Ten years ago tonight, I went on a date. 

It was the first date I’d been on in…I don’t know, ages…and it was a double-date to celebrate my date’s birthday. We went out to dinner (The Old Mohawk in German Village) and wandered around Barnes & Noble for awhile. It was a nice, low-key evening. I liked my date; we were friends. But after we lost both guys at the bookstore, I told my friend Lisa that, even though we’d had a good night, I wasn’t really interested in him “like that.” 

Of course, I married him 17 months later.

And I’m so glad I did.

It’s kind of funny how 10 years doesn’t feel like such a long time ago. I was so busy that fall, preparing for the monstrosity of a Christmas program our church was putting on. But Eric showed up to help build set, and I realized he could work with his hands, build things. He was smart, witty, very funny. He played in the orchestra at church, too, so he was at all the Christmas rehearsals with me. But between end-of-term grading and the program preparations, I was just too busy and distracted to be interested. 

We finished the program, and I crashed. I headed to my parents’ house for Christmas about as soon as I could (I also got sick from being so worn down). But on the Sunday after Christmas, Karen and I were back in Columbus, so we invited Eric and another guy (both of whom had been alone in their houses for the weekend) over to hang out, eat food, and watch a movie. That night, Eric mentioned wanting to see the second Lord of the Rings movie that had recently come out. I’d seen it already with Karen, but I decided to open a door for him (Karen and my mom had been encouraging me all month to flirt with him a little more). I said I’d like to see it again myself, and left it at that. A couple of nights later, he called and asked me out.

And we’ve been married for 8 1/2 years.  

I think the thing that surprised me most about Eric was that I wasn’t really looking for him when he showed up. I mean, I wasn’t looking for HIM. I had sort of an idea what kind of guy I wanted, but it wasn’t Eric. At least I didn’t think so at first. But God knew better, and it didn’t take very long to realize that I’d never met anyone more perfect for me than Eric Hogue. He was all the things I thought I wanted in a guy, plus a bunch of stuff I didn’t know I needed. His inherent self-confidence was refreshing to my inherent insecurity. He just knows he can do what he sets his mind to, while I doubt myself the whole way. He is even-keeled and patient even when I’m at my craziest. Karen said she knew I’d marry him because he brought out the girl in me. I guess she was right. I didn’t have to prove anything with Eric; I told him the worst of my junk and it didn’t even faze him. I could relax. I could breathe. 

I still can.

There is no one in the world I’d rather hang out with than my husband. He is a fantastic man and father. He is a hard-worker. He sometimes drives me crazy with his confidence and calm, but his counsel is always wise (if I’m willing to listen anyway). He bakes. He cleans better than I do. He still makes me laugh almost every day. He loves his kids. He loves God. And he’s a fantastic kisser!

For one whole decade of my life, I have belonged with Eric. I am so grateful that God gave me such a precious gift. And I’m looking forward to many decades more!

– Instead of “I think,” Alex has started just saying “pink.” So he starts every third sentence with “Pink I want to watch…um…Mickey.” “Pink I want yogurt.” “Pink I need more snack.” It’s pretty cute.

– Erin’s new phrase is “I am want” as in “I am want to watch Phineas and Ferb.” 

– Yesterday, Alex woke up from nap at 2:20 and wanted me to let him up. I told him he needed to rest a little more.

     Alex: “Well, puppy wouldn’t let me sleep. He wake me up.”

     Me: “I see, well, puppy, you need to let Alex sleep more.”

     Alex: “He doesn’t understand you.”

– 

– (not a kid one) Yesterday, Eric and I had this conversation about an actor from a show we’re watching on Netflix.

     Eric: “So that guy that plays the commander? I looked him up. And the reason he looks so familiar is because he played basically the same character on…oh that other movie…the big blue cat movie.”

     Me: “Big blue cat movie?”

     Eric: “Yeah…(pause)…oh Avatar!” 

– Megan wants to get things from my desk, which she is obviously not allowed to do. But if she thinks I’m not paying attention, she’ll try it anyway, usually to get my iPod when it’s plugged in. So when I catch her or call for her while she’s doing it, she’s started calling back, “I”m just checking something.”

– The twins, especially Erin, have gotten into a bad habit of starting every…well, everything, with a list of what they don’t like, don’t want, aren’t happy about. I don’t like this plate. I don’t want this shirt. Not this fork. Not this TV show. I don’t like noodles (or whatever else I’ve served for the meal). So especially at dinner (where it happens almost every night), I’ve started making them say one thing they do like for everything they “don’t.” Erin lists off her dislikes so quickly that, between the time I call them and we sit down to pray, Erin usually owes me 2-3 “likes.” 

– I’m also instituting a “one thing I’m thankful for” policy for the month of November. At dinner, I want us to think of things we’re thankful for. Last night’s list included Mommy, Daddy and puppy. You know, the important stuff. 

– Alex has been very affectionate recently. Not that he’s usually stand-offish, but he’ll suddenly give you a kiss for no reason or stop to snuggle. Love that. 

– Eric bought us a Dyson vacuum last week. It came on Monday. He’s vacuumed at least twice this week (maybe three times). A new toy for him and chores getting done for me = win/win! Now if I could just figure out how to get him to clean the bathrooms… 

– Megan’s got another cold. This may be a bad winter for that. This is her third cold/cough since the weather turned cold. I may actually get her a flu shot at her 2 year checkup after Thanksgiving. I rarely get one for them since we mostly hang out with each other, but this year, with a new baby coming, I may just go a different route.

– Speaking of flu shots…I got one a couple of weeks ago. I hate getting them because, for two days afterwards, they feel like someone much bigger than me punched me in the arm. But a nurse friend recommended (even got for me) holding an ice pack on the site the day you get the shot. It worked wonders. Seriously…if you have that punched-in-the-arm feeling after a shot – do the ice thing. Just 20 minutes, the evening I got the shot (sooner would’ve been better, probably) made a world of difference.

– Megan’s potty training has been hit or miss recently. Mostly miss. She’s not quite as bad as Alex, but she hit a major regression for about a week. I was seriously considering throwing in the towel on it, but this week we’re doing better again. I really hate PT (not than anyone loves it, I’m sure), but I’m determined not to learn from the mistakes I made with Alex (my issues, not his!). And on that topic, Alex turned a major corner about a month or so ago. All of a sudden, he got it. He’s not perfect, but it’s a hundred times better than it was. So yay for him!

– We did not take the kids out on Wednesday night for Trick-or-Treat. It was just too cold, too windy, too yuck. Their costumes were not warm this year, I didn’t want to, and Eric wasn’t inclined either. So we opened the door, put the candy on the front step so I could see and greet people as they came, but we stayed inside, ate treats, watched a movie, and hung out. (And lest you worry, we did trick-or-treat at our church event on Monday, so they did get to dress up and get candy…just not on Beggar’s night.) 

– I am 31 weeks pregnant this week. Definitely on the downhill slide, definitely thankful not to have to be so concerned about what I eat, definitely feeling heavy and big. All of a sudden, the belly is really getting in the way. So I won’t be sorry to see 9 more weeks skip by…though I need it not to go too fast – we still don’t have a name picked out. Gotta work on that, huh?

– I really like the Cozi family organizer app. The calendar is fantastic, and it emails you on Sunday an overview of the week’s schedule. You should try it.

– I cannot wait for this election to be over. I have stuff to say, I’m totally happy to vote, but I’m ready to have it behind us. 

– That being said, I really enjoy taking my kids with me to vote. I love having them watch me participate civically that way. Sure, they’re mostly about the stickers they get, and I’m hesitating slightly because the lines will probably be longer than usual this year. But I think it’s really important for them to watch us do these kinds of things. 

– Megan just joined me in the loft because Alex told her to come upstairs. She barely obeys me that well. Wonder what his secret is…

Happy Friday!

I am convinced that developing an attitude of humble certainty about the issues we debate is really important, particularly for Christians.

The general consensus is that those who claim to be followers of Jesus are, at the same time, the most divisive, unkind, judgmental and close-minded of arguers. And I can’t honestly say that view is wrong.

At least…not as far as I am concerned. All the “we” and “you” in the previous two posts should have been “me” and “I” (feel free to read it that way). And that’s why these three Soapbox #2 blogs were very hard for me to write. I think the idea is valid and often overlooked.

But I’m really bad at doing it myself.

In the last few months especially, I have come face-to-face with my judgmental attitude, my unkind heart, my overall lack of anything that could even remotely be called grace or humility. Frankly, it’s not a pretty picture. Almost every time I open my mouth, I’m hit again with the reality of my own ineptitude in this area. And I open my mouth a lot. I like to hear myself talk. I do not like to be wrong. Or even think I’m wrong. Because, of course, I’m always right. Just ask my husband.

But I am (very slowly) getting the heart of this Soapbox. I know it’s a good idea, but it’s only been recently that I’ve really had the desire to see it be consistently true in my own life. Partly because I have been surprised to discover, over time, that people usually are willing to listen to ideas that they may not agree with…depending on the attitude with which those ideas are presented. But more importantly, because it is the attitude that Jesus portrayed over and over in his years of ministry.

To most people that Jesus interacted with, his attitude was grace incarnate. He dignified people when he interacted with them, looked them in the eye, touched the most untouchable. And even when he did confront, debate, or take someone to task over some idea or question posed to him, he never threw them under the bus. He responded to their worst accusations with truth and better thinking. Of course, He is God. And He is love. But still, the manner that Jesus used when he interacted with people ought to characterize the manner that his followers present, even two thousand years later.

And so often it doesn’t. So often, those claiming to be Christians are the worst offenders for demeaning their opponents, for arrogant certainty, for refusing the acknowledge any possibility that their view might be even slightly flawed. Or maybe it’s just me. Maybe it’s more accurate to say simply that I am nothing like Jesus when I decide to challenge an idea, debate an issue or even teach a lesson.

And I so desperately what to represent my Jesus well in this area.

So I’m learning. And making lots of mistakes. And for the first time in my life, starting to care about what taste I leave in people’s mouths when I’m done talking. It’s not easy, this attitude of humble certainty. But I know how ineffective my responses have been up to this point, and I am convinced that letting Jesus break through my heart so he can use my mouth more effectively for his kingdom will be worth the effort.