life, in things spiritual and mundane, has been entirely based on “trying.” And I had a massively uncomfortable spiritual crisis. But it has been very good, too. Instead of doing, I can actually rest. Instead of living self-ordained penance, I am already accepted. Instead of thinking it all depends on me, I can actually accept grace. It’s been huge and hard and holy. I’m still learning (slowly), but it’s already made a marked difference in nearly every part of my life.

3. More energy is not always helpful.

I am a high-energy person (no kidding, right?). But sometimes, okay, most times, pouring more energy into a situation actually works against the outcome I’m looking for. Stopping Megan’s meltdowns. Engaging Eric. Getting the to-do list done. Using a less-frenetic, more-focused energy has been much more effective than my spastic, frustrated, random energy. It’s not easy for me to do this. I have to be strategic and intentional. It requires deep breaths, many prayers, and patience. But it can be done. And when I do it, we’re all happier for it.

4. I learned how to coach softball.

I have never played a game of softball in my life. Just last year, I learned to keep book for my daughter’s softball team. This year, both girls are playing together, and (long story short) the woman who was going to be the assistant coach ended up not coaching. And that left me. We finished the regular season games this week, and it hit me. I actually became a coach along the way. I can describe what they need to do. I’m learning the rules. I’m able to rally the girls who are definitely sweet and fun to hang out with 2-3 times a week. I don’t know enough to be totally in charge, but I somehow turned into a coach, nonetheless. How fun!

5. PSA: Rawleigh’s medicated ointment is absolutely the best remedy for a bad sunburn ever.

It’s an old, little-known ointment my family has used for years. It’s amazing. I got horribly burned at my kids’ field day at the end of school (they did not, thankfully). I went home and rubbed a thin layer of this on my skin right after school and again before bed. I had almost no pain and none of that pulled-tight feeling I get when my skin burns. Yay!!

And now, on to a summer full of more growth, more learning, more fun…