15 months and counting…
That’s how long it’s been since we stopped preventing conception in our house. Sometimes that feels like a really long time.
The last few days have been consumed with baby talk around here. Lots of baby announcements from friends and family. A few more suspicions that haven’t yet been confirmed. More people I know who are trying. Right now, one couple in our small group has a little girl who is Kayla’s age. By the time she is 2 (next May), we’ll have 8-10 more babies born to couples in our group. That’s just crazy!
It’s also a bit hard for me at times. I’m not looking forward to being child-less in a “couples with small children” group. And at this point, that’s what it seems is going to happen. Of course, I could ovulate tomorrow. Or it might be 2 months or more. Who knows? But it’s hard to live with that tension sometimes.
Most of the time, I am content with where God has placed us. He is good all the time, and His timing is, of course, perfect. And I always suspected I’d have these issues, so I wasn’t surprised. So when I focus on letting Him teach me whatever He wants me to know, when I commit myself to living productively and pro-actively where I am right now, and when I keep in mind that children don’t define me, my value, or the validity of my life, I have an easier time waiting, especially when I remember that having children is a trade-off of some of the things that are so great about my life now.
But there are times, when baby talk invades my consciousness regularly, when I find that it’s harder to stay focused on the truths that keep me from self-pity, frustration, and feeling ‘left out.’ That’s how I felt yesterday. So I let myself have some time to be sad, and now I have to start refusing to let those thoughts control my feelings.
So, I didn’t actually intend to put any of this on my blog this morning, but there it is. Thanks for listening.
As for life today, I’m done canning beans, but I have some more to freeze. So I’ll be working on that today. I also need to make a quick trip to the grocery for some items to make a husband-requested dinner tonight. And I’m still working on cleaning up from our camping trip over the weekend. So I should keep myself occupied!