That’s been my week, pretty much.  I’ve had a week-long, self-centered, pity party for myself. 

I’ve been discouraged, and I’m tired.  Spending last weekend with my parents was really good, but I came home totally spent, and then had to start the week trying to dig myself out of a hole.  And the babies aren’t sleeping very well again this week, so I’m really worn out.  I’m finding myself getting easily cranky about small things.  It’s not fun to be around myself…I don’t know how Eric is putting up with me.

I know what brought most of this to a head, though.  On Wednesday, a friend from college stopped by for a few hours.  It was great to see her and chat.  And she had her 5 week old with her, whom I hadn’t seen yet.  Unfortunately, I realized later that spending that time with her, both of us dealing with our little ones, was eye-opening for me.  It was the first time I actually could compare the amount of work one takes with the amount of work that two takes.  And forgive me for saying this, but two is a lot harder.  Her son is already 11 lbs., so he can sleep longer than my 12 week olds can.  She can keep him awake after feeding to encourage a schedule.  He eats and she puts him down to sleep and then walks away for a while.  None of that is true for me.  The reality hit me hard and discouraged me.  And it’s been hard to shake the self-pity that resulted from her visit.

EDIT: Of course, I don’t mean to imply that one is not hard.  It is.  And having more kids, one at a time or otherwise, is also crazy hard.  So to all the mommies out there, I know you know what I’m feeling and thanks for all the encouragement! END EDIT

But I am trying to correct my attitude.  I know that much of this is because my time with Jesus has been hit-or-miss for months (about 2 and a half, to be exact).  I know that I’m not walking in the Spirit because I’m totally fulfilling the lusts of my flesh (i.e., self pity).  Instead of love, I’m annoyed with people.  Instead of joy, I’m discouraged and cranky.  Instead of peace, I’m anxious and easily upset. 

I want my mental stability back.  I want to sleep again (though that doesn’t have anything to do with not being Spirit-led).  So, here’s my question for you mommies out there.  How do you manage to get your “devotions” in?  What works for you: a book, certain reading schedules, something else?  I need some advice so I can start to kick these bad mental/spiritual habits I’ve gotten into…thanks!   

Imagine if there was a newspaper about my life.  Today’s edition would include the following:

Front page, above the fold.
Headline: Poop Escapes Diaper
Story synopsis:  Apparently, Alex’s diaper either wasn’t attached properly (read, I can’t use velcro correctly), or it managed to come undone right before his pre-dawn BM.  There was some in the diaper.  But then I realized there was a lovely green puddle in the pajamas, on the changing pad cover, on his sheet, and clear through his bedding to the mattress.

Front page, below the fold (left column)
Headline: Laundry on Today’s To-Do List
Story synopsis: I didn’t think I had enough pieces to do a load of laundry today.  Per the story “above the fold”, I now have plenty of items to make a load.  (No pun intended)

Business Section
Headline: Grocery List gets longer
Story Synopsis: Brown sugar, yogurt, bread, mustard, Vaseline…

Headline: Trip to Target Nears
Story Synopsis:  I have some returns to make and some items to pick up, so we will be making a trip to Target soon. 

Health & Wellness Section
Headline: Reflux a common problem
Story Synopsis:  It now seems that our babies are definitely into the reflux world.  Baby Zantac for Erin is working very well, especially at bedtime.  But now it seems that they need something for it much more often than they used to show signs of reflux bothering them.  Maybe it goes in cycles.  Or maybe I’ve been eating something that’s bothering them (particularly Alex). 

Headline: Sleep and Exercise for Mommy.
Story synopsis:  Not getting enough sleep is wearing me out.  Today’s normal exercise time was usurped in favor of a little more sleep this morning.  Now I have to figure out where to put in at a later hour of the day.  Or maybe I’ll just skip it until tomorrow!

Arts & Life Section
Headline: Entertainment is key
Story Synopsis:  For Mommy, entertainment is vital to surviving tired days.  These day, she watches a lot of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, Jon & Kate Plus 8, and Dog Whisperer, along with other random shows that she has recorded on the DVR.  Mommy is a big fan of the DVR.  She’s also found a great postnatal exercise DVD that she borrowed from the library.  Speaking of that, she needs to renew it today so as not to get a fine!

Headline: Friend Visit Schedule for Tomorrow
Story Synopsis:  A friend from college is planning to stop in to see us (and show off her own new son) tomorrow.  She was originally going to come today, but the schedule didn’t allow it.  So we are looking forward to her coming tomorrow.

Headline:  Babies Starting to Stir
Story Synopsis:  Alex is sleeping in a bouncy seat, but should be waking up soon.  Erin is still in her crib, but I’m hearing her noises.  So I should go check on her, get her up and changed and dressed for the day, and then maybe we’ll get downstairs before noon!

Because I can’t form long sentences coherently today…

• I’m really tired today, so the day is going VERY slowly.
• The babies are a bit fussy.  It could be reflux.  Or it could be that I’m really tired.
• The weekend was good.
• We were at my parents’ house for most of it.
• My dad is doing really well.  My mom really enjoyed spending lots of time with the babies, I think.
• We had a shower for the babies on Saturday morning.  It had been postponed from last October.  It was with my former co-workers, and it was great to see them all again. 
• I still have no desire to go back to work with them; I only wish I could see them more regularly!
• My family got together for my birthday on Saturday night.  Good times!
• Sunday, we went to my parents’ church to show off the babies.  And it was my dad’s first time at church since his surgery.  And the sermon was excellent.  All good stuff!
• We watched Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (new one with Johnny Depp) last night.  I actually liked it, even with Tim Burton directing.  Actually I thought he really captured the feel of Dahl’s story.  Surprise, surprise!

I guess that’s all I have for now…happy Monday!

Our heroine is about to go make cookies for her husband while her MIL is still here to talk to the babies.  But before she does…another post on Xanga…

Just thought you’d all like to know how the well visit went this morning.  It went well.

• The babies did great, and are doing great. 
• Alex weighs 9 lbs. 12 oz and is 20 3/4 inches long.
• Erin weighs 9 lbs 13 oz. and is 21 1/4 inches long.
• My babies have been within an ounce or two of each other for their entire lives.  Literally.  Even in utero. Weird.
• The doctor talked to me for most of 30 minutes, answering my questions about twins and feeding/sleeping patterns.  He was VERY helpful.  I the pediatrician!
• Erin has an Rx for baby Zantac.  The doctor recommended we try it.  I hope he’s right that we should see a vast improvement to her being able to settle down when put in her crib.  She probably hopes so, too. 
• The babies survived their first vaccinations.  Alex held his breath until he turned purple and then screamed. Erin just yelled the entire time.  I did not cry.  They both recovered without too much difficulty (probably the full stomachs and Tylenol helped!). 
• Next appointment is in April for their 4-month well visit.  They’re getting so big!!

And with that, the heroine finished her post, logged out and went back downstairs to be a good wife!

Happy Thursday!

When we last left our heroine, she had whined about babies not sleeping and offered a recap of her birthday’s activities. 

As we return to her mundane world, we find her typing another post on Xanga…

• The babies slept for exactly 3 hours, and the same 3 hours, all night long.  I should whine on Xanga more often.
• My in-laws were here most of the day yesterday.  They enjoyed holding babies.  Also, they watched the twins while Eric and I ran to WalMart.  And my MIL cleaned up my kitchen.  Twice!  And they bought dinner for us.  Fantastic!
• It’s just me and the babies today.  They’re sleeping right now (not in their cribs).  Erin keeps whimpering in her sleep.  Poor baby…
• We weighed the babies yesterday just to see approximately where they are.  So I weighed myself and then held them and stepped on the scale again.  They both seemed to weigh 10 lbs., 2 oz.  
• Our next well visit (with vaccinations!) is tomorrow, so I’m interested to see how much they weigh on the “official” scale!  And hopefully, it’s not too rough of a day from their shots!

Okay, Erin is making more noise now, so I’d better go get her.  Happy Wednesday!

I don’t seem to have much of significance to share today.  So here are the basics…

• We went out for dinner last night (greek…yummy!) for my birthday.  The twins did great!
• Eric bought me a carrying case for my Nintendo DS.  I wanted one.  The one he got me is made of Nerf material.  Weird…
• I did not get a nap yesterday, but we did go to bed by 9 or so.  Very nice!
• Eric has been over-tired for the last couple of days and feeling not so great, so he took a sick day to relax and catch up.  So he’s home with me today.  VERY nice!
• My in-laws will be stopping by today to see the babies.  Not sure when they’ll be here.  It should be fun.
• Eric got me blank return address labels for Valentines Day (I asked for return labels, so this was a perfect gift).  Today he figured out how to print them.  Now I don’t have to write my name/address over and over on thank you notes and bills.  I’m super excited about this!

I think that’s all the basic stuff.  But one last thing…if you could pray for my brother and sister-in-law, I’d appreciate it.  We prayed for them last fall when my SIL, Deb, almost died of a brain aneurysm.  She was 12 weeks pregnant at that time.  She is now 33 weeks pregnant, and the baby seems to be doing very well.  But Deb is starting to show signs of pre-eclampsia.  So they are determining today whether she’ll be on home bed rest or hospital bed rest for the remainder of her pregnancy.  Their Xanga site has all the details.  But if you could pray for them, that would be awesome.  They have two little girls (Kelly-6 and Holly-3) already.

Happy Tuesday!!

Today, I am 32.  I don’t feel older or younger than that, I guess.  Actually today I’m just tired.  Maybe my present to myself will be to fit in a nap today!

The babies have started going 3-4 hours between feedings more consistently now.  This is great during the day.  But it’s been something of a problem at night.  For the last few nights, they’ve been sleeping longer, but not on the same pattern.  So one will go 2.5 or 3 hours between feedings and the other will go 3 or 4.  So even though they start out eating at the same time, by 3 or 4 a.m., I’m up every 45 minutes to an hour for one or the other of them.  I hope this is just the start of a new pattern, and in a week or so we’ll figure out how to make this work better.  I’m getting really beat!

Oh, and there are new pictures of the babies up on the website.  Enjoy!

Friday, I went to C-ville to show off the twins and hang out with my parents for a while.  We had a good visit.  Eric went to a hockey game with his brother after work.  He really missed seeing the babies, he said. 

Speaking of my dad, he is doing really well with his knees.  He’s very stable most of the time with his cane.  He is still having a good deal of pain at times, but he’s getting more mobility back every day.  His next appointment is tomorrow, but he doesn’t think the doctor will clear him to drive yet.  So he’ll probably be stuck at home for another couple of weeks.  But he’s getting better by the day, so it won’t be much longer until he’s really back to normal.

The weekend was pretty uneventful, really.  Eric’s brothers were over on Saturday to work on a website for their church.  Then we got Chinese take-out and watched television for the evening.  It was a pretty unromantic Valentine’s Day!  Sunday was church and some relaxing in the afternoon.  Then I went to small group in the evening.  And Karen came over for a few minutes afterward to hello to the babies.  It was good to chat with the girls and with Karen.  The babies aren’t doing much chattering yet!

Anyway, I guess that’s about all I have for the weekend.  Happy President’s Day!  Happy Monday!

I took the babies in to meet Eric’s coworkers yesterday.  They were all thrilled to finally see them.  There was quite a group of people standing in a circle, holding babies and swapping stories about their own kids.  And the babies were fantastically behaved…no crying at all!  Lovely!

I loved how warm it was yesterday.  I want spring to come sooner, rather than later.

There was a ginormous double rainbow last night that actually went from horizon to horizon.  It was BEAUTIFUL.  Eric got some great pictures of it, but they are still in process on his Linux computer.  So I will post pictures of it as soon as I can.

We had a photo shoot with the babies yesterday evening.  New pictures coming to the website soon!

Last night was not such a good night.  And today has been pretty fussy, too.  I still haven’t had a shower (I went back to bed during my normal exercise/shower time), so maybe I should get off of Xanga and go get clean!

Notice I’m still typing.

I got all the laundry done yesterday – even put away!  Sadly, the kitchen is a mess from dinner last night.  Maybe I’ll get that all tidied up sometime today.  If the babies settle down…

Tomorrow I’m taking the babies to C-ville for the day to see people, especially my parents.  I’m looking forward to it.  I think my parents enjoy it, too!

I think that’s all the random stuff I have that’s worth sharing.  Happy Thursday!

So a friend of mine is in film school in LA, and he’s really good.  Mike and Kristie were in our small group at church before they went to California, and they also went to CU with me.

Mike’s video is a finalist in a Coca-Cola contest.  If he wins, his video will play in movie theaters all summer (you’ve probably seen past winners), and it will go a long way to making his name in the film industry.

So, if you would be willing to vote for Mike’s video, go to the 2009 finalists page and click on “Butter Not Forget”.  Every time you view his video, it counts as a vote for him.  Maybe he will win!!!

Which, of course, doesn’t mean much for me these days.  Except that I’m on my own with the babies again.  I do like weekends.  It is so nice to have someone to help when there are 2 fussing babies! 

The weekend was lovely.  On Saturday Eric and I took the babies to C-ville to hang out with my parents.  It was just the 6 of us, and we sat around and visited all day.  The babies were particularly good, and my parents really enjoyed the uninterrupted time with them.  And I enjoyed the uninterrupted time with them.  The only part of my job at CU that I’ve really missed is all the time I got to spend with my mom.  I miss her.

Sunday was church and a productive afternoon.  Eric cleaned bathrooms.  They look fantastic!  I made dinner, fed babies, ironed, cleaned up the kitchen and started sorting a bunch of piles of things that have been bugging me for a while.  Eric went to small group in the evening (we’re meeting guys/girls right now instead of couples), and I watched television while the babies slept.  Nice!

Other random pieces of my life:

• The babies are officially 2 months old, as of yesterday.  They’re getting so big!!
• I finally figured out how to re-connect my bluetooth receiver to my cell phone.  Now I can talk to people while holding a baby without also trying to hold a phone to my ear!
• So far, our babies have done really well in the nursery.  I attribute this to our decision to get them to first service which is during their morning nap time.  It definitely works better for the nursery workers that way!
• I need to vacuum my floors.  It’s really getting bad, but I just never seem to get around to doing it.  Maybe I’ll try to get that done today at some point.
• I think I know what I’m going to get Eric for Valentine’s Day.  Actually I have two ideas.  Now I have to decide between them.

And a couple of pictures of my little ones: