I feel like I have about seventeen things to blog about, but whenever I try to focus on one to write it down, it gets all fuzzy in my head. So this may be a weird, squiggly sort of post. We shall see…
The Farm
We headed to the farm for the Memorial Day weekend. Overall it was a good visit. Here’s a quick recap:
Some Bad:
- Unfortunately, the babies don’t sleep well there. That makes for long nights for me and Eric (the babies sleep right next door with paper-thin walls).
- Eric’s grandmother is very difficult for me to deal with. She pounces on us whenever we arrive where she is (as in, she was standing thisclose when we stopped the Jeep and Eric nearly knocked her over opening his door). I totally understand her excitement to see/show off the babies. But it still is hard for me to take.
- I didn’t really get a break. We just added socializing to my normal baby to-do lists.
Mostly great:
- Eric got to play farmer on Saturday. He drove tractors, loaded hay, and did a couple of chores that the others had been meaning to do, but couldn’t get to. I think he really enjoyed himself.
- Eric also went kayaking with his other brother on Sunday. They had a good time.
- My MIL loves to be able to see the babies. And my FIL and BIL are starting to enjoy the babies more now that they’re bigger. And it’s fun to see all the small-town, farmer folks just love on our babies because they love my in-laws so much. It’s nice to know there are still places where babies are celebrated!
- And my MIL is going to make the babies a couple of blankets with different textures/fabrics for them to explore. They will love these!
Down
I’ve been tending towards discouragement recently. I’m not sure exactly why, but I’ve really struggled not to wallow in self-pity and negativity. Yesterday, Eric gave me a longer-than-usual hug, and I almost cried. Some of it is that I got Eric’s cold (as did Erin). Some of it is that I’m stuck at home this week with the babies while our Jeep gets some needed repairs. But most of it seems to be that I really, really need a for-real break. Someone to volunteer to man the babies in every way except feeding (and maybe for at least one of those, too). My MIL is great, but she waits for me to tell her what to do, waits for me to give permission to do things. I really need someone to spell me for a bit, not just “assist”. I’m just worn-down: physically, emotionally, spiritually, mentally. I’m running on empty.
Jon & Kate Plus 8
This situation has just broken my heart. It makes me sad every time I hear something new about them. I think I’m going to quit watching their show just because I don’t want to be part of the primary cause of what’s tearing their marriage apart. And I’ve actually been praying for them (I think they are Christians)…it’s just so sad.
Closet Romantic
On a more light-hearted note, I realized the other day that I’m a closet romantic. I’m super-rational and not very emotional (for a girl) as a general rule. But there are just some things that set my little girly-heart all a-flutter. For example, in the movie Definitely, Maybe, he finds a book that used to belong to one of the other characters, and he almost gives it to her, but doesn’t, and you realize that he really loves her, not the other two chicks. Or in Stranger than Fiction, when Will Farrell’s character brings his love interest flours, instead of flowers. Since she’s a baker, he actually brings her a box with 6 or 8 bags of different types of flour. Yep…those are the moments that break my latent romanticism free from the chains of rationalism they are usually bound up in…
Fun Things:
And then, for other happy things in my life…
- Check out this website for adorable pictures of baby animals. Marla posted a link to it on her post. Be sure to click on some of the other options. I thought the pygmy hippo was too cute!
- We watched Mr. Magorium’s Wonder Emporium last night. I
kid’s movies! - Friday is our 5 year anniversary. I think we’re going to get a babysitter and go hang out together at Easton or something. Should be a good time…
- Erin rolled over from her back to front over the weekend for the first time. I’m pretty sure it was an accident (she looked super surprised!), but they are both pretty close to doing it for real.
- We gave both babies pears last night with their oatmeal at dinner. It was our first attempt at baby food (I let Eric choose what we’d give them). They HATED them! I guess they were a bit tart…but since they’ve never had anything but bland, both babies reacted very negatively. It was quite funny to watch them make super-ugly faces.
Of course, now I don’t know whether to try pears again today or just go on to something new (I realize they recommend waiting to watch for allergies, but I’m not sure they got enough pears into them to create an allergy!)…
And that’s all I can think of for now. I should fold baby laundry while the babies nap, but I think I’m going to go look at cute animals instead. Happy Wednesday!
Praying right now for God to provide a break for you, Shannah! I too watched J&K+8 the other day–so heartbreaking! I’m praying for them as well.
I really think it is good that you have realized you need the break. So many moms aren’t willing to say it, even if they think it. They somehow think it makes them a bad mom. I hate even saying it cause I’ve said it before and it’s really no good cause I’m too far away. I would love to give you a break. I remember those days all too well. Prayed for you just now that you get that break. Just getting away from your normal scenery would help.
I am so sad about Jon & Kate too. I had never really watched the show but my DIL loves it and got me started. I don’t watch often just now and then. I read her book and they are christians and it’s just sad to see this. I pray for them too.
Hang in there. Your job is tough. I know you love your babies but praying you get that break you need. Hugs!
I would love to give you a break. Just bring those babies down and take off to wherever you want to go. If you want to pick a day (like next Saturday), I don’t have any plans at the moment.
I don’t know what kind of relationship you have with your MIL but – would it be worth it to totally humble yourself and just level with her and say, “I’m struggling, I need a break, I love being these babies momma, but I need a break so I can be reminded of that”.
I have a heart for young moms who are struggling. It is so very difficult – I can’t imagine having twins.
If you think she is capable of “running the show”, do you have the type of relationship that you could just say, “I need you to be in charge”. It’s hard to be in charge ALL THE TIME. I said a prayer for you just now.
is it weird that i just teared up when i read about will ferrell and the “flours”? i guess i’m a romantic too.
(although i still generally prefer to watch action movies like star trek over romantic comedies…)
I pray you get a break soon. My mom is good at that sort of thing. I also love the flours instead of flowers thing
. It’s romantic because it’s so loving and attentive, not that fake romantic stuff you sometimes see. I guess that makes it less “girly” and more human.
Bennett’s doctor recommended giving veggies before fruits. She loves squash and sweet potatoes- maybe try one of those?
I hear you on needing a break. Ben went on a 4-day golf trip to Florida a couple weeks ago and I was soooooooo jealous (but glad he could go). I keep wondering when I’ll ever get a break like that.
Glad the farm was mostly good, and that you made it through the not-so-good parts. I can see how you would need a for-real break. That has been the upside to going back to work – legitimate baby-free hours. Perhaps you could ask for a day/24 hours with a babysitter for your anniversary (not sure if you could actually get away – I think I remember you saying that you were doing some pumping early on…)? I’m with you on J&K+8. My grandma and I watched the encore of the season premiere last night, and it made me really sad. It also made me realize that the forgiveness and healing of Jesus is the only thing that can truly save us from such a rift. I hope they can find that, I really do. And LOL to the pears. I thought pears were supposed to be one of the sweeter fruits!