I’m exhausted today.  The roller coaster ride this week has been has worn me out emotionally.  I did not sleep wellT last night, so I’m just plain tired.  And this week feels one day too long…

But enough whining.  It is a beautiful morning, and my husband is fabulous.  The Christmas program should go really well this weekend, and there are supposed to be lots of unsaved people there.  Please pray for us, if you think of it this weekend, especially that we would see God work in an amazing way.

Yesterday was a busy day, which I spent almost entirely at the church.  I got there about 10:00, and we started working on the light cues and other technical details.  Then there was an epiphany for the narrators (the drama was reduced to two people, both of whom were struggling with being comfortable with their lines), and we created a teleprompter yesterday afternoon.  It worked great!  It turns out that it’s also nice to have a role in this program that doesn’t require much of me.  I don’t have to call the cues, just make sure the teleprompter keeps scrolling along.  How nice! 

Today I’m still heading for CU.  I wish I didn’t have classes today, but they must be faced.  I’m glad we have only 5 class days left (including today).  Anyway…happy Friday to you all!

So things are definitely getting better as the week goes on.  Last night’s rehearsal was a bit weird, but I do still have a useful part to play in the program.  That made me feel better.  We were at the church too late last night, and I’ll be back today to help tweak some things.  But hopefully, then we’ll be in good shape for the rest of the weekend.

Classes went fine yesterday.  I’m starting to be concerned about some Basic students not finishing this term.  I tried to stress the need for them to start working outside of class, but I don’t know if they got it.  At this point, they just don’t seem to care, even though having to register for the course again next term will cost them almost $2000.  I’d b a lot less cavalier about it if it was my money! 

I don’t feel like I have anything else very interesting to say today.  I read one of my favorite Psalms (138) this morning and was struck again by the last verse: “The Lord will work out his plans for my life – for your faithful love, O Lord, endures forever.”  Or as the NIV states it: “The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me.”  It will happen; God will bring to pass all that he has planned for me: releasing me from sin and bondage, making me like Jesus, pouring Himself into me, growing me, healing me, filling me, making me useful for His Kingdom.  What a wonderful promise!

Happy Thursday!

Resolution

Yesterday was a tough day on many levels, but it ended up better than I was expecting. 

On Sunday evening, we had a full run-through of the Christmas program (which is this coming weekend) at church. The rehearsal wasn’t terribly well organized, and the show was pretty sloppy, overall.  But the goal was just to get through it once, and we did.  My part is primarily related to the drama.  It was first time they’d been on stage, with an audience.  And there wasn’t time to give them good directions about staging, etc.  But even acknowledging those complications, it just wasn’t where it needed to be.  I went home very discouraged.

The cloud lasted all Sunday night and all day Monday.  I’ve been struggling with feeling inadequate, unnecessary, and overwhelmed.  Our music director called a drama rehearsal with my people for Monday night, even though I couldn’t be there, and that hurt my feelings.  I met with my advisor at UD for a while, but didn’t get a lot of helpful feedback, and I have little interest in taking any of the courses that are being offered.  Then, the only “negative” comment given during our mock conference at class that night was about my paper (by another student).  It all just made my burden feel heavier. I could feel the uncried tears squeezing my lungs most of the way home, but it wasn’t until I was almost home that I could cry.  But once they started, there wasn’t much stopping them.

Monday morning, I woke up to a still-heavy heart…and an email from the music director asking for a meeting about drama.  He had decided to cut the drama as it was, totally changing it to be smaller and less complicated.  I guess I knew it was coming.  And it was exactly the right decision.  I’d been dreading this week and this program.  But it was still hard to hear.  And it was still hard to have to accept that I really wasn’t necessary to this year’s program anymore.  I cried solme more, and we talked a good bit about the entire thing. I also told him that I needed a break from the drama stuff anyway (which I’d been planning to tell him, only later).  He was in favor of that.  It’s been a difficult couple of years ministry-wise, for me and for our church, and this point needed to be reached.  But now we can really start rebuilding, and we talked about that, as well, so it was, overall, an encouraging meeting. 

I still cried some more during the rest of the day while I was grading papers for Comp.  And my heart was still pretty heavy.  But I was moving towards the other side, too.  After talking about it to Karen and to Eric, I began to realize that the heaviness was lifting and the tears were not so much from sorrow, but from relief.  Someone is finally going to help me.  I don’t have to “do” the Christmas program like I’ve had to do before.  I can put drama aside for a while and start pursuing healing from the last couple of years.  What a relief!

So this morning, I’m still recovering.  Just typing this blog was like reliving the entire thing again.  But still, it’s good. God will bless.  God always heals.  And maybe this is the beginning of the end of the wilderness road that I have felt like I’ve been on for a while. It hasn’t been all bad all the time or anything, but still…I’m looking forward to  and hoping for green pastures again!

I have a lot on my mind and heart today, and I don’t really know how to put it all on Xanga very well.  So, I’m not going to.  But if you want to say a quick prayer for me and my “issues,” I’d appreciate it.

Yesterday was pretty productive, I guess.  I finished the paper I needed for grad school last night, went to the grocery store, talked to Karen and Eric, left for UD at 2:20 for an advising meeting and then wasted time until class (I read a book).  I got home about 9:30, and we headed to bed shortly thereafter.

Today is some grading and a lot of stuff for the Christmas program at church (another area where prayer would be much appreciated).  And I think I’ll go and dry my hair now before it dries for me…

Happy Tuesday!

Wow…I’ll be today’s posts will be very, very long!  Here are the highlights, anyway…

• Thursday:  Thanksgiving dinner with Eric’s family (the Powell side), then home for milking, then over to a gathering (for pizza) with the Hogue side of the family.  There was much chatting, but it wasn’t an overly exciting day.
• Friday: all day at the farm.  I worked on grad school and chatted with my MIL.  Eric helped them fix their TV issues and then was bored until we came home.  We got home about 8:30 and enjoyed sleeping in our bed very much!
• Saturday: I wrote a draft of my paper in the morning, then put up Christmas decorations in the afternoon.  My tree is up and most of the rest of my decorations, too.  I still have a few things to do, but it all looks pretty good so far! 
• Sunday: After church, my parents and Karen & Erik came over for dinner.  It was lots of fun!  Then we had a Christmas program rehearsal which was not as fun.  But it can only get better from here, so that’s what I’m betting on.  But if you would like to remember the program (and us) in prayer this week…I’d much appreciate it!
• Today: I do not have classes today.  Yippee!  So I have the day to finish revising my paper for tonight and then to head over for class.  Not that exciting, really, but it must be done.  At least I don’t have to go to CU tomorrow either!

So it’s the day before Thanksgiving, so I’m sure the Xanga traffic will be a lot slower today.  But since a few of us have to work today, I figured I’d go ahead and post to give everyone something to read!

Classes end at 1:00 today at CU, but I have an 11:00 and a 12:00.  However, most of my students, I’m sure, will be skipping today, so I’m not terribly concerned about having to stay the entire time!  My Comp students were turning in the second drafts of their papers before they left, so hopefully, those are pretty much at my office so I don’t have to wait around for them!

Fun fact for the day:  In my research for grad school (sorry Terri), I learned something interesting.  The story about the pilgrims being saved by the Indians (Squanto, specifically), thus inspiring the first Thanksgiving is not terribly accurate.  You see, Squanto, it seems, learned all this agricultural knowledge in Europe, and he was directly connected with the British government’s representative in Canada.  So it wasn’t the Indians helping out the white man as much as the British using every means necessary to assist the new colonists in colonizing a new land.  I’m not sure which version I like better!

I am having one of those days in which I don’t want to do anything.  I didn’t really want to get up this morning.  I didn’t want to exercise or shower or start my day.  I just want my day to be completely open without a single requirement. 

In order to combat my malaise, therefore, and in honor of the Thanksgiving Holiday, here is a short list of some of the things I am thankful for:

• My husband.  I cannot even begin to express how thankful I am that God brought Eric into my life.  He makes me laugh and keeps me from stressing out.  He loves me regardless of my “issues” and provides for me in every important way.  How blessed I am to have him!
• My family.  My parents, my brother and sister and their spouses and kids.  Though we, like all families, have our problems, we love each other, want what’s best for each other, and bring a great deal of joy to each other’s lives.  It is a rare thing these days to have parents who are still married and in love with each other and a family without major battles going on…I am very, very thankful.
• My “stuff”.  I am materially blessed, well beyond what I really need.  A house, a car, clothes, food, money in the bank.  I take it all for granted most of the time, so today, I choose to be thankful for it.
• God’s love.  I am only just beginning to grasp the reality that God loves me, really loves me.  That I can’t dissuade him from his love for me, and I can’t earn more of it.  It’s already mine.  His love for me and his goodness to me mean that the difficulties he’s asked me to face in this season of my life are for my good and for his glory, and so I can be thankful, despite the sometimes-bumpy road. 
• My Xanga friends.  You pray for me and each other.  You share your lives, your laughter, your joys and sorrows.  You all have become very special people to me, and most of you, I have never even met.  I am thankful for each one of you today, too.

Happy Tuesday!

Here’s the weekend recap:

On Friday night, I worked on grad school a bit, but we didn’t do much of anything at all.  In fact, I was in my pajamas, in bed, at 8:30.  I read until 9:00 and went to bed.  It was lovely!

Saturday was pretty full.  I spent most of the morning on grad work again.  Then I watched the OSU game (Go Bucks!).  After the game, Eric and I headed to Cedarville for Kelly’s birthday party.  Those girls are pretty darn cute, I must say!  Kelly let Holly help her open her presents, and we all got to play in her new playhouse.  There was a Strawberry Shortcake cake, too.  When Holly saw the cake, she looked up and said, “Fork!”  Obviously that girl knows a good thing when she sees one!

Sunday was church, lunch, grad work, drama rehearsal, more grad work while Eric was at orchestra, then small group.  We were home at 8:20, after a quick stop to get milk, so we did get to bed pretty early again.  How nice!

And best of all, today is a very short week, so if I can make it through today, then I’ve got the week licked!  Happy Monday!

A quick update from me today:

• I got a lot of research done yesterday.  I have more to do.
• Eric and I watched a movie last night, the Adam Sandler remake of the The Longest Yard.  It was better than I was expecting (still not great, but better).
• We had meatloaf for dinner. Yum!
• I don’t want to be in class today.  I want to go home, really.
• Tomorrow is Kelly’s birthday party.  She’ll be five this year…where does the time go!?!

I’m less sore today.  I might have overdone the other day, but at least I recover quickly!  This morning Eric did ask if I was planning to move heavy furniture today before he left…I told him I’d done all of that on Tuesday!

Yesterday was a pretty full day.  I had advising meetings after classes and didn’t get out of Cedarville until almost 5:00. And oddly enough, Eric was even later getting home than I was.  A quick supper, then he was off to church, and I worked on grad stuff.  Then I was off to church as well for a short rehearsal.  Two weeks from today is our Christmas program’s dress rehearsal. 

I don’t have a lot of firm plans for today.  I might do a number of things, but it’ll depend on what I feel like.  There is definitely some grad work to accomplish since my Saturday will be taken up with a football game and then my niece’s birthday party.  But I may also finish some of the clean up from my Tuesday activities.  We’ll see!