Eric’s had the entire week off. This is the longest he’s been off work at one time since the twins were born…so, like, 3 years ago. It’s been good.

I took down our Christmas tree already. It was really hard to do, but it was in the way, forcing the post-Christmas mess into the remaining living areas, and there was nothing I could do until it came down. So, down it came. I usually leave it up for at least a full week after Christmas, but this year, I needed some SPACE more than I needed to see the pretty tree. And I still have all the rest of my decorations up, so it’s not a total Scrooge thing. 

Eric put together my new shelves (think square shelves with fabric cubes to hold stuff) this morning. LOVE that my parents got them for me. LOVE how much stuff those cubes hold. LOVE how much cleaner the house is already.

I (with a bit of help from Eric) put together the little bike my parents got for Megan today. It has handles so that I can steer her while I push, and as she gets bigger, she can pedal herself. She loved it. She would have let me push her around our first floor for the whole evening if I’d wanted to. Sadly for her, I did not want to. But the smiles were pretty darn sweet!

Today, my niece turned 1. Happy Birthday, McKenna!

I finished the Inheritance cycle by Christopher Paolini yesterday. I got the full set as an early Christmas present and read all 4 books in the month of December. Overall, the whole story was well-told, the ending was fitting (not exactly happy, but as it should be), and I enjoyed it. I miss reading sometimes, but I don’t split my attention well when I read, so it’s hard to keep a good balance between disappearing into my books and staying on top of my kids. Oh well…I guess I’ll just keep reading and hope for the best. 

And, to finish, a quick list of some favorite things/moments from Christmas (not conclusive and in no particular order):

• My new diamond earrings from Eric
• The look on my kids faces when they saw their stockings on Christmas morning
• Megan bringing me Erin’s little bottle of nail polish and tapping it on my feet while saying “Pink!”
• Nights of hot chocolate and Christmas shows with my kids
• My brother generously giving my son all his matchbox cars from when he was a kid (and Alex loves them!)
• Erin getting the hang of her new pink scooter
• Watching my parents try to out-give each other again this year
• Sitting in church with my whole family on Christmas morning
• My brother’s bear hug, thanking me for his gift
• Making cookies with my kids (even if we did have to add 1/4 c. of maple syrup to the corn syrup for the Scotcheroos…and no, you can’t even taste it!)
• Watching the kids enjoy ice cream with sprinkles for dessert’

And many more, of course! I hope everyone had a very merry Christmas…can’t believe it’s almost the new year.  Guess I better start thinking about resolutions, huh? Or not…

Happy Thursday!

Every so often a real thought pops into my head. It doesn’t happen as often as it used to, and sadly there are very few situations wherein I can express the thoughts I do have. So I figured I should start blogging about them occasionally. Who knows…maybe you’ve got some thoughts to share, too…

Anyway, this week’s thought has to do with change. Specifically, HOW we change. You know, putting off the sin nature and living like Jesus. How exactly do we do that?

Like my friend who was saying recently that she’d been convicted about the grumbling and complaining she’d been doing. She knew she needed to stop. And it just kept coming up: sermons on the radio, verses she read, conversations with other people. You know, it just kept coming back up. So, she tried and tried, really hard, to stop complaining. She started on Sunday, and she did okay…until Tuesday morning. And then back down the rabbit hole she went. 

And I wondered about it. 

Because that’s pretty much what I do, too. I become aware of an area I really need to work on. And I try really hard not to do that thing anymore. And like my friend, it lasts about a day and a half. And like my friend, it’s really frustrating. 

So what’s a girl to do?

Well, one thing I have decided is that God does NOT want me to try harder to be more like Jesus. In fact, the last thing God wants from me is more effort. 

Take patience, for example. See, I know I’m not a patient person. I’m not. And I’ve spent a lot of years trying to be more patient, with people and circumstances and whatever. But of course, it hasn’t much changed. And the reason is…I can’t create patience. See, trying harder assumes I actually have a store of patience that I can choose to draw from (or not). But that’s not how it works. In reality, I have no patience. Not just…I lack that personality trait. No, it’s literally not there. There’s no store to draw from. So I got to thinking…if I’m supposed to be patient (and the Bible says I am) but I don’t have any to use, where is it supposed to come from?

And so far, the best answer I’ve come up with goes back an incredibly simple and basic (but incredibly difficult) concept: the fruit of the Spirit. Because the Bible is very clear that patience IS a fruit of the Spirit. So…if I want to be more patient, I can’t try harder. That’s more of ME. I need less of me and more of the Spirit. I need more of Jesus.

It’s like the fruit of the Spirit is a bunch of tools in a toolbox. It’s all the stuff I’m supposed to be and let be active in my life (you know…love, joy, peace, kindness, self-control, etc). But see, the problem is that it’s not MY toolbox. I can’t just use the patience in the box on my own. Sure, I try to. I get to a place in my day or my life that needs fixing (working on a sin, dealing with my kids, changing my thought patterns, standing in line, responding to the jerk who cut me off in traffic…you know, that kind of stuff), and I know exactly what tool I need. And the conversation goes something like this:

Me: Hey Jesus? I need more patience. Can you toss that one here? Thanks!

Jesus: (a muffled reply that’s too far away to hear clearly)

Me: What? No, no just throw it to me. I don’t need any help. I know how to use it…I just can’t reach it right now. Thanks…

And not surprisingly, it never works out. Maybe I’m patient for half of a second longer than I would have been otherwise, but no lasting change takes place. And why is that? Because I can’t borrow the tools without working with the Guy who actually owns the toolbox.

And it belongs to Jesus. No matter how hard I try, I can’t use the tools correctly. They aren’t mine. I need Jesus to use the tool in my life. He can’t just toss me more patience while He stands off to one side. He has to bring me the patience and teach me how to use it wherever I am. It’s like my husband trying to show one of our kids how to use a screwdriver (because I’m not patient enough to teach them myself ). He has to hold it and help them turn it correctly. 

In other words, I’m coming to realize that I can’t keep asking just for more patience. I need to start asking for more JESUS…and the patience will, necessarily, follow. I can’t create patience (or any of that other stuff) because those “tools” don’t stand alone. They are really the evidence that He is actually with me, in that moment, that situation, that reality. He won’t just toss me the tools and let me go at it (okay, He will, but just to teach me how ineffective that method actually is). What He really wants is to come and work IN me, His hands on mine, enabling me to act and react differently because He is there. He wants me to ask for HIMSELF! And when I have Him, the other stuff just automatically flows. 

Which means that…trying harder is really never going to accomplish a change. It’s going to discourage me. Dishearten me. Drive me farther away from Him. And that’s not what either of us want. 

Instead, I have to learn a new way of pursuing this change. No more focusing only on the “thing” I want. Stop asking for more patience…start asking for a better view of Jesus. Find Him and the patience will follow. My friend can’t focus on trying to stop complaining. She needs to start looking for Jesus in the situations feeding her complaints and as she finds Him, she won’t have any more need to complain…because He is now in that situation with her. 

Anyway, that’s what I’ve been thinking. Honestly, I have no idea if any of that makes sense. And yes, I do realize that this topic is much bigger than this one blog can cover. But still…feel free to comment, add your thoughts, disagree, clarify a point, whatever. I just thought it would be worth the time to think the thoughts out with words. Or start to…

Happy Wednesday!

So yeah…it turned out to be a fantastic weekend…

Friday night I went to an ornament exchange with Karen and hung out with some ladies, some of whom I knew and some of whom I didn’t. 

On Saturday morning, Eric got ready and I packed some stuff and we loaded up the kids in the van. Then he took them out to the farm for the day. They had a blast with their Grandma Hogue. An absolute blast. They made cookies in all sorts of Christmas shapes, plus some other shapes, plus with their initials. They made ornaments, too. One ornament was a star with their picture in the middle and “jewels” glued to some of the arms. The other ornament was their hand print. Even Megan got in on the act. What a great memory for them…seriously!

And for me…well…I stayed home. After they left, I got myself ready and then started working on Christmas. I set out what I had so I could see what I was missing. I ordered a few more presents online. Then I headed out for Christmas shopping. I went to stores, lots of them. I went in, wandered around as long as I wanted, and left. No hauling in 3 little people and hurrying so that we avoid a meltdown at all costs. I moseyed. I browsed. I randomly went into stores that weren’t in my original shopping plan. Because I could! And it was lovely. Truly lovely.

In fact, I pretty much finished my Christmas shopping. I have like one or two little stocking stuffers to pick up. And that’s it! AND, I stopped a Payless that’s going out of business and got 6 pairs of shoes for the twins for about $65, including a pair of winter boots for each of them that were original priced at $40 each. Fab.u.lous!

Anyway, I left the house about 11 and got home at 4:30. The house was a mess; the kitchen was too. And you know what I did. NOTHING! I sat on a chair and read a book until I wanted supper. I watched TV while I ate, then went back to my book. I read for hours…I even made myself real hot chocolate with milk! I can’t even tell you how wonderful it was to have a whole day when no one needed me, no one hung on me, no one changed my schedule. It was great!

Of course, when they pulled into the garage about 8:30, I was more than glad to see them and hear about how much they’d enjoyed their day. But for a few hours, it was great to just be by myself and do my own thing. It was a much-needed break!

On Sunday, we went to church, then after dinner, I met Karen and my parents at the mall. We do a yearly shopping trip where I go with my dad and she goes with my mom and we just shop. Then we met our kids/husbands at a restaurant for supper which was much fun, too. 

And when I walked in from supper out, I discovered that my incredible husband had cleaned my entire kitchen while I was gone.  It was spotless…and I was almost speechless.

So yeah…it was definitely a fabulous weekend. I was refreshed, I got stuff done, and I started this week actually feeling ahead of things for the first time in a long time. And I can’t thank my MIL and husband enough for the break. They really outdid themselves on my behalf. I’ll remember this feeling for a long time…okay, at least until Wednesday, I think!

Things I’ve thought or seen this week…

1. I do not know how single parents do it. Man…to those who find themselves in that place…you’re incredible!

2. Every morning, the twins come down the stairs, announcing, “Mommy! I saw a deven (seven) in my room! And I jump up and find you!” It simply amazes them that every morning that seven appears just in time for them to get up. Oh the joy of being 3!

3. We learned yesterday that Megan can actually say – in order – most of the numbers from 2-10. I’m not sure she’s actually counting as much as parroting the words since she hears them so often (we count with the twins a lot). But still…

4. One of the things I struggle with most of all is readjusting my expectations to match the realities of life. 

5. The other night, Eric called me downstairs to see something. It was Alex. He had stripped himself to his birthday suit and was jumping on our new trampoline, laughing himself silly. Sadly, I did not get a picture…

6. I broke my kitchen faucet on Wednesday night. Apparently it was not my super-human strength as much as the corrosion of a part in the handle. Thankfully, my husband can fix such things. Though we have to wait for the part he ordered to arrive before he can fix it correctly. So for now, I am using a piece of wood he screwed into the base to turn the water on and off. Hey, at least he’s creative AND handy!

7. This could be a long winter if these few weeks of rain are any indication. By the end of the day, the noise level in my house (mostly caused by my little man) has pretty much stretched my nerves taut. And they get louder as it gets closer to bedtime. I have NO idea how we’re all going to last.

8. My house is trashed again, and I am struggling to stay ahead of it. However, I did catch my ironing up completely the other night. At least that’s one thing the kids can’t undo 36 seconds after I’ve finished with it.

9. Dinner last night was an EPIC fail. My crockpot meal burned (and wasn’t right even if it hadn’t burned) and then I burned my quick-fix meal, too. Not as badly, but still. How do you burn 2 meals in a single day? At least my husband doesn’t consider taste an important criterion to determine whether or not to eat something. (Man…he really is a catch, isn’t he!?!)

10. I think Eric is going to take the kids to the farm for a one-day trip tomorrow. So I can have a whole day to do some shopping and get stuff ready for Christmas. If it all goes to plan…it’s going to be a good and productive day. At least that’s what I’m hoping!

And my kids are finishing their snack, so that’s all I have time to type up right now…happy Friday!

So we’ve had quite the birthday weekend around here.

Thursday, I tried to think of special things to do with the twins on their actual birthday. So they got a couple of can of play-doh to play with (we don’t do this often…I’m sure you can guess why!) in the morning. And we met my dad for lunch, which all 3 kids really enjoyed. Actually, I think my dad enjoyed it too! After naps, we played until Eric got home, bringing birthday dessert (mini whoopee pies). After dinner, they each got a whoopee pie with a candle in it. They giggled hysterically while we sang Happy Birthday to them and then blew their candles out with relish! They tore into gifts with that same relish, come to think of it. 

Erin got a stroller for her dolls. Alex got a rug with a road design on it for driving his cars and trucks. And they got a Curious George Christmas movie to share. Of course, we had all had a really rough night’s sleep the night before, so by that time, the kids were all fighting meltdowns. Erin wanted to play with Alex’s new toy, which he didn’t want to share. Megan wanted to chew on Erin’s new stroller, which set Erin off even more. Eventually, we did settle down to enjoy the toys a bit before bath and bed. 

Of course, bedtime was an unusually emotional time, too. For weeks, the twins have been reciting their mantra: “I number 2, but I gonna be number 3, and then I be a big boy (or girl) and I not need my pacifier!” Unfortunately, the reality of that mantra was pretty hard on them. They were overstimulated, way sugared-up, and over tired. And when they realized that we were serious about not getting them their pacifiers, Alex melted into a huge puddle of tears and sadness, and Erin looked up at me with big tear-filled eyes and sobbed, “I don’t want to be three!” 

(And truth be told, it was pretty hard on us, too…this reality that our kids had to learn — that growing up inevitably requires loss, that getting “big” also means putting away dearly loved, special times and things and activities. It’s a reality of life that still hits us hard, when things change, or loved ones pass away, or the “magic” of life that is inherent in childhood gets buried under the mundane realities of adulthood. It’s hard to watch your kids cross those bridges, small though they still are for now, and it makes you think of all the bridges, much bigger ones, that they will have to cross in the not-so-distant future. Yeah…our kids weren’t the only ones who felt tears that night…)

Thankfully, the over-tiredness eventually worked in our favor, and they soon fell asleep. Alex did come to the bathroom the next morning, looking deeply distressed, and told me very sadly, “I lost my pacifier.” It was heartbreaking. And nap times have been the hardest because they talk to each other instead of falling asleep. But we are making the adjustment to life without pacifiers. And I might not wait until 3 to take Megan’s. I’m not sure I can do this process again!

Anyway, Friday was spent playing with new toys, watching our new movie, and getting ready for the party on Saturday. I made the cakes and used the party as an excuse to do a lot of cleaning and sorting, which was a very good feeling. (Actually, if anyone wants to take my kids for a few hours so I can do that to the rest of my house…man, that would be great!)

And then it was Saturday. I got up at 6:30 to exercise before the rest of the house woke up and also cleaned up the basement. Eric and I spent the morning working on my to-do list. I finished decorating the cake (no pictures yet…sorry) and then we all cleaned and decorated. The twins helped me put Curious George decals on the wall – which they LOVED. Eric and I moved a bunch of toys to the basement to make a “playroom” for the kids that night and set up extra seating where the toys usually live. The kids went down for naps and I left to pick up food and balloons. I got home, and it wasn’t long until our first guests arrived!  And the party began!

The twins had a blast, I know. The people, the presents, the cake…fun, fun, fun, fun, fun! They got dress-up clothes, a kid-sized trampoline, new clothes, personalized ornaments, new toys…seriously, I don’t think we need Christmas after all of that! But overall, I think it went really well. Eric put together the trampoline and they jumped for a bit after baths (and first thing this morning because it was about the first thing Alex thought of…Thanks Mom and Dad!). Again we were overtired and overstimulated. But still, it was a very, very good party which they enjoyed immensely.

Of course, Sunday morning hit them pretty hard. We’ve had a number of meltdowns today, so church was followed quickly by lunch and nap (which are still in progress, thankfully). And I think the rest of the day, I will focus on lowering the level of excitement and stimulation.

But still, it was a pretty amazing birthday weekend for a couple of sweet little 3-year olds. And I’m glad I have a whole year to recover before we do it again!

That’s right…today the tiny squeaking burritos that they, for some reason, let us take home from the hospital turn 3 today! Life has certainly changed a lot from those crazy busy days when two little people suddenly decided that they ruled my world and kept me hopping with late night fussing, constant hunger complaints and a never-ending stream of poopy bottoms.

Wait…come to think of it…maybe not much has changed after all! 

But in all seriousness, these days are pretty amazing. I have two crazy awesome 3-year-olds running around my house.  They are funny, happy, talkative little sponges. They love their sister. They love each other. It’s just been incredible to watch them develop, as a pair AND as individuals. 

My Alex was born first (by 70 seconds according to the camera time stamp!). And these days, he’s just all boy. He wants to run, jump, bounce, be chased, climb, and any other very action verb you can think of. He likes cars and trucks and Blues Clues and Shaun the Sheep. He can’t seem to help but swing sticks (or anything stick-like) around like a…well, a stick, I guess. And he’s been known to beat out imaginary fire with those sticks, too, which is a little dangerous to the health and well-being of anyone nearby. 

Alex is also incredibly verbal these days, which is awesome. He is actually initiating conversations and people other than me can understand him (some of the time). He loves to be on his tricycle, though he never “got” pedaling this summer. I’m sure he’ll pick it up really fast next spring. He still loves his Scruffy puppy best of all his toys. He’s started really loving to be my helper, which is so fun. On the other hand, he’s taken to hoarding the toys, piling them up on the couch or the recliner in a mountain of toy cars, shopping carts, stuffed animals and other miscellany. Sometimes he does it to keep the toys for himself. Other times, he’s doing it to clean up (which he’s starting to really like to do…yay for me!). But that makes it hard to tell whether I should scold him or congratulate him for his pile of stuff…oh well!

   

Things that surprised me in recent days…

1. That there are now clocks that set themselves. I bought a new clock radio this week, plugged it in…and it displayed the correct time. Kinda freaky, actually…

2. When told to hug his sister for knocking her down, Alex added, of his own accord, “I love you, Erin.” First time that’s every happened. It was definitely too cute!

3. Megan has a molar. At almost 14 months, she has two bottom teeth in, as well as the front top where she’s got one tooth and 2-3 white bumps. But the other day, I realized that she’s completely put through one of her molars. So much for the standard order of these things…and that would also explain some of the cranky she was showing earlier this week, too!

4. I’m beginning to think that Erin is pretty much potty-trained. Even in public restrooms, she can (and wants to) go in, shut the door, do her thing and then let herself back out. Still working on pulling the pants back up, but I think she’s figured this thing out…woohoo!

5. Megan can talk. She’s been doing some animal sounds for a while. She’ll say “no-no” when she’s touching something she knows she shouldn’t have. She totally understands what we’re saying, nodding her head violently to give affirmative answers to our questions. But then…boom…out of nowhere the other day, she starts rattling off real words: nose, ear, belly, all done, stuck, tractor, book, pizza.  Heck, this morning, she pointed at my notebook and said “Booh” and when I asked her what color it was, she correctly answered with her word for green (which sounds more like “ghee”).  But seriously…this kid’s gonna be hitting full sentences by Christmas at this rate!

So yeah…it’s been an interesting world around here in recent days.  Fun…but man, I’ve got to stay on my guard all the time!