We are still…busy

The weekend was long and totally full, but we had a blast. Eric took an extra day off and we headed to the farm for Friday and Saturday. He got to play farmer, the kids played with Grandma and in the pool, and I sat around and did nothing (mostly due to the 90 degree weather and no air conditioning!). We came home on Saturday night, got up for church on Sunday, then Eric manned the crew while I headed to a friend’s house to help with VBS prep. We worked all day, Eric and the kids joined us and we shared a lovely dinner, and we got a ton of stuff done. Memorial Day was also incredibly busy. I got chores done (laundry, clean up the kitchen, clean bathrooms, run to the grocery, make strawberry jam), plus I worked on VBS stuff with my friend for a couple of hours and had my parents come for dinner that evening. 

Of course, we are back to normal life today which has involved going nowhere, trying to finish some chores from yesterday (ironing, putting away clean clothes, kitchen clean-up), and spending a good bit of time reading and hanging with the little ones. Eric put one of our tents up while I was gone on Monday morning (in the living room), which the kids just think is fabulous, so I filled it with our couch cushions today and they’ve been enjoying in indoor “playhouse” quite a bit. I’m pretty tired after the weekend, but we’ll hit our groove again soon…

We are still…married

Eight years ago today, Eric and I got married. We are probably going out for a family dinner tonight to celebrate, although neither one of us managed to get a card or gift for the other this time. Oops. Of course, 8th anniversary gifts are either bronze (traditional) or linens and lace (modern), so I’m not sure what play on that we would have come up with this year. And I am totally fine if Eric doesn’t buy me sheets for our anniversary!

Of course, there’s all the mushy stuff I could say about how much I love him (which I do), and how glad I am that we got married (which I am), or how he’s just amazing in every way (okay, most ways ). But mostly, I’m just really thankful for the man God dropped into my life. I wasn’t looking for him at the time. I remember telling Karen that “this” wasn’t what expected love to be like. But absolutely and for sure, I love my husband. He makes my days better. He still makes me laugh. He loves God and wants to honor Him with his life, and as a dad, no one can top him. I am so very glad to be celebrating 8 years with Eric today. 

We are still…surviving

Megan is still kicking my butt pretty much every day. She speaks in full sentences. She asks to go on the potty every couple of days (and does). She desperately wants to be taller so she can pedal like the twins. She loves the sandbox. She eats sidewalk chalk. She makes me laugh fifty times a day and frustrates me almost as often. She’s massively dramatic, launching herself to the ground when she throws a fit. Her temper and stubbornness is coming out in spades, but sixteen second after fit, she’s laughing again. She’s got the cutest little waddle, she loves shoes (especially Erin’s), and she’s got the cutest way of saying things – “Whyyyyyy?” or “‘Mon, Mommy” or “My turn!” Without a doubt she’s got a stronger personality than either twin, and I’m sure she’s gonna be a our strong-willed child for many years to come. But she’s definitely a fabulous little thing to have around. 

And speaking of difficult stages…3 is also turning into quite a challenge. Alex is slowly making progress on potty training (I suspect he and Megan will finish about the same time). Alex and Erin are coming into a new stage of imaginative play, wanting to sing songs from every “stage” (the front porch, my treadmill, the couch) while holding a “microphone” (hand weights, sticks, etc). Of course, I don’t know where they got that impulse… They also love to hear and tell stories. Alex announces to us that he is going to tell us a story – “Ont upon a time, Megan had a birtday.” There are two or three more sentences and he ends with, “And that is the end of my story about Megan’s birtday.” I guess I’ll have to work with him on “the end.” But as fun as all this stuff is, this new stage of play requires more of me, too. Preparing crafts, thinking of stories, stopping to play games…it’s a lot on top of normal life. 

And despite all the fun new developments (pedaling, climbing, eating on chairs without boosters), they are also testing every boundary they know. There are battles over obedience and speaking respectfully and helping Mommy. There is whining over turning off the TV to play more. There are meltdowns (some of them mine) and infinite conflicts over toys and whose-turn-it-is and who stole whose chair. There is a lot of whining. There are constant demands. There is drama and tattling and all sorts of wear-me-down battles over tiny little nothings. And I get that this is a season that someday I’ll forget was this difficult, but it’s still hard. Some days, it’s a few minutes and a lot of prayer before I can drag myself out of bed to face a day alone with all three. But I also know that it’s worth it. I know that the ground I’m claiming with them right now is about laying a foundation that will last the rest of their lives. I know the lessons they learn now are the lessons they don’t have to learn later (and in more painful circumstances). And I know that God gives all the grace necessary to navigate the crises, one day (or one minute) at a time. So we just keep on…

And mostly, we are still…here. And I’m grateful for that fact. I’m hoping to get back to more faithful blogging again; I’m hoping to figure out a workable summer schedule for us. I’m hoping to connect with some people again and survive VBS and keep my house clean (not gonna hold my breath for that one!). But for now…we are still here. And that is good. 

Happy Tuesday!

Okay, so you’ve heard the theoretical side of things and the practical side of my first soapbox. But it occurred to me that I need to get personal for a minute, too. 

Because I think you need to know what my personal goal for this blog series is NOT. 

My intention is NOT to get you to think like me or see things my way or use my personal criteria for judging what’s okay for me and mine as your personal criteria for what’s okay for you and yours.

So.not.the.goal. 

What I do want…is a little bigger than that. Honestly, I don’t care what conclusions you come to about media or arguments or politics or whatever. I DO care, very much, about HOW you come to those conclusions and whether you can articulate WHY you will or won’t watch something, participate in something, vote for someone, or whatever. 

Because, as much as I wish there were actually perfect and easy criteria for judging whatever area of life we might discuss…those criteria are actually hard to come by. 

For example, I heard recently the recommendation that, in regard to media consumption, we need to think, “Does this honor Jesus?” And that is certainly one good and important question to ask. But, on the other hand, it’s also very simplistic. Because which one honors Jesus more: the mediocre “Christian” film with a blatant message where someone gets “saved” during the plot…or a totally secular film that depicts, unknowingly, a beautiful and moving picture of God-style redemptive love? Which honors Jesus more? See…the question just got a little more complicated.

And the answer is…I’d love to have that discussion with you. I know my answer. Obviously, I’ve considered that question before. And yet…you may see things totally differently. And we can still both love Jesus. 

Because I have my own personal biases and issues that affect my media choices – I can’t watch horror movies or CSI-style crime dramas. The visual effects of those types of media feed my heart issues of fear and worry and I will lay awake at night running those images over and over in my mind, scaring myself silly over totally fake gunshot wounds and obviously theatrical masked villains. For whatever reason, those hit a nerve with me. On the other hand, I was surprised a couple of years ago to discover how much I like the Black Eyed Peas. Not all their songs, not all the lyrics to all their songs. But hey…I like their music. Does that mean you’re a bad person if you watch CSI because I don’t? Or a better person because you think the Black Eyed Peas are a waste of musical space? 

Of course, no. 

And that’s my point. This blog series is NOT about getting you to agree with me or validate my media choice. It’s about helping raise awareness and equip people, especially Christians, to interact with their world more adequately and effectively. It doesn’t matter whether we listen to the same music, watch the same movies or vote for the same candidates or issues. It does matter whether or not we have considered why we will or won’t do any of those things. And whether or not we can explain our conclusions to those with whom we interact.

And that is my goal…to encourage and equip you to turn your brains on…not turn you into another version of me.

Okay…now there they are – the theoretical, the practical, and the personal sides of Soapbox #1. I will roll out #2 in the near future, but for now, I encourage you to look this weekend for places and spaces to practice asking questions and intentionally thinking about the messages all around you.

And I’d love to hear from anyone willing to share their attempts, too! Let’s get started!

Okay…so my previous post was a theoretical rant. I am convinced it’s important. I’m convinced it’s missing from a lot of people’s lives. Seriously…a whole lot of people out there think they are immune. Yes, they know they need to be careful about what ideas they let into their minds. Yes, they know that most messages are not healthy or biblical. But they really don’t see the big deal. They really don’t think that those messages are getting in or making any difference in how they think or how they live. If you ask them directly whether they are affected by what they see and hear…they will tell you that they’re good. 

And I disagree.

No one is immune. We must learn how to turn our brains on in the most practical arenas of life. We have to protect ourselves. But really…how? How do we do this in the midst of our real lives where poopy bottoms have to wiped, homework has to be done, and busy family schedules mean we barely have time to tie our shoes, much less think about what we see and hear.

So, let me give you a couple of real-life examples and then some practical steps that you can do even while you do the thousand other things on your to-do list…here we go.

1. Song Lyrics

This is a huge area where we often get sucked into messages without meaning to. We fall in love with a beat, a sound, a catchy tune, and we casually ignore the lyrics as if the words aren’t burying themselves in our memories permanently (which they are…how many jingles from 10 years ago can you still sing?). Take Kenny Chesney’s song Everybody Wants to Go to Heaven where he’s throwing “extra” money in the offering plate to buy off God and go back to living the same old way. It’s upbeat, it’s fun, and it’s not a message we need to be absorbing. How many of the top ten dance hits of the last year are great to party to…and really horrible glorifications of sex and “fun”? Or what about Justin Beiber (and similar singers) whose lyrics are helping create our understanding (and our kids’ ideas) of what love really is? And don’t think for a second that Christian artists are “safe.” Have you listened to Mandisa’s song Stronger? Here are some of the lyrics: 

When the waves are taking you under
Hold on just a little bit longer
He knows that this is gonna make you stronger, stronger
The pain ain’t gonna last forever
And things can only get better
Believe me This is gonna make you stronger
Gonna make you stronger, stronger, stronger

Really? God uses difficult times in our lives to make us…stronger? At the end of an illness, a season of grief, a spiritual battle…God wants us to be stronger? That’s what the Bible teaches God is trying to do through our pain? Sure, she sings…

‘Cause if He started this work in your life
He will be faithful to complete it
If only you believe it
He knows how much it hurts
And I’m sure that He’s gonna help you get through this

Yes, God promises to complete in our lives the work He’s started. It’s a guarantee. But “if only we believe it”? Really? So if I don’t believe it, He won’t follow through? Is that really how God’s promises work?

This is what I’m talking about. I think Mandisa’s song is upbeat, fun to sing along with, and frankly, can be a great song of defiance – sort of an “I’m not going down without a fight” anthem. But even still…we can’t blow off the questionable things in the lyrics of the songs we hear every day. Because they do burrow down deep, and they do impact how we think. 

2. Advertising

Billboards, commercials, the pages and pages of ads in your most recent Parents, Cosmo, Sports Illustrated, or whatever. You do know that every single one of those pictures is a lie, right? Every last one. They are faked, photoshopped, falsified. They highlight the “good” stuff and hide the “bad” parts. That bowl of ice cream is probably a big old scoop of shortening. That Big Mac is sculpted out of stuff that will never see the inside of a McDonalds. And the models? Not one of them is the real deal. Not one. And we buy into the lie that this is what a product or a person looks like, the lie that this is what a product or person should look like. And whether we want to or not, when we aren’t thinking actively, we buy into it. We think that’s how the dress should look on me. And when it doesn’t…we feel bad about ourselves. Don’t believe me? Check out this post…scroll down to item #8 and compare the advertised picture of the dress with one of the real woman wearing it. She looks GREAT in it (and frankly, I want one). But the real life version is not even close to the image they “sold” in the ad for that dress. So which one is the truth…and which one is the lie? If we aren’t looking at the pictures sent our way with our brains turned on we will absorb lies about ourselves, other people, God, and the world around us without even realizing it. 

Of course, there are lots of areas of media and messages that we can talk about, but you probably get my point. So what can we do? Here are a few simple things…

1. Once a Day – especially if you have never really considered this idea, you can’t just dive in and try to think about everything in your life at once. It will overwhelm you. Pick one thing each day and intentionally stop and ask yourself questions about it. What is that song really saying? Do I agree? That article you read on Facebook…where did they get their information? What is that advertisement really selling? That news commentator who talked non-stop for 8 straight minutes, but what was his main point? Just once a day, every day, will build up the habit of turning your brain on faster than you would expect.

2. Work in Teams – I’ve never been a huge fan of group work, but for a lot of people, doing something with someone else makes all the difference. If you and a friend see movies together regularly or read books together or love the same type of music, commit to asking each other what’s going on, what messages you’re seeing, whether or not what you’re seeing and hearing is sound. Iron really does sharpen iron, and this is a good place to see the benefits of working together.

3. Add it to an established routine – Do you do family devotions? Bedtime prayers? Dinner conversations (everyone shares one good, one not-so-good thing about the day)? Add this in, too. Once a week (or for one family member each day), pose a question about a movie or song or sermon or school assignment that will get people thinking about what messages or ideas are lurking behind a “nice” facade. 

4. Pray about it. We need wisdom to wade through the muck and worldly wisdom that permeates our media and the messages that fill it. The best source of wisdom is, of course, the Holy Spirit. Pray about a book you’re reading, the movie you’re going to see, the lessons your kids are being taught in school, the magazine you’re about to flip through. Ask the Holy Spirit to help you be aware of what you’re interacting with – what is good and what is less than good. Trust me, He is always happy to open our minds to Truth and protect our minds from lies. 

So there you go…some practical applications of a theoretical rant. What do you think? Am I on to something or totally off base? What have you tried? What do you wish you’d tried sooner? 

But whatever you else you do…start thinking. Turn your brain on and watch what comes your way!

Let’s start with an obvious fact: You are bombarded by messages all the time.

This blog is a message. The text you just got was a message. Your neighbor’s crazed rant about car seats is a message. Every book, magazine article, video clip, song, television episode, political soundbite, sermon, telephone conversation, and email is a message. They are everywhere. They bombard you through the radio, the internet, the people you work with, the culture we live in. Your kids will be assaulted by them all day long. 

And every message has a goal. They are designed to influence you. They attempt to convince you of something, ask a question (or pose an answer), start a debate, or silence an opponent. Most of the time, the specific goal is not obvious. But it is still there. And it is up to you to ensure that you and your family are equipped to respond to them.

So where should we start?

That’s the question I faced before my first Composition class. I had free reign to design the class however I wanted…and absolutely no idea where to go. So I asked a different question: where do I want to end up? And that question was much easier to answer:

• I wanted to create a class that wasn’t as boring and irrelevant as Comp was when I took it.
• I wanted to give the students tools to assess and respond to the messages they received every day.
• I wanted my students to understand WHY they should assess and respond to those messages.

Basically, I wanted to give them a crash-course in thinking, and I called it “turning your brains on.”

My stint on the college debate team and my Masters program in theatre at Ohio State had taught me that thinking was one of the most fundamental skills my students needed to be successful in the world they would enter after graduation. And for Christians, it was even more significant. No matter your stage of life: college, empty-nester, single adult, teenager, mom or dad of young kids…this world needs you to think well. The people out there will not be argued into faith in Jesus, but they will never listen to you about what really matters if they don’t respect how you interact with them, ideas, and the world at large in the “normal” things.

The world needs Christians who are not backward thinkers, who are not blind followers who spout cliches or twist information to preconceived conclusions. They need us to tell them the Truth, even though they won’t like it. They need us to stop assuming that every pastor is preaching God’s truth, just because he’s got a Bible open in front of him on Sunday morning. They need us to actively and intentionally develop a habit of using the brains God gave us!

We cannot avoid the messages, but we can choose not to mindlessly absorb them. We can refuse to be easily swayed by smooth speakers, cutting-edge technology or a flashy stage presence and start standing firm against the messages subtly trying to influence us and our kids. And we can teach our kids to do the same.

But…how do we do that? And how do we teach this concept to our kids? You’ll be surprised how simple it actually is. 

The secret to training your mind, to developing critical thinking skills, to interacting with ideas and messages and stories and people instead of just absorbing everything that comes your way, can be summed up in two words:

ASK QUESTIONS 

Really…it’s that simple.

Think about a child learning reading comprehension skills (my sister does this as her job…yeah, she’s awesome). Some students can read the words exactly right, but they have no idea what they read. So to help them comprehend, they (or their parents) have to ask questions about what they read or watch.

• What did (that character) do?
• Is (that character) happy or sad…how can you tell?
• Boy that character looks angry (or sad, happy, confused, etc)…why do they look that way?
• Have you ever done anything like (what happened in the story)?

They aren’t hard questions. They aren’t trick questions. They’re simple questions that encourage the child to recognize events, draw conclusions, make personal connections, and pay attention to what they are watching or reading. And it works for any arena where you want to practice thinking skills. 

If you want to turn your brain on, start asking questions. Questions like…

1. WHY?

This question digs for what’s behind a claim. Someone wants you to buy a certain brand of shoe…ask them WHY. You’re told to read your Bible, give to a charity, stop do this, start doing that…ask WHY. Culture (songs, videos, podcasts, whatever) tells us that freedom should be our goal and no one has the “right” to restrict what we want to do…ask WHY. Demand answers. Demand to know what’s behind the flashy video presentation or the sexy advertisement. Is this thing really better for you or do they want you do believe them, buy something, do something because it’s good for them? ASK WHY.

2. HOW DO YOU KNOW?

People can give great reasons, but have supremely bad support for them, and this question helps uncover that problem. Someone recommends the best way to do something (clean your house, feed your kids, save for the future, interact with your husband, etc)…ask HOW THEY KNOW? Did they study it? Did they read studies about it? Did they try it out for themselves? Some poll says 45% of people do x or y…HOW DO THEY KNOW? Don’t take people at their word, no matter how well-intentioned they are. Pastors tell you to give or do or live a certain way…HOW DO THEY KNOW? Can they show you Biblical support? This question considers the foundations of a claim. Don’t accept conclusions…find out how the speaker got there.

Choose to ask questions. At first, it will feel awkward. This is a skill to practice like playing the piano or learning a new golf swing. And it isn’t normal. Most people don’t do it. Your kids will not think it’s cool when you start asking questions about the shows they love watching. In our culture, most people want you to consume, not think. They want you to let “them” do your thinking for you. Don’t fall into this trap.

We have to turn our brains on. Ask questions. Demand answers. Encourage your kids to do the same thing. It can make all the difference in the world.