15 months and counting…
That’s how long it’s been since we stopped preventing conception in our house. Sometimes that feels like a really long time.
The last few days have been consumed with baby talk around here. Lots of baby announcements from friends and family. A few more suspicions that haven’t yet been confirmed. More people I know who are trying. Right now, one couple in our small group has a little girl who is Kayla’s age. By the time she is 2 (next May), we’ll have 8-10 more babies born to couples in our group. That’s just crazy!
It’s also a bit hard for me at times. I’m not looking forward to being child-less in a “couples with small children” group. And at this point, that’s what it seems is going to happen. Of course, I could ovulate tomorrow. Or it might be 2 months or more. Who knows? But it’s hard to live with that tension sometimes.
Most of the time, I am content with where God has placed us. He is good all the time, and His timing is, of course, perfect. And I always suspected I’d have these issues, so I wasn’t surprised. So when I focus on letting Him teach me whatever He wants me to know, when I commit myself to living productively and pro-actively where I am right now, and when I keep in mind that children don’t define me, my value, or the validity of my life, I have an easier time waiting, especially when I remember that having children is a trade-off of some of the things that are so great about my life now.
But there are times, when baby talk invades my consciousness regularly, when I find that it’s harder to stay focused on the truths that keep me from self-pity, frustration, and feeling ‘left out.’ That’s how I felt yesterday. So I let myself have some time to be sad, and now I have to start refusing to let those thoughts control my feelings.
So, I didn’t actually intend to put any of this on my blog this morning, but there it is. Thanks for listening.
As for life today, I’m done canning beans, but I have some more to freeze. So I’ll be working on that today. I also need to make a quick trip to the grocery for some items to make a husband-requested dinner tonight. And I’m still working on cleaning up from our camping trip over the weekend. So I should keep myself occupied!
Shannnah, I will pray for you. I’m so glad you let us into this corner of your world. Prayer works, and you have gotten some today! One just now actually.
Thanks for sharing so openly, Shannah. I am sure it is difficult to imagine life as “child-less in a “couples with small children” group.” Your faith is awesome. Thanks for sharing both your pain and your source of strength and hope. Hugs to you!
Shan, I’m glasd you were able to share this with everyone. There are those of us, who will never know your pain, but we can feel for you…alot. I’ll be praying for you.
Life certainly isn’t fair. I could have birthed a million. If only we could spread out the wealth. Contentment regardless of circumstances certainly is tough. I care for you.
By the way, if a loan would help, I have 2 grandbabies you could borrow…if you come get them RIGHT NOW!!!!!
I’m glad you posted this. I’m sorry this is so hard.
(p.s. i’m no model of self-discipline! I’m a model of too many clothes that are thismuch too small…and i refuse to buy more. so really, i’m a model of cheap.
)
i will pray for you, too!! it’s SO HARD when you’re tyring & it’s not working. Our first was kind of a surprise, and with the 2nd, it took 9 months of trying…i know every single month of that 9 was SO HARD, so i cannot even begin to imagine 15. especially when there are babies popping up everywhere. Kristen (Kmhusberger) told me something that really, really encouraged me when we were trying. she pointed out that God has THE baby chosen for you. And that baby’s egg & sperm just haven’t happened to meet yet. (she was much more eloquent than that…i’ll see if i can find her exact wording.)
all that to say…my heart goes out to you BIG TIME…and i will pray. 🙂
Prayed for you just now.Thanks for your transparency.
thanks! he sure is a joy!
i’m with tricia in not being able to imagine how frustrating that can be, but i had friends who tried to get pregnant for a couple of years and they were blessed with a baby boy last month. it is incredible to see God work and incredible to see His timing work the details out in our lives.
praying the Lord blesses you with peace in the mean time, and a beautiful baby of your own in His awesome timing!
I can’t imagine how frustrating this can be. Especially when you keep hearing announcements, and it seems like no one else ever has any trouble conceiving – it just happens! Praying for you!
What did Eric request for dinner tonight?
also, for what it’s worth, my sister and her husband tried a lot of different medical procedures in order to get pregnant – including artificial insemination. keri felt really sad about that because it was just so “clinical”, you know? the procedure didn’t work because the doctor said that keri’s body was “a hostile environment” to nate’s sperm. so things didn’t look too promising… my mom recommended that keri start drinking small doses of vinegar mixed with water each day. this is supposed to change the pH levels in your body. keri did this, and she got pregnant within a month!
while i don’t know personally what you are experiencing, i do know that my sister and her husband tried for several years before they were able to get pregnant. it was definitely a painful / trying time for them, but it ultimately brought them closer together and increased their faith and trust in an all-knowing, all-powerful God.
i will be praying for you!!