Dear Self,

You have two toddlers (and a baby). But as that fact seems to escape you more often than not, please take the following reminders and put them someplace where you will see them on a regular basis. 

1. Adding “quickly” or “now” to a command or request does NOT make any of your children move at all faster. As in, “Let’s get our coats on so we can go to Story Time…quickly!” You are wasting your breath.

2. When a lovey disappears just before nap time, remember that it will NOT be hiding in any of the places it has hidden in the past. Nap time will come faster if you start by looking in the least likely places first…and starting nap time is absolutely the highest priority.

3. No toy is desirable unless another child also wants it. This is why teaching children to share is so difficult. 

4. Neither a gate nor a threat of spanking will be sufficient to deter your children from the glittering glory that is the Christmas tree ornaments. And they will give those ornaments to the baby. This is the only time sharing comes naturally.

5. Every child MUST be permitted to push EVERY blue automatic door button that exists in EVERY lobby area.  There are no exceptions to this rule.

6. Someone will either poop their diaper or need to go to the bathroom exactly 15 seconds after you snap the last car seat buckle, no matter how many times you ask before snapping said buckle. 

7. When you tell a 3 year old that they cannot come out of his/her room in the morning until the clock has a “7” on it, be sure to cover everything but the hour number. Otherwise, they will come out at 6:27 because “they saw a ‘7’ and jumped out of bed just like you told them!” 

8. Just because they ate a food yesterday or the day before or sometime last week does NOT mean that they eat that food today. Unless that food is chocolate. Or marshmallow. Or cheese balls.

9. Every child’s potty seat is designed to create a puddle of pee that will remain on the toilet seat when the potty seat is removed. Always wipe the seat before you sit. Always. 

10. Your children will squeal, grunt, holler, call your name, scream at each other or take someone else’s toy at the climax of any television program or movie you decide to watch. It is inevitable. Be prepared to rewatch the climax of every show you turn on or just give up and quit watching television until your kids start school or go to bed. 

This is, of course, only a partial list, but hopefully it will help ease a little of the stress and frustration that necessarily exists when dealing with almost-3-year-olds. Thank you for your time. 

Sincerely,

Yourself

I am so blessed. Happy Thanksgiving!

I’ve got a lot of them these days…thoughts. But I’ve struggled to put them into words that would make sense on a blog. In all honesty, I write to make sense of my own thoughts most of the time. So I’m just going to ramble a bit and see what it is that I have to say…I hope you don’t mind.

Honestly, it’s been a long week.

It’s nothing new, really. Haven’t had enough sleep, of course. Been a bit hormonal, go figure. My kids are hitting milestones that include a lot more defiance, a lot less cooperation, and general boundary-pushing in every way possible. So far, I’m not loving the “threes” – and I hear that’s pretty normal.

But there’s been some more stuff, too. Just an overwhelming awareness of how deeply I fail on a regular basis. How ugly my pride and selfishness really are. I would never have described myself as an “angry” person, and yet, the Holy Spirit is opening my eyes to how often, when my schedule or priorities or whatever is disrupted, I actually get angry at people. Eric. My kids. Nameless drivers of cars on the freeway. I don’t lash out, really. I internalize it. I grumble under my breath. I seethe at them. I’m short with them. It is anger. And it’s really not pretty.

But I don’t wrap myself in the promises that “if I walk in the Spirit, I won’t fulfill the lusts of the flesh” and that I “have been predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son.” No. My perfectionism kicks in, and I kick myself for screwing up. No forgiveness. No grace. Just the same hard-hearted responses that I inflict on everyone around me when they aren’t perfect either.

Again…so not pretty. So definitely NOT like Jesus.  

On top of all of that, I realized that one of the longings of my heart is really from God (as far as I can tell)…but also that we’re not yet to the place where He can trust me to do it. It’s something I’d love to do…tomorrow if I could. But I think it’s still off in the distance for now. And that’s okay…I’m willing to wait until God brings it to me. But it made me a little sad, too. Because I want it now. (Hmmm…guess I now know where my kids get it…)

So that, combined with all the other stuff, had gotten me pretty discouraged and disheartened and down over the last week.

But thankfully…

God knew exactly what I needed. My amazing sweet sister let me vent. My parents came up for dinner on Saturday. My husband and I had a really great talk this afternoon. I laughed…a lot…this weekend. It was all just what I needed.

No…I’m still harsh and unkind to people around me. My pride controls me much more than I’ve ever realized it did. I don’t forgive or give grace. My perfectionism and need for control are constantly being pitted against the wills of my children, with usually negative results. This season of my life is lonely and feels mostly purposeless (even though I know that’s not true). And I’m still oh-so-very-far from where I will someday be. 

But it is when I’m overwhelmed by my need for Him that He always shows up. These struggles are gifts because He’s using them to make me aware…because until I am aware, I won’t even desire to change. But I do want to change. I want to be one who speaks words of grace, not anger. I want my kids to see Jesus in me, real and alive and making their Mommy a better person and a better mommy, every day. I want people to see Jesus in me, even if all they see is me trying to get through a grocery store with three small kids and a too-long grocery list. I want to remember, to rely on the fact that He can change me to look like Jesus. It won’t be tomorrow. But He CAN do it. He is doing it. And it’s okay.

I know I’m not alone in much (or any) of this. Like I said, this is all just me, rambling. If it speaks to you, fantastic. If it prompts to you pray for me, I’ll be very grateful. But mostly, I just needed to get it out of my head so I could figure out what exactly I’m trying to figure out.

And now it’s time for bed. Monday comes very early at our house…happy Thanksgiving week!

So I was going to do a Baby Times-sort of post, but frankly, that would take more mental energy than I’ve got right now.  So you’re stuck with just a regular update. 

Here’s what we’ve been up to recently – 

We spent the weekend at the farm for birthday festivities. Eric and his grandpa were both born on Nov. 11, and Grandpa Hogue turned 90 this year.  So we went out on Friday, had a lunch with the fam on Saturday and spent the rest of the day preparing for a reception for Grandpa on Sunday afternoon.  And Eric’s dad and brother were working non-stop trying to get the corn chopped and the silage bags filled before more rain came. Oh, the joys of farming…

Eric spent most of his free time at the farm working on a camera set-up that they put up on top of a silo to take pictures of the building of his brother’s new barn. When it’s done (assuming the camera doesn’t blow off the top of the silo), he’s going to put together a time-lapse video of the whole project which should be super-cool. 

Megan had a REALLY bad night while we were at the farm…like crying almost non-stop from 9-midnight. I finally got her to sleep at almost 1. Then Alex was up at 2:30. Then Meg was back up at 5-ish. Man, I hate those kind of nights. We still aren’t sure what caused her fit. It might have been gas. It could have been the 4 or so teeth she seems to be trying to put through all at once. Either way, though, it was rough!

Monday, Eric took the day off so we didn’t have to rush home on Sunday night. That was nice. Then yesterday, we had to meet a chick from the Twins Club who sold me a pack-n-play and after that transaction took place, we just drove down the street to the Play Cafe where the kids had a blast for an hour or so.  Today we had a playmate at our house, so my house is currently (mostly) tidy, and the twins did a great job sharing their toys with “our fwends” as Alex called them. And I made Monkey Bread for a snack which was yummy. Haven’t had that in ages, and I ate way too much of it.  But it was definitely yummy. 

In other news…

The twins are absolutely into the “Threes” now. Erin melts into a puddle about everything and nothing. Alex acts like he’s trying to tear the house down. Both are definitely getting more defiant. And I’m trying to keep the PT from stalling out. They say that 3 is worse than 2. I believe it. I totally believe it. 

Megan learned to say “uh-oh” the other day…super cute!

I finished knitting a scarf to give as a birthday present to my niece this weekend.  I need to block it today so it is ready for Saturday’s party.  I hope she likes it.  

I have actually started my Christmas shopping, so that’s cool.  And fun.  I really need to get our lists out to family so they have some ideas for all these sales I keep getting emails about.  Of course, I should probably finish the lists before I send them, I guess. 

I need a new cell phone.  My current one will no longer stay turned on unless it is plugged into the wall.  Thankfully, I’m 6 months over my last 2-year plan, so I can go upgrade or whatever at any time.  Might have to be tonight!

Okay, I think that’s all the randomness I can come up with right now.  I have in mind a couple of other, more “intelligent” posts but they haven’t gelled enough to actually get them posted.  So soon…

But until then…Happy Wednesday!

That’s what I am.  Lack of (enough) sleep for weeks dropped my immune system so that I got hit unusually hard by the cold that my kids had last week.  And I’m really sore because my body seems to be ignoring the fact that Megan hasn’t nursed in over a week and we don’t need any more milk. SO…I’m blowing my nose and trying to keep my watery eyes from burning and trying not to bump my chest unexpectedly and wishing I had a nanny so that I could dump the care of my kids onto her today.

But alas, no such person lives at my house.  So I guess I’ll muddle through the whole parenting thing today.  And just be glad that we got some super cute pics of them in the backyard last night.