1.  Alex broke my glasses last night.  I got them in January.  I never liked them that much.  But still…to be out the cost of the glasses after only 3 months.  Drat!

2.  My children are living in Contrary Land these days.  I guess it’s just ’cause they’re two.  But just about everything I ask gets a “no” in response (even, “Do you want yogurt for breakfast?”) or some other form of negative.  These are sometimes accompanied by fits.  Oh…such fun.

3.  And of course, everyone keeps telling me that 3 is worse.  Something to look forward to, I guess.

4.  Alex also ran into the corner of a doorway last night, leaving a monster lump on his forehead. It’s better today, just going to leave a lovely bruise for a week or so.  Glad we didn’t plan to have pictures done this weekend!

5.  I got Megan’s new-found mobility on video last night.  She is after everything she sees now.  And of course, Erin is trying to “protect” stuff from her grasp.  So…I guess it begins…

6.  The twins did have yogurt for breakfast this morning.  Alex is eating it with his fingers.  While holding the spoon in the other hand.  *shrugs*

7.  I actually have found time for the current writing project recently.  Not sure if the revised deadline (it got pushed WAY back) gave me the breathing room I needed to really focus on it or if it’s just been a good week for writing.  But I’ll take it!

8.  In a shocking turn of events, I actually got the ironing done yesterday.  Go me!

9.  Megan gets really fussy in the afternoons these days.  I’m hoping she’s actually teething or something.  And she’s been getting up too early in the morning to eat (4:55 am on Wed. morning, 5:40 today).  I hope she’s just growing and will go back to her 6-7 am feeding time soon.

10.  Erin figured out this week that she can leave her room when she wakes up.  So this morning, she appeared in the bathroom just as I was stepping out of the shower.  Surprise, Mommy!

And there are my 10 things.  Happy Thursday!

Started a book called Spiritual Parenting while nursing Megan tonight.  I’ve had it since Christmas, just haven’t gotten around to reading it.  I kind of wish I could read it along with someone else so I had a discussion partner.  Some quotes from Ch.1:

– “In this book we will explore what it means to seek God as our primary audience – to please Him alone with our parenting and seek Him alone for the strength and power to do so.”

– “This truth revealed to me that it was not my job to merely control my child’s behavior and by doing so somehow create a spiritual life for him or her.”

– “Nowhere in the Bible does God ask me to spend my days managing the deeds and actions of my child.”

– “What you believe and where you aim your heart determines the direction and outcome of your entire life for eternity.”

– “So spiritual parenting reminds me that it’s not my job to merely control my children’s behavior, but rather it is my job to model with authenticity what I have in my relationship with God though Christ.  And hopefully what I have is worth passing on to the next generation.” (ouch)

– “Essentially, [this book] asks the question, “What is my end goal in raising each of the children God has entrusted to me, and then how will I parent them with that end in mind?”

My heart is heavy today for a friend who has walked away from her faith.

I miss having deep thoughts.  But I don’t have the energy to fuel discussions or arguments right now.  And mostly, what I hear people arguing about just seems irrelevant, even if it is deep.  It’s funny how a decision, made years ago, to choose people over ideas has lead me to this place.  It’s probably why I never really went back to grad school.  Spending hours “discussing” the current topics just stopped seeming real or valulable.  Of course, I’m not naturally that good with people, and I’m naturally better with ideas.  So maybe it wasn’t the most obvious decision (I still wonder about it), but I don’t regret it. 

I don’t think Facebook status updates are a good place to hash out deep thoughts or try to challenge other people’s ideas.  IMHO, write a blog, write a book, have a real conversation with a real person, or just keep it to yourself.  Feel free to disagree with me.

Eric’s grandpa is still not well after having a pacemaker put in at the beginning of March.  They have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow with a neurologist that we hope will reveal some clues to what’s really going on.  My sister’s FIL is also having surgery in the near future to remove a spot from each liver.  I think they’re just sort of waiting for a diagnosis of cancer. A friend that I grew up with lost his mother to cancer last week.  There’s just a lot of people tired, hurting, worried people around me when I lift my eyes off my daily “grind” of naps and snacks and diapers.  I don’t know how to help them either.

I’m tired tonight.  But I’ve slept better the last couple of nights.  I’m trying to get better about giving the kids a chance to ‘self-soothe’ before I run in.  And I actually told the twins flat out at bedtime the other night that “I can’t find my pacifier” is not a good reason to call for me.  Oddly, they haven’t called me for that reason since.  Maybe they understood…maybe they just haven’t lost their pacifiers in the middle of the night.  Who knows?

I can’t do a sit up.  Not a real one.  Not without cheating.  Apparently, my core is WAY not strong.  Good to know, I guess.  Maybe I should work on that.  We shall see.

I want it to stop dropping into the 20s at night for good.  We’ve been able to go out in the afternoon (temps in/near the 40s).  But the mornings are too cold for me to walk outside.  I’d like that back soon. 

I’m done now, I think.  Happy Tuesday.

Erin (having just opened the front door by herself): Mommy, c’mon.

Me (joining her at the door): What is it?

Erin: I hear som-ping (she leans toward the door)

Me: What do you hear?

Erin: Birdie.

Me: What does the birdie say?

Erin: Twee-Twee

_____

Me: Erin, where are your bunnies? (Her jingle toys that she sleeps with)

Erin: They uppy-toppy.

Me: Upstairs?

Erin: Yeah…I be righ’ back.

______

I was sitting at the kitchen table, doing my Bible study.

Erin: Mommy, I read Bible, too! (She went and got their picture Bible)

Me: You’re going to read the Bible, too?

Erin (climbing up in another chair): Yep!

Me: Okay, what do you want to read about?

Erin: God (pronounced “Gaw” when she says it)

Me: Well, then let’s start at the beginning…that one’s about God.

_____

Erin: Look…Noah!

(She was pointing at the garden gnome in the commercial on TV)

_____

I got out my steamer a couple of Sundays ago.

Erin: What’s that?

Me: It’s a machine.  Mommy’s going to use it to steam some clothes.

Erin: Hi, machine.  I Eh-yin!

_____

Snippets of Erin-Speak

Talking to Megan: “Hi, Bay-ee Me-han.  Bay-ee Mehan wan’ her rattle?  Here you go, Bay-ee Me-han.”

To the picture in the book: “Hi, (fill in name).  I Eh-yin.  This A-yee. (she points to her brother).  And this Mommy.”

Leaving the church after Bible study: “Ho-ome…are you?  Mommy, I see home!”  

To the dog inside the house across the street: “Awww.  Hey, doggie.  Hi, doggie.  Good doggie.”  (she was bent over at the waist talking to it like it was sitting right in front of her. Though if the dog had been right in front of her, she’d have been in tears…)

After a fit: “Mommy…I happy.  I happy now.”

To me when I get mad: “Mommy okay?  Mommy happy?”  (This usually includes her rubbing my back)

Asking for things she likes: “Mommy, I wan’ lem-n-ade.”  “Mommy…I nee brownie.”  “Mommy…happy cake?”  (this is any cake, but especially cupcakes)

_____

And not to be totally left out, here is how Alex counts these days:

Me: Let’s count them…One…what comes after one?

Alex: Too!

Me: What’s next?

Alex: Tree!

(After a prompting from me for each one…)

Alex: Bor!  Bive!  Si!  Eight!  Nine!  Eight!

(Eight and nine are his faves, I guess, so we skip seven and never get to ten…)

Happy Friday! 

I finished a book yesterday.  I stayed up until 11:00 to do so.  It was worth it.  Unfortunately is was Book 2 in a trilogy, so now I am trying to decide whether to just start Book 3 and be done with it.  Decisions, decisions…

Megan has now started rice cereal.  She had her first bowl on Monday night.  She ate 2 tbsp. of cereal without stopping at all.  Last night, same thing.  And she was JOLLY for about an hour after “dinner” was over, too.  I think she likes it.

It’s supposed to be in the 60s early next week.  Call me excited!

Time change pretty much kicked my butt this time.  The kids were not unusually messed up.  Some issues came up, but nothing major.  I, on the other hand, felt like I got hit by a semi for the first two days of this week.  Thankfully, things are better today.  Even with the late “finish-the-book” bedtime.  So we should be good now, I hope.

Eric’s grandpa is still struggling some.  His heart is good. But his mind is not so much.  I guess my MIL was noticing some little quirks before his heart failed.  But now there are lots of things that are concerning them.  And he told his doctor that if the doctor diagnosed him with Alzheimers, “he’d just stop taking all his medications.”  Please pray for Grandpa and for Grandma and my MIL.  They need lots of wisdom right now.  

I made an obstacle course of chairs, tables and stools in our living room on Monday to help Alex blow off some steam.  I tried to vary taller things with shorter so they’d have to climb up and down.  They really enjoyed it.  They especially liked standing on the piano bench.  I think they felt tall.  But it was cute to watch.

Erin is almost completely understandable these days (at least for me).  It’s crazy to realize that most of her sounds are actual words…or attempts at them anyway.  She’s too cute.

I bought myself a copy of the 30 Day Shred a couple of weeks ago so I had something to vary my exercise routine with (I typically just walk on my treadmill or outside if I can).  It has been really good for working muscles and parts of my body that the treadmill doesn’t challenge much.  The other day, though, I didn’t get it done before the kids were up.  So Erin came down with me.  She “worked out” right along with me…including copying my breathing during pushups and trying to lift a small hand weight.  She even got down on her back and did “crunches” right beside me.  It was TOO cute.  

My in-laws dropped in yesterday just as naptime ended.  We had a good time playing and chatting with them, and they stayed for dinner.  My FIL had a CAT scan yesterday, which is the last step in the requirements for the hearing implant they are looking to get him.  It’s called Esteem, and if all goes as they say it should, my pretty-much-deaf FIL may actually be able to hear again in just a couple more months.  We are really excited by the possibility.  He’ll be able to talk to my MIL again, just to chat.  And he’ll be able to hear the grandkids jabber at him (not that he’ll understand what they’re saying, but that’s another issue!).  I’m really praying that God blesses the procedure.  He’s only in his 50s, and he can’t hear much of anything anymore.  This would be really, really great if it does what they think it will do.  

Last night, we tidied the house up before the kids went to bed.  I never realize how much the clutter is bothering me until it’s gone and it’s like I can breathe a little easier.  I guess that should motivate me to tidy more often.  But…well…maybe one of these days that will happen again!

Okay, I think I’ve run out of random thoughts for right now.  Happy Wednesday!

I realized on our way to Story Time the other day that I had morphed, once again, into “Frustrated Mommy.”

Oh…you don’t know her?  Sadly, she’s been showing up at my house a lot lately.  Even multiple times in a day.  

And she’s not a nice person, really.

See…”Frustrated Mommy” does not speak kindly.  She snaps at her children, lashing out because they got under her feet just as she tried to walk.  Or dumped their toys right where she was about to put her foot down, thus causing her intense (though short-lived) foot pain.  Or they didn’t quite move fast enough, answer fast enough, pick something up fast enough, put on their coats fast enough.  Frustrated Mommy flings out words recklessly, showering anyone nearby with sarcastic and pointed barbs of verbal venom.

And really, she doesn’t even need words to be unkind.  Frustrated Mommy huffs at her children, breathing puffs of air out her nose when they displease her or make her life harder in some way.  She glowers and rolls her eyes and scrunches her lips together until her face is tied up into a tight and wrinkled wad of unhappiness. 

Even worse, Frustrated Mommy reacts and (usually) over-reacts.  Lack of sleep excuses her irritated response to her toddlers’ behavior.  

• After all, they dumped every.single.puzzle.piece onto the floor, exactly 60 seconds after she had last picked them up.  And they threw a fit when she asked them to pick the pieces up.  
• They chose a snack, only to come back in five minutes wanting a different snack, leaving the original one abandoned somewhere to be squished into the carpet to be found two hours (or more) later.  And they threw a fit when no more snacks were allowed.  
• They pushed each other, wanted the other one’s toys, refused to let her take their picture, and got into all sorts of things that THEY KNOW they aren’t supposed to get into.  They don’t obey the first time Frustrated Mommy asks them to do something.  
• And they threw yet another fit.

In other words, they acted like normal toddlers…but unfortunately, that’s exactly how Frustrated Mommy acted, too.  

She, too, threw a fit, complete with foot stomping and incoherent “Grrrrrs!” vented toward the heavens.  She kicked at the offending toy with her stinging foot. She muttered under her breath as she took another step…onto yet another toy, at which point a sharp and loud “OUCH!” echoed in the room.  And everyone stopped and took notice.

And that is, of course, her intention.  Frustrated Mommy wants someone to notice her frustration.  She wants someone to understand that they have made HER life more difficult, that things aren’t going HER way, that SHE is annoyed by the events and attitudes around her.  SHE wants a break from the miles-long “To Do” list that all of THEM just keep adding to.  And she steams out her anger in any possible way until it’s so obvious that even the toddlers pause to stare, wide-eyed and silent, wondering how this Fury appeared where only seconds before their Just-Plain Mommy had been standing.

Like I said…not a pretty picture.

But sadly…Frustrated Mommy has been popping up far too often these days.  And it’s not hard to see why.  I mean, let’s be honest…It’s the end of winter, and I’m in desperate need of Spring.  We’ve been cooped up inside for months: me, two busy toddlers and an infant who can’t go out in the cold easily.  It’s hard to get to stores or even places to play.  We can’t go outside because it’s too cold or windy or whatever.  And we just need some sunshine, warm breezes and hints of green poking through the wet ground.  We need Spring.

But it’s not just a physical season of Winter that’s ending.  There’s an emotional winter that is finally ending, too.  Spring is slowly coming after a long, hard, cold season of life.  And I need it.  I want it.  But as we start to thaw out, I find myself dumping things that were on-hold while we waited out the Winter.  The ice and snow is melting, but the result is a yucky, muddy mess.  

And it’s the end of a spiritual Winter, too.  I’ve been where I am for too long, and it’s time to let God move me someplace new.  Someplace better.  But it means change.  It means doing new things so I can a different result.  A different view of people.  A true sense of humility.  A softer heart, a more-hospitable home, a family that shines with His grace.  It means learning to be less self-sufficient so God can teach me new ways to love my husband, how to parent from His strength instead of my own, how to walk more consistently with His Spirit, and how to let myself connect with the people around me, maybe even share Jesus with them.  Yes…It’s all good change.  But it’s not easy.  It’s just the start of Spring.  I see so much more failure than growth right now.  It’s easy to get impatient.  Or discouraged.  Or frustrated.

And so…Frustrated Mommy shows up with only the slightest provocation.  

But I don’t like her.  She’s not pleasant.  She’s not fun.  She’s prickly and harsh and there’s nothing Christ-like about her.  And it’s time she learns that she’s not welcome here anymore.  

So the other day, on the way to Story Time, I shut the door on her cranky, angry face.  

I took a breath.  I said a prayer.  I paused to reconnect with reality.  And instead of rushing in frustrated and late to Story Time, we drove to Tim Hortons where we shared some Timbits for 20 minutes.  Then we made our way, leisurely, to the library, arriving in plenty of time for the second Story Time.  While we waited, we read a few books and played with the activities, and then we joined the other toddlers to enjoy songs and stories about hats. 

And Just-Plain Mommy managed beautifully without Frustrated Mommy’s help for once.  Which is just as it should be.  

She’s five months old.  And getting cuter by the day!

Seriously, don’t you just want to pinch those cheeks!

As for accomplishments, she’s rolling both ways now (finally!).  And yesterday, she pushed to a standing position on my lap and stood without help for about 30 seconds before her knee buckled.  And I watched her push her little bum into the air while on her tummy the other day.  This girl may be mobile in short order!

She reaches for anything she can grab.  My glasses are a favorite.  And her toes are currently her preferred plaything.  And we recently moved to size 3 diapers (man – can this girl fill a diaper!).  She sat in her high chair while we ate dinner last night…and loved it!  And I suspect we’ll be moving up to cereal before too much longer, too. 

But she’s a happy little lovable sweetie.  Happy 5 months, Megan Marie!