What time I am afraid…
When David got there, he said he would trust in God. When I get there…well, it’s much more hit or miss. It was kind of a rough night. Still not sure why. But I was pretty much up from 3-5 this morning for a variety of reasons. Mostly because my brain turned on. And as I’ve said before, having that happen, at that time of day, is seriously problematic for me.
Surprisingly, what I do in those moments has changed somewhat. I used to worry. About everything. Now it’s not so much worry as fear. I’m afraid. But it’s all a “what if” kind of fear. What if “this” happens in the morning? What if “this” doesn’t happen? What if I do “this”? What if I don’t? What if? What if? What if?
I know that these moments are a bit cyclical. I am gradually learning to trust and bring my fears to Jesus immediately, so for a while, we’ll do great. But then it’ll sneak up on me, and unprepared for the attack, I find myself back to the knot-in-my-stomach fear that has kept me locked up into selfish, un-Christlike thought patterns and behaviors for many years. So what do I do on those nights?
David’s verse doesn’t help me very much on those nights…I barely understand the concept of trusting God when I’m super-coherent. It’s way too vague at 3:00 am. But another verse is my life-line: Is. 41:10.
Do not be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. (NIV)
I love that verse. The Spirit speaks to me, “Shannah, don’t be afraid. I AM is with you. Keep your eyes on Him because nothing that happens is beyond his control. So you don’t have to fear any “what ifs”.
The NAS translates that second part as “Do not anxiously look about you.” That, I understand. That phrase makes a lot more sense to me than “don’t be dismayed.” But, of course, the reason, is still the same…I AM is my God. He will provide strength, help, support, victory in any situation or circumstance I find myself in.
What a promise! What a God! I AM…Jehovah…the covenant God of Israel is with me. In the midst of my fear, my worry, my circumstance, I am not alone. And my companion controls the universe. Looking at him, I have found, is the only way to stop the cycle of fear. I may have to do it over and over until my sin habits get the hint and leave me to fall asleep. But a change in perspective is the only sure-fire cure that I have found for fear.
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Okay, thanks for listening to my ramblings this morning. I just needed to get some of that out of my head so I could get started on my day. The day should be fun: a trip to the mall with Karen. I’ll try to post pictures of any cute maternity clothes we find. Then, given my early morning, I’ll probably crash for the afternoon. Should be a good day! Happy Wednesday!
I have been dealing with fear and worry too lately. God is so good to never give up on us!
amen to all that, I totally get what you are saying and those are the moments when if I let it my brain goes off on it’s own and I can end up worrying worrying worrying…
Thanks for this encouraging verse!
One of the things that I have learned to do when I hit those “fear” times is think about what the worse case scenario could be. I know that sounds like the opposite of what we should do but then I look at the worse case scenario in light of God’s love and ultimate plan. I may not know the specific plan but I do know that He only wants what is best for His children. Knowing that there is not a single situation in my life that God cannot use for His benefit and glory allows me to rest in a place of trust and peace.
Thanks for the reminder! I hope your shopping spree was successful!!
Ewwww. No bikini pics..unless you’re 18 and stacked.
I have those hours, too. It sometimes seems as if my brain works to manufacture things to worry about during those scary early-morning terror times. And though I know rationally that those are silly things to worry about….I still perseverate and stew, and get fearful. I, too, used to just worry. Ever since my onset of fibro, when I never slept at night, I started spending that awake time praying. For me, for others, for the world, prayers of thanks – – – those can take you all night!
Please model something.
The bikini, please.
Are you coming up here today?
@filledeparis – I will work on that, just for you!
^I think you should definitely model at least one outfit!
I have those times too where I wake up ( my time is pretty much in the 3-5 range too) and worry about the what ifs etc too. I love what you shared. I needed that. Funny thing is I did wake up somewhere in there with some worries on my mind and I prayed for my concerns and then trying to fall back asleep I prayed for all the xanga girls and prayed for you and your babies!
Phew, those wee-hours struggles are TOUGH. Something about everyone else being asleep and a foggy brain makes it so hard to be rational. Praise God that he is big enough – BEYOND big enough – to save us from what we fear and our fears themselves! I’ll be praying for Jesus to protect you from Satan’s attacks as you sleep.
I like when you share your thoughts…they are NOT rambling. And we’ve all bee there (or if not, then I’ve been there enough for all of us!). What a praise-filled post, despite the hard night.
“And my companion controls the universe…”
Amen!
I am right there with you–I needed to hear this, too! Thanks for sharing. Can’t wait to see your new finds!